Our Journey to Forever

Whoa.

2011-11-08T12:02:00.000-08:00

When did this happen? Looks like the last time I was on here was June, and here it is November and my sweet, sweet Adeline is turning 11 months old. This year has most definitely run away from me...hell, it's driven 65 mph in the opposite direction. Lets see if I am able to catch up. Please forgive the jumble of posts you are about to barraged with, regardless, I hope you enjoy.

Catching up

2011-06-12T20:53:00.002-07:00

Gosh...where to start. Tristan graduated preschool, Trinity moved on from first grade, our rental house is being foreclosed on, we took a trip, we had a baby...wait, you knew that....what else. We are constantly in a state of perpetual motion, but we are moving right along with it all, enjoying and soaking up each moment..even the bitter ones. I will post separate posts highlighting stuff that is Hydeman Family, and keep you all in the loop...I kinda promise this time...ok, maybe I won't stay as "on track" as I would like to be...but, I will try. That's all I can promise at this point.

WTH???

2011-06-12T20:53:00.001-07:00

Holy shit...I suck at blogging.

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate

2011-03-29T10:48:00.000-07:00

Me no likey the spanking of kiddos.

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

2011-03-27T11:56:00.001-07:00

My shannon....we have been together almost 17 years, more than half of my life, and he and I have been through everything. I love him more than words could ever say.

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh

2011-03-27T11:17:00.001-07:00

This was from a montage that we took back in '08 when Trinity was shaving off his beard. You can read the whole post here....but this picture...oh man, it makes me laugh.

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item

2011-03-26T21:49:00.000-07:00

I am thinking that this is referring to a material thing...and I actually had to sit and think about this for a minute, because honestly, I think I could do without everything as long as I have my family. But, for the moment, I suppose I would have to say this, my house. Though it is not mine persay, I do inhabitant it, and I do appreciate that it keeps me and my family warm and safe from the elements. I appreciate the laughter that rings in these walls, the happiness that dwells in this place, and the security that my little one's feel being here. I am thankful for our landlord, that she is patient and kind, and that we are able to live here comfortably. I love this house, and the family that lives here.

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

2011-03-25T21:46:00.000-07:00

I would love to know what is going on in that mind of yours.....to feel what you have been feeling, to know what you know...and to see things how you see it. I am amazed and in awe of you everyday Tristan...every second.

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

2011-03-24T21:21:00.000-07:00

Would I pick any other night? April 13, 2001, our wedding night. I loved everything about this night, especially who I was marrying. I remember when I first met Shannon, I told my best friend Steven that I would marry that man one day, and everyone thought I was nuts, lovestruck and out of my mind. I just knew that when I first met him, that we would be together forever....here's to forever!

Dear Adeline

2011-03-23T20:32:00.000-07:00

You have been teething like crazy, that tonight, you soaked your shirt with drool. I pulled you close to my body, and stared down into your happy sleeping face. The windows are slightly cracked and there is a nice breeze coming in, but our home is like a warm den, and you are my beautiful baby bear. I love you. I love your little body, your perfect little face and hands. The way that you breath and the way that you smile in your sleep. You are wrapped up in your special blanket, all hot pink and fuzzy. Your skin looks like a ripe apricot, I can't describe it any better than that. You are perfect. I am so happy that you are here with us, with me right now...that I can hold you, and love on you forever. Sleep tight baby girl.

Day 04 - A picture of your favorite night

2011-03-23T20:29:00.000-07:00

Oooh, this is a tricky one. I have so many favorite nights. So, to make it easier on me, I am going to say, my favorite night in the past year. There...now it's not such a daunting task.

The birth of my beautiful Adeline. This birth has really lifted me into another plane. I felt so accomplished, so strong and powerful, and it was such an amazing experience. I was happy to have shared it with my whole family, and my closest friends. Definitely one of my top ten favorites so far.

My 2 T's

2011-03-22T08:51:00.000-07:00

I just love these kids. Through all the trials, tribulations, terror, triumph, tenacity, tantrums, tempers, true heartedness, our t's have treated us well.

Trinity is getting bigger everyday. She towers over most of her 3rd grade friends, and keeps up with all the boys on her flag football team. Her favorite things are still animals, and the count now is up to 8! She takes care of them so well, she loves them and treats them like they are human. We are constantly amazed at her endless capacity to love. She cares for her brother like no other, defending him at any chance. She loves her new baby sister, and I just adore listening to her talk to her in her wee baby voice.

Tristan is doing so well in school. He loves it. His sign language has taken flight, and he is making more strides with his verbal language too. His energy level is through the roof, which is a far cry from the little boy who had difficulty walking far distances. He loves colors, shapes, numbers, letters and learning new languages. He is reading more words everyday and amazes us with his seemingly endless knowledge of things far beyond his grasp of understanding...or at least we thought.

I am happy. There have been a few tests of my patience, tests of my faith and tests of my ability to hold it all together. After everything, I am kept together with the knowledge that I am so blessed. My family is a beautiful full circle. I take the good with the bad, and know that there are much more good days ahead that the other.

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

2011-03-22T08:38:00.000-07:00

This one was tricky for me...since I don't really watch television all too much anymore. So, I decided to put my favorite movie instead.

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

2011-03-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

My dearest Jackie. This is my best friend from childhood. I have known her since I was 5. When my family and I moved here from Germany , I knew no one. I started school mid year and was very scared. I decided that I would introvert, not to talk to anyone. As I was drinking from the water fountain, I felt a little tap on my shoulder, I looked up and she was standing there, with her arm stretched out, a beautiful hand pushed toward me "Hi, my name is Jacqueline, and we are going to be best friends.". That was it. We have been the closest of friends ever since. Even with her being oceans away, I am and will forever be deeply connected to her.

Adeline - 3 months

2011-03-20T21:57:00.000-07:00

How do I love thee?? I couldn't measure it really. You are something so wonderful, it overflows my heart with abundance. I love how you smile at me, and make my heart sing. How you feel pressed up against me, nursing. I love your smell, and your squishy cheeks. You are a wonderful person, and I am so happy to have a hand in that. Your attempts at laughing are hysterical, you will figure it out soon enough little one...You are so smart, and your eyes are so bright, I love how you shine up even the dullest of rooms. Thank you Adeline for being who you are, and for being in our family.

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts

2011-03-20T17:57:00.001-07:00

1) I am a hopeless romantic

2) I can't really listen to someone unless I am looking at them

3) I have been with my husband for 17 years this April

4) I grind my teeth in my sleep

5) I can hear EVERYTHING in my sleep. Shannon once talked about a gift he was getting me with Trinity when I was sleeping, and I recalled the conversation almost word for word.

6) My family means everything to me, and I would do anything for them.

7) I wore braces until the age of 22.

8) I have a ridiculous fear of large bodies of water...ask me why sometime.

9) I am ok with messes

10) I am an idealist, a dreamer, and believer that people are mostly good, and that everything will end up as it should be.

30 Day Photo Challenge

2011-03-16T21:32:00.000-07:00

My friend recently posted this on their Facebook, and I was immediately intrigued *thanks Krissi!* I implore you to do this if you have time, some of the questions are pretty deep, and you can learn a lot about yourself in the process.

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 - A picture of your favorite night
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
Day 12 - A picture of something you love
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity
Day 19 - A picture and a letter
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change
Day 25 - A picture of your day
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

A different little boy...

2011-02-24T16:13:00.000-08:00

Tristan has been taking MB12 injections now for 6 weeks, and we have noticed a DRAMATIC improvement in his cognitive abilities, awareness, eye contact, sleeping, overall happiness. My friend said that he seemed "more present...different" and I agree. You can see it in his eyes that he is more with us than in his special world. He is also more verbal, and will say things unprompted. We left therapy yesterday, there was a little girl playing on the floor, Tristan looked at her and said "Bye Bye" and walked away. Normally, he would never have even noticed she was there. He came up to me last week and actually had a back and forth convo with me...it was hilarious, and it touched my heart

Tristan: "Mama.....kna kna [knock knock]"

Me: "Who's there baby?? (not AT ALL expecting a response.)

Tristan: "Puhple [purple]"

Me: (very surprised) "PURPLE WHO???"

Tristan: (pointing to a purple cat on his book) "Puhple Kaa [purple cat]"

It was awesome.

So, for those of you non believers in biomedical intervention and supplementation, take that. My son NEVER says more than 1-2 words and they are usually prompted. I am a believer.

Just to show you a comparison, this is a picture that was taken 3 months ago...notice the difference in his eyes.

I have been MIA...but coming back!

2011-02-24T15:11:00.001-08:00

I have totally neglected this blog again, but...I have been non-neglecting these children of mine, so there...I have a good excuse. No worries, blogs are coming soon! They are dated when they took place, so you'll need to scroll back to be sure you didn't miss any!

Kelley Chase

2011-02-22T15:53:00.000-08:00

Because without her...my birth would have been so different. I love you Kelley. Thank you for all you have brought into my life.

More on Kelley

Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T15:46:00.000-08:00

For Valentine's Day we have made it a tradition to hole ourselves up in the house, and enjoy a fresh homemade heart shaped pizza as a family. This year was no exception. Tristan fell asleep early, so he didn't get to share in the festivities, but Trinity and I had a blast making the pizza.

Trin decided to make her own little mini man pizza with the leftover ingredients, I think she did a spectacular job!

i love him

2011-02-14T15:43:00.000-08:00

I love my husband, to the moon and back.

You are my sunshine

2011-02-10T15:09:00.000-08:00

Reflux Sux

2011-01-27T19:34:00.001-08:00

Adeline has officially been diagnosed with severe reflux. My poor babe. We saw this happen with our Trinity, and now, little miss a is dealing with it too. Luckily, she turns to the breast for comfort, and is gaining weight as she should be...but, on the same note, it is causing her to have more cases of flare up. We took her to the doctor for what we thought was a bad cold. The doctor looked up her nasal passages and reported that all the inflammation was to be attributed to the stomach acid coming back up her throat and into her sinus cavity. They started her on Zantac, which she had a horrible reaction to, so we are putting her on Prevacid now, keep your fingers crossed that it will help!

Tristan's First day of school! SUPER late post!

2011-01-16T20:08:00.000-08:00

This was supposed to be posted back in October...I know *slap on hand* bad mama blogger.

October 19, 2010

Oh man...I thought this day would never come. I know, melodramatic much? But hear me out....he is still such a baby to me. Maybe it's because he doesn't speak, but...I feel this overwhelming need to protect him, even more than I thought I would.

First day comes, I am doing surprisingly ok. Then, drop off time. I start to unravel a bit. Shannon and Trinity were both there for moral support, but, I had to hold back the tears. He was so sweet with his back pack on. He walked with Daddy and Sis, hand and hand while I followed like a mad woman taking pictures. Just so you know, pregnant, walking a backwards while taking pictures, probably not the best of ideas...but, I did get some pretty good shots ;)

We went to lunch when little t was at school, I HAD to keep my mind busy. The time just kinda creeped by. Luckily, I had my Trin with me to keep me laughing and for extra hugs.

We picked him up at the end of school, and his teacher walked him out. I saw him and wanted to run to him...scoop him up, kiss him ridiculously, but..running is out of the question, so...I hobbled as fast as my swollen feet would let me, and saw on his lips "mama"...I was so excited that he saw me.

The teacher said he had an amazing day. All the kids love him, and he's a real ladies man at the playground. She mentioned how he wasn't really into sitting during circle time, so, they put some music on and he danced. They read my note..."dancing makes him happy". I love that they read my note.

I feel so happy for Tristan. This is a new chapter in his book, and he is having such a fun time writing the rest. Good job buddy, you are on your way.

Tooth Fairy! SUPER late post!

2011-01-16T15:57:00.000-08:00

I meant to post this long ago when it happened, but everything else was happening at the same time! So, without further delay...the tooth fairy visited!!

Trinity had this snaggle tooth that had been hanging out for some time. She was really not a fan of having it pulled or pulling it herself but she really wanted that thing out. We tried all kinds of things to help it out. Ice, numbing stuff, wiggling, but NOTHING would get that little thing to come out. Finally, the big girl tooth started to come in behind it and I told her that if we didn't pull it, we would have to go to the dentist to have it pulled...not that going to the dentist was a bad thing, but, it just meant that we would further delay her Tooth Fairy visit. So, she said I could pull it out. I was stunned. She normally does not like anyone messing with her mouth. With a "1, 2, YANK, 3!" it was out. Just.Like.That. She was a trooper, no tears, no fussing, and she smiled at me with a mouth full of blood. I was really hoping that she didn't look at herself in the mirror, because that would scare any 7 year old. Luckily, she just raced out to show Daddy.

The Tooth Fairy left her a tiny note a 2 silver dollars in her tooth box covered with "fairy dust". She was so excited and proud of herself. Good job Trinity, you are well on your way to a mouthfull of bumpy teeth!

Has it really been a month already??

2011-01-14T10:28:00.000-08:00

I am constantly surprised at how time so quickly slips away from us. It's been a month since my sweet Adeline was welcomed into this world. A MONTH. I really loved being pregnant, and though there are parts that I will always miss...nothing could take away from the gift we were given in Adeline. I remember waiting the last few weeks for her to decide to be born, those days...they seemed like forever, and here we are now, and I am trying to figure out a way to slow it all down. My birth was such a welcomed and surrealy wonderful experience, I just can't believe that it all happened over 30 days ago.

Adeline is growing more and more everyday. She has so many rolls, and is just a squishy wonderful thing. She has this amazing personality all of her own, loves to be held, and smiles constantly. I enjoy our late night nursing sessions, baby massages, and just staring at her. I can't stop staring at her. Last night, she was up for what seemed like an insane amount of time, but I actually enjoyed it! She just wanted to look at me. She was smiling and cooing and making me fall hopelessly in love with her even more.

She is, by all accounts, the most patient baby we have had yet. She is a champion sleeper, and as you can see by her pictures, a pretty proficient nurser too. She smiles so big that often times, I think she could blow doors off the house. She is just about to laugh...anyday now, and when she does, watch out. We are getting into our own groove, if we could just go a week without someone getting ill. Seriously, from the time we brought her home, to today as I type someone in this house is sick. Luckily though, it's not been her.

Well thats all for now, I will update more later...when I have two hands to type!!!!

Booby milk ROCKS!

2011-01-07T17:32:00.000-08:00

Adeline has gained 3lbs 4oz since birth! I so love seeing her beautiful rolls, her chubby cheeks, puffy hands and wrinkly wrists, knowing that I had something to do with that. We just love our chunky little one, and it's so much fun seeing her grow.

The birth of Adeline Ellery

2010-12-08T10:50:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that it happened. Not that I thought I would be pregnant forever...but, after you hit 40 weeks, you are pretty much used to being pregnant, I felt like it was just another extension of me, and that I would just be that way because I was so used to it. I am happy that I am patient. That I trusted you Adeline, and my body to do what it was supposed to do. The whole thing really happened so fast...and I want to be sure to jot it all down so I don't forget a single monumental moment.

I had my midwife appointment scheduled for 1150. This was THE appointment, the one that I have been subconciously worrying about. The one where the midwives were going to talk to me about induction.

As I lay there on the exam table, and wait for my check, I wonder what this will all be like. What will happen to our "plan" if I have to do something that I don't want to. I wonder if I say NO, will they say that I went against medical advice? I know that induction is not something that I planned on, but...all of a sudden, I feel ok with whatever has to happen. As long as our baby is happy and healthy, it will be what it is supposed to be. Just then, my water breaks. Just.like.that.

My midwife looks up at me and says "your water broke." I am advised just to go home, I was only about 2-3 centimeters dialated. Luckily, Shannon took me to this appointment. So, we drive home and I call my doula Kelley. At home, I am relaxed, excited, and so overwhelmed with anticipation. It's FINALLY here. Our birth day. I jump in the tub and start to relax, the contractions seem to be getting stronger, and I welcome them. My wonderful husband makes me a nice plate of food, of which I devour. I have to stay strong for this delivery, I can feel that it will be here soon.

By 430PM, my contractions are every 2 mins or so, and Kelley and I leave for the hospital. Shannon stays behind with the kiddos to get the rest of everything ready and will meet us there. On the car ride, Kelley and I talk about what is happening, the day we have all been waiting for is FINALLY here. I am feeling a bit surreal about the entire thing, then the big contractions start. This is definitely not a dream. I am still able to hold minor conversation, to engage in witty banter, and to smile...so, we know it's not time yet :)

We get to the hospital around 545 or so, the midwives are excited to see me, the nurses are amazed that I walked and didn't want a wheelchair...oy. We get set up in the room, and start to talk a bit about what my birth plan will be. My midwife was amazing. Her name is Lisa, and she was exactly what I needed to deliver our baby. She was strong, and kind, gentle and commanding. She advocated for our birth, and made sure that everything we wanted was going to happen. The lights in the room were dim, it was warm in there, and the bath water was running. I took off my clothes and started on the first part of our birth journey. The water feels AMAZING....I am relaxing in between contractions and really submitting to the stronger ones that greet me. Kelley is breathing deeply with me, coaching me along the way, reminding me to keep my mouth open, loose...and make those sounds that need to be made. She is such a strong and amazing woman, and having her eyes to focus on really helped me do what needed to be done. I am so thankful that she was there with me.

We continue in the bath off and on for about an hour...it's 630 now, and the contractions are getting really strong. Shannon gets to the hospital with my Trinity and Tristan in tow. The kids find a spot in the back of the room, Lisa turns the lights down and they are playing together. Everything is as it should be. Then, transition hits. The contractions start to get really strong, Shannon and I are together in the bathroom, he is running water down my back...he takes a picture that will forever embody my birth experience.

We get out the tub and dance together, I feel the baby moving down into my pelvic cavity, the pressure is getting really intense. I begin to vomit. I HATE vomitting. I HATE vomitting and having strong contractions. I peek over and Tristan is starting to throw up, he is dry heaving and I realize that this is too much for him. The nursing staff at our hospital were amazing. They set up a room just for us that he could escape to. A safe room. My mother took him there, and he was safe. I was happy. Time to focus on the task at hand. Trinity is the bathroom with us, she helps pour water on me, puts a wet washcloth on my forehead and tells me that I am doing a good job. She is amazing and supportive. My midwife tells her that she will make a good midwife or doula someday, I think she's right.

Shannon helped me up and over to the birth ball, I bounced for a bit...moving with my body and allowing the contractions to come. It was a bit too much sitting there, so, we danced. Dancing and rocking we stood together in the labor room, he kissed my head, and I held really tight to him. It felt wonderful to have him supporting me, in so many ways. I started to get dizzy again...she is coming. I hopped into bed, actually, more like clumsily stumbled, but...at any rate, I got my butt back in bed. It felt nice to have the midwife and my wonderful doula there, they helped to keep me focused, to remind me that I could do this. There was a moment when I closed my eyes and said I couldn't do it...Kelley told me to look at her, and in that moment she gave me four of the most inspiring words, "You ARE doing this...." The contractions were really mounting one on top of the other...she is coming. I felt the urge to push. ALREADY??? I thought for sure I was just making something up in my head. My midwife kept prompting me to trust my body, to push if I felt it. Adeline was working so hard to come.

I started to close my eyes and could feel my body arching backwards...BAD IDEA. Both Kelley and Lisa reminded me to curl into her, to feel the contractions and feel Adeline, to trust my body and work together with it, not against it. I did just that. I sat up and started to push, I could feel the excitement of my family, of my midwife, of Kelley...I knew that it was close. On the second push, Lisa told Shannon that he could deliver our baby, he was so happy and excited. I heard him say he didn't want to hurt her, and Lisa just guided his hands to where they needed to be. Last push....she was almost here, Shannon pulled her halfway out and I grabbed her under her arms. Pulling her warm body close to mine was such and amazing feeling, that feeling that you forget all too soon, so I made sure to be present in that moment...to remember it and soak it all in. It felt so great to have her in my arms. I did it. WE did it. Trinity was in complete amazement. She was so happy. I layed there with my new daughter and waited for the cord to stop pulsating. Afterwards, Shannon cut the cord and Adeline was free...she was born and was beautiful.

Holding our new baby feels amazing. It feels real. It feels right. I felt absolutely complete and in love. Having a baby is such an empowering and positive experience and my birth was exactly what it should have been. I was so thankful for everyone that helped to make it that way. That moment after she is born, I am looking down at her.....looking around the room at my family, and am so happy to have the people I love sharing this moment with me.

I watch in wonder as my daughter gives her baby sister her first bath, she is sweet, calm and trusting of her big sister. Trinity is so completely in control. She talks to Adeline, she touches her body and is not fearful of anything that happened. She is proud. I am happy for her.

My mom brings Tristan into the room and he gets to see his new sister for the first time, it's wonderful...everything is as it should be, and she just fits.

I will forever be thankful to everyone who supported me during Adeline's birthday and wanted to be sure to make it known here.

Kelley, my doula and best friend. You are so amazing. You helped me to stay focused, to feel loved and protected, to feel strong and able and comfortable. You took care of me and my family, loved my children and protected our wants and needs for this birth. Thank you so much for helping me do what I sometimes thought would be impossible. You made my birth perfect.

Lisa, my amazing midwife. Thank you for advocating for our natural birth. You and Kelley both worked together to help me achieve exactly what I needed to. You kept my birthplan in the forefront of your mind, and you respected all of our wishes. You made my birth perfect.

Shannon, my wonderful husband and strong advocate. Thank you a million times over for giving me the best possible gift that anyone could, our baby girl. It will never cease to amaze me how you are able to provide me with exactly what I need, regardless of what we can afford, but the love that you give all of us, is worth it's weight in gold. You are amazing. You made my birth perfect.

Trinity, my beautiful Trinity. Thank you so much for being you. I am always in awe of your ability to understand things that are far past your age. You are so amazing, so precious and you are a wonderful light in this sometimes dark world. You made my birth perfect.

Tristan, oh sweet bubbub. Thank you for being patient. You must have been worried about me towards the end there, and yet, you trusted what was happening and did what you needed to do to be calm. I love you so much and am so happy that you were there with me on your sister's birthday. You are incredible. You made my birth perfect.

Mom, thank you for being available to us whenever we need you. You are such an amazing mother and grandparent and I am so thankful for you. You made my birth perfect.

And finally, Adeline. My dear sweet Adeline. Thank you so much for choosing our family. We love your spirit, your calm and collected demeanor. The way that you smile and laugh in your sleep. You worked so hard the night of your birth, and I am so proud of you. Thank you so much for being you. You made OUR birth PERFECT.

Adeline Ellery Hydeman

8lbs 10oz 20inches long

Born 12/06/2010 at 9:41PM

Pep Talk

2010-12-05T04:37:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I lay in bed...a horrible case of insomnia once again plagues me, I am trying to think about what it is that is keeping me awake at night. Despite the obvious reasons, still pregnant..I am otherwise worry free. I have decided to take this time and really have a pep talk with baby girl. I wonder, when will you be born? What will it be like? Will I need to be induced? I want you to stay in there until you are ready, but....I want you to be a healthy little baby, I want you to thrive and have the best first chance you can. I have to be smart, to be proactive, and to be respectful to what you want too. I know that our birth will be exactly what it should be....but I am still overwhelmed with the idea of needles, medicine and too much intervention. We want a natural, and medical free-birth, I hope that can be acheived, even if I am induced. I am sure these worries are the underlying culprit of this damn lack of sleep...4 days now, and I have had MAYBE 6 hours tops.

The house is so quiet...I hear the dogs breathing, Tristan is flipping around in his bed, but not waking. Shannon is snoring quietly, and the cricketts are chirping outside. The neighbors annoying dog finally went to sleep around 2 AM, I was seriously about to poison him. I am laying here, in a froglike position staring at my "getting bigger everyday" belly. I wonder what contribution you will make to our silent symphony? Will you sleep well? Will your cries wake us up at night? I wonder about your temperment, will you be more like your sister or your brother??? Or perhaps, just you? It's time for that talk.

When are coming out to meet us? We had our appointment on Friday, and you are definitely ready. The Ultrasound pictures showed you with beautifully plump cheeks, full lips, and you even opened your eyes a few times. Everyone thinks you will be 8 lbs, I beg to differ...you feel so huge in there! I want you to know that we are ready for you. You are so anticipated, and are strong and able to make this journey with us.

I love to feel you in my tummy, but I so much want to hold you in my arms. I love you little baby, can't wait to meet you.

Officially taking the plunge

2010-11-26T07:21:00.000-08:00

I have gone back and forth with the idea of becoming Vegetarian. I have NEVER liked the idea of eating an animal, it disgusts me really. But, my body has craved meat and I have provided it. But, now, I am ready to finally take the plunge and devote myself to being vegetarian. It's so much healthier to eat a meat free diet, especially this day in age where our meats come from unreliable sources, riddled with hormones, pesticides, vaccinations and God only knows what else. I can grow vegetables in my own yard, I can't grow a cow and eat it...let alone kill it. The hardest part in this all is going to be Tristan's diet. I am not forcing the rest of the family to become veggies too...they can decide to do that on their own if they wish...but, I will not be cooking red meat, and Shannon is ok with that. So, here we are, day 4 of my "journey into vegetarianism" wish me luck.

Due Date, Schmoo Date

2010-11-23T16:29:00.000-08:00

So, my due date has come and gone. I am 40w+1, and honestly, I kinda had a feeling. Though I had been having pretty strong contractions, there was this unnerving feeling I had that baby would wait until the last minute, or most inoportune time to make her entrance. This just goes to show me how little control we actually have in all of this.

I am not new to being a "postdate", Tristan was born just before his 43rd week in utero. Really, it's not all that uncommon. The due dates are set based on a 28 day cycle. So, if you are anything like me, and are super duper irregular...well then, here we are.

Just to clarify for those who have asked me, and yes...they have already started asking me despite being only ONE day past my due date. Here are some answers to commonly asked questions.

"Are you going to induce?"
Um....not yet, the baby SHOULD come when she is ready, and I would like to give her that time....

"WOW, aren't you worried about the baby getting too big?"
I guess, but then again, Tristan was 10 lbs, so...I should be alright.

"Are you going to schedule a C-Section??"
This one especially kills me....NO.

"Is it because you are using a Midwife??? My doctor would never let me go THAT long."
Well, your doctor would probably also schedule your induction early so he could make it to his golf tournament too. And, no...it's not because I am using a midwife.

"Aren't you soooooo uncomfortable?"
No different than yesterday, when I was at my due date.

"Have you had that baby yet??"
LOOK at my stomach....what the hell do you think? Einstein.

So, hopefully this will clear up a few cloudy questions for you all...and for those who just wanted to check in, I appreciate it...but PLEASE stop asking if I had the baby yet, trust me...YOU WILL KNOW!!!!!

Getting closer to recovery

2010-11-23T08:16:00.000-08:00

For those that follow our blog, I am sure you remember our post about Tristan starting on his biomedical intervention journey. We have since paid thousands of dollars, and have seen some improvement...but, those have since tapered off. The DAN! Dr. that we saw before didn't provide us with the appropriate protocol that Tristan so desperately needs to continue improving, so we have been seeing a different NP (Naturopath) in our neighborhood. I am SO excited to report, that we are about to start 2 WONDERFUL interventions that we are hopeful will help Tristan in his day to day activities.

The first of these is Methyl B12 injections. He desperately needs the methly donor that methly-B12 provides to help his body detoxify toxins and chemicals. So, one way to go about providing it is by a shot. Now, most of you may think this is pretty extreme...but, it's really not as invasive as it may sound. The needle is as small as that of an insulin needle, and it's injected sub q into his bum when he is asleep. We have a numbing cream that is applied first, and then the injection to follow. Why are we doing this you ask? Tristan's, along with most children on the spectrum, biochemical processes that utilize B12 is deficient. Their guts are often not healthy, and therefore will not respond to oral forms of the vitamin. B12 is best utilized and absorbed when injected....and so here we are.

We are waiting for our shippment to come in, and will happily report any changes we see soon. Keep us in your thoughts!

38 weeks....and a baby shower! pictures to come!

2010-11-09T05:38:00.000-08:00

I am 38 weeks pregnant...can you believe it? It's almost time, we are going to meet this little bundle that has been crotch checking me the last 3 weeks. I am so excited, sentimental and happy for this time that I have had to feel her roaming around inside of me. I can't wait to hold her though.

This Saturday I was gifted with a beautiful baby shower. Shannon, my mom and my very good friend Kelley planned wonderful activities, ones that were really centered on the magic of this amazing gift. It was outside at a nearby park in our neighborhood, we had blankets and pillows thrown around the ground to be closer to earth and to enjoy the beauty around us. The food was YUM, and the company was fantastic.

My favorite time was when all the kids painted my tummy. A really beautiful experience and I cherished each moment. Kelley took pictures of Shannon and I together afterwards, and we were very happy she did...I don't know the last time someone took our picture that wasn't Trinity LOL.

I am getting very excited about the idea of my impending birth. I am so blessed to have found an amazing and caring friend in Kelley. She has been here with us during this journey, and has continued to become a very best friend to our family. If anyone is looking for Doula Services PLEASE check out her website. She is a gifted individual, and you will not be dissapointed in her ability to be 100% supportive during your birth.

Don't sweat the small stuff

2010-11-04T17:21:00.000-07:00

Today Trinity was playing at the park with Tristan and his therapist, and she decided to play in the mud. The therapist calls me and says "is it ok if she plays in the mud?!" Me, totally unfazed, "yeah...that's fine." The therapist replies, "Ok, just checking...I asked Trinity if you were going to get upset and she said that her mom doesn't worry about the little things, only the big things." NICE...I love that she knows that about me, and it's true, life is too short to sweat all the trivial things. Think about how that mud playing will impact her later, will it cause her any undue harm? Most likely not. Will she be scarred? I don't think so. Will she have enjoyed herself immensly and just felt free to be a child? Yup, and that is what this journey is all about. So, go play in that mud Trin, and do it right...I love you T, and thanks for knowing me so well.

37 Weeks!

2010-11-01T15:53:00.000-07:00

ALREADY? Seriously?? How did this happen? I can't believe that baby girl is just a few short weeks away from joining our family. I am so happy and excited, so thankful for this pregnancy, and yet...so tired at the same time. It's this bittersweet feeling, of joy and appreciation, coupled with exhaustion and fatigue.

Last week at my midwife appointment, I mentioned to the M/W's how I have just not been feeling myself. The contractions are still pretty strong, not all the way consistent, but heavy enough that I have to stop walking or talking. I have lost 5 lbs since the last appointment, not had a super duper appetite, and just been a little BLAH.

After the blood draws, urinalysis, NST's (they were being VERY proactive...which I appreciate). Baby girl looked great...mama on the other hand, not so great. My bloodwork came back with extremely elevated WBC's and very low Hemoglobin. Diagnosis, I am fighting off some sort of infection, and I am anemic.

But, I am super happy to report that at today's appointment showed me gaining back 2 of those 5lbs lost. The baby is roughly 7lbs in size, but is posterior right now. I talked with my doula, and she suggested crawling on my hands and knees to flip her...or other things *wink wink*. She said that the only reason this is not a desirable position for baby is because it can cause back labor...mama does NOT want back labor, so, hands and knees it is!

The M/W's checked my cervix and there has been a change!! I am currently dialated to a 2, and about 60% effaced, super exciting news, my body is on it's way. I am excited at the thought of finally meeting our new little girl, and can't wait to finally share her with all of you. Stay tuned for more and more updates.

Bully, bully...and not the song

2010-10-28T19:45:00.000-07:00

Trinity has a bully. This is something that has been going on since Kindergarten, and I thought it was all figured out. Let me give you some background info. In Kinder, the little girl was having terrible outbursts in class, was not listening, and having just an overall bad time. Trin's then teacher suggested that we sit Trinity next to the little demon...er, I mean child, to possibly have a positive impact on her. It helped, for a bit anyway. Then, my Trinity started to come home and tell me bout how the girl, let's call her Polly, would say mean things to her. She said that she would push her when they were in line for lunch, that she would yell at her and say she didn't like her. I found out that she didn't have the happiest of homelife's, and talked with Trinity about it. Trin's response was that we would treat her with kindness.

Trinity continued to handle it on her own, always conversing with us about it later that evening. It stopped for a while, but in the last few weeks, stories have been coming home again about how Polly has been unkind to my Trinity. She has started taking Trinity's friends, and rallying them against her. Not all the kids are going for it, because they too have been treated unfairly by Polly, but, the ones that do, boy...does it crush my little girl.

Trinity always tries to include everyone. All the new kids are instantly befriended by my gal. Trin has gone as far as seeking out Polly to be extra friendly to her, JUST because she is mean. I know it may not make sense, but we have always pressed that people act a certain way because of what they are given, and we have to love them regardless of their behaviors. So, it was no surprise then when I was walking her home yesterday, and she shared yet another story of Polly's harassment, that when I suggested "just not being her friend" Trinity responded with "But mama, that wouldn't be kind....I can't do that." Boy, did I have a lesson in acceptance that day.

Today, I saw it happen before my very eyes. Trinity was talking to Polly, and then, she dropped her shoulders and head, had a very defeated look on her face, and turned to go to class....I stopped her and asked what happened. A very sad response, she says "Mama, she just yelled at me, called me stupid and said she didn't like me." That's it. Mama Bear is on the prowl. I gestured for demon girl, I mean Polly, to come over to me. She stood in front of me and I very sternly had a talking with her:

Me- "Did you yell at her?"
Polly- "YES"
Me- "You will stop doing that immediately."
Polly-*Scared shitless look on her face*
Me- "Look at her" *pointing to Trinity* "do you see how sad she is?"
Polly-*nodding*
Me-"You are going to stop yelling and being mean to her or I am going to speak with your Mother and Father, do you understand me??" (that DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME thing works wonders)
Polly- *again, totally freaked out by this point* "Yes."

I hugged Trinity and told her that if Polly ever does anything mean to her, that she needs to tell someone right away. I hugged her and sent her on her way to class. That wasn't enough. I decided to take the next step and called her principal. Apparently Trinity isn't the only child that is being bullied by Polly, not surprised.

The Principal came to Trinity's class today, pulled her out and had a mediation between the two girls. I was so proud at how Trinity handled it. The little girl apologized for being mean, and Mrs. Evan's suggested that they be friends. Trin's response to Polly "I can't be your friend if you are going to be mean to me...." so, Polly responds "I won't be mean to you anymore." Let's hope not little one, because I have a lot more Mama Bear in me that is ready to come out.

Dear Baby,

2010-09-23T08:44:00.000-07:00

Today I found myself particularly sentimental about our pregnancy. I caught a glimpse of my shadow when walking back from Trinity's school this morning. In that moment I felt so happy, and thankful for you and this pregnancy, it was overwhelming really. I am so thankful for how beautiful you have made me feel. How much energy I have now, and how I connect with you on a daily basis. I am so happy for this miracle happening inside of me...can you believe that you have just a few more weeks to grow? I wonder how anyone could not enjoy being pregnant. Thinking about being your mama feels good, but, I think I will really miss this time that I have had with you in my womb. Maybe because this may be the last time....or maybe because going from 2 to 3 is such a leap, whatever the reason, I am going to miss it. I love how your daddy looks at me and tells me how beautiful I am. How your sister Trinity kisses you in my tummy each night before bed. How your big brother Tristan rubs you in my belly and says "baby". I love feeling your movements, how you respond to touch and light...how you love music, especially Mason Jennings. I think it's amazing that you have already put yourself on a schedule and you wake an sleep at the same time each day. Your energy fills me up and makes me feel fantastic. Thank you so much for choosing us to be your parents. I will enjoy these last few weeks with you safely inside, trying to remember every moment. Grow baby, get healthy and strong, we have quite a challenge to face, and soon.

Fun Times

2010-09-23T08:42:00.000-07:00

She wants to join the Circus, and some day, he'll be an Acrobat. For now...we just have fun at Family Carnivals.

Happy Birthday Shannon!

2010-09-23T08:40:00.000-07:00

August 29th was Shannon's birthday and we celebrated at home with family. Tristan has started to really love the Birthday Song, and can hum the entire thing adding in "to you" at the right moment. Trinity made her daddy a Transformers Coloring Book and she was so proud to give it to him. It was such a great day, and I am SO glad that he was born :)

Tortoise??? REALLY??

2010-09-23T08:38:00.000-07:00

Yes, we are indeed insane. We rescued yet ANOTHER pet last month, this tortoise that we have affectionately named, Donatello. He is fabulous. Animal count is now at a staggering 12, whereas the people are still steady at 4. Now, to be fair, 4 of those 12 are fish, and 2 are lizards...the cat never comes out to play until the kiddies are in bed, the bunnies are basically small dogs, and the dogs...well, they are basically human. "Next time, on Animal Hoarders"....oy. Keep in mind, this dinosaur cousin stays outdoors, eats grasses and fresh veggies from the garden, and has VERY little upkeep. We do love him so, and he's fun to introduce to the neighbor kids.

We're Jumpin' on the bed....

2010-09-23T08:37:00.000-07:00

They LOVE to do this....I don't blame them, it looks pretty fantastic when they do.

Ahoy Matey!

2010-09-22T08:39:00.000-07:00

Sunday was National "Talk Like a Pirate Day" and along with that, they had Pirate Day at Trinity's school. Had me and Tristan not had to go to his school for his eval, we would have done it up right! But, I think Shannon and Trinity pretty much covered all the basis, ARGH!

School for the T - Man

2010-09-20T17:10:00.000-07:00

It's getting closer....Tristan will be going to school soon, and though I originally had some serious apprehensions, after his evaluation last week, I must say that I am feeling so much better about the entire process.

During the eval, there was the entire Developmental Team (about 4-5 people) to evaluate Tristan's skills (think playing with a purpose and being observed) and to ask me a bevvy of questions ranging from his social development to his psychological. During the interview, the subject of his early reading skills was raised. I talked about how he is able to see a word once, and then master that word and read it whenever he sees it again. They asked about specific words, and were very intrigued with the idea that he was able to recognize everything from "apple" to the more complex "computer". His reading vocabulary has grown by leaps and bounds in the past few months, going from reading roughly 25-30 words to now well over 100.

At the end of the evaluation, we were told that he has a developmental disorder called Hyperlexia. Hyperlexics are often misdiagnosed as Autistics at a young age. When they hit the age 4-5 they grow more out of the "autistic type" behaviours and lead into the developmental disorders associated with Hyperlexia. Hyperlexia is present in about 10% of children misdiagnosed with ASD. They are also extremely intelligent, verging on savant. They have specialized capabilities, and excel at things that require early reading, order and picture associations. We have worked with Tristan on many things, and nothing is more exciting for him than to read.

This may be a new opening in his door of many things to come, but for now, we are going to just take it day by day...treating each new discovery as they come. Our little guy, the "maybe autistic, possibly hyperlexic, showing signs of an appraxic, definitely wonderful Tristan."

Lucy, you got some explaining to do.....

2010-09-20T17:08:00.000-07:00

I totally ABSOLUTELY suck at blogging. There, I said, I SUCK. I have so many aspirations to put amazing pictures to a story and share it all with you, my beloved friends....but alas, I don't do it. Instead, I sit and thumb through a large magnitude of pictures stored on my camera and dream up ways of writing fabulous stories, knee slapping one liners, and tales of amazement. Do you see any??? Nope. I haven't been able to blog like I know that I should. BUT, I am hoping soon that will all change. I do have high hopes, let's HOPE that I can stick to them.

Heeelllloooo 31 weeks!

2010-09-20T16:23:00.000-07:00

Here it is...9 more weeks (give or take a few) and we will meet baby 3! We have been playing around with a few names, but...are going to wait to see her before we decide officially. So, what have I been doing to prepare you ask? NOTHING!!! ACK! This pregnancy has literally snuck up and bit me on the ass (and left a few extra pounds there too). I haven't washed anything, really bought anything, had a baby shower (do you even have one of those on your 3rd?), haven't broken out the co-sleeper, ANYTHING. Now, all of a sudden, I am in nest mode, high gear. I have organized the bookshelves, dusted and purged from our entertainment center, cleaned off the hutch, and have been donating like crazy. My goal is to cut down on the toys here by at least 50% before baby comes. The kids are only really using a handful of them, and we will keep what is most dear, but...the other stuff, has to go, and they are ok with that. I am working on a baby quilt, and will be having the kiddos help make a peice of art for their new sister. We are all very excited and happy at the thought of adding another Hydeman to our family and are cherishing these last few weeks before her arrival. I have taken some more baby bellly pics and will post those soon! For now, NAP TIME....boy, am I pooped.

I am - August

2010-08-19T17:33:00.000-07:00

thankful for amazingly supportive family and friends
so proud of my family
getting a bigger belly everyday, and loving it
nervous about Tristan starting preschool
proud of our chemical free home
having a hard time with finances
wishing that it would get cooler....like yesterday
proud of my photography
feeling creative
overwhelmed with the idea of changing t's diet...AGAIN
still wishing on stars and hoping for miracles

This is our journey...we have to stay on track.

2010-08-18T17:51:00.000-07:00

Everyday, it's a journey for us. We balance our life with Trinity and helping her to be the happy and well adjusted caring kiddo that she is. We strive to provide all the support and love that she needs and hope that she understands why her sibling dynamic is so different than her friends. We hope that she will always love him the way she does now, and that she will never resent this life or what we expect from her. We love our children. We hope that everything we do for them is seen and felt. I just know that one day, it will pay off...it pays off everyday, little by little...but the jackpot, the big one...I hope we hit it one day and Tristan loses his autism diagnosis completely.

Today...I am a little overwhelmed. We have had doctor's appointments up the wazoo, and now, we have MORE allergens for little t. Tristan has completed another round of allergy testing. We have a whole new list of things he can and can't eat...the bigger list is what he can't eat. He is now on a no Phenol diet...which is REALLY stinkin' hard. Anyone out there that is familiar with this diet, help me out please, cause I am overwhelmed. I stumbled across a great blog today, one of another mother who has and is traveling through this journey like we are. She posted a letter that I wanted to share. It touched me, to my core really, and I hope that you read it, if you are going through a similar situation, that you can absorb it, and move on to help your little one. We are trying, everyday, to find a way to help Tristan the best we can. I hope that we will find that one thing that does it for him, but I know it's not going to be that easy...until then, we will keep searching.

Thank you to all our friends who have offered help, to family who is understanding and accommodating...thank you to everyone who loves us, and our children for who they are. We think they are pretty great, and will only get greater with time.

An Open Letter
By Jon Gilbert

The other day that mom with the little boy who was making so much commotion in the fast food restaurant noticed you staring at her. He was a handful, wasn't he? His screaming was incessant

and the way he was challenging his mother: unacceptable. It's understandable that you would never allow your own child to holler at you like that, or bounce between the booths. You found yourself wondering what would possess her to bring an unruly child like that out into public in the first place. As your respectful children stood beside you in silence, you wondered when he would just be quiet. And you wondered what kind of mother she must be.

If you only knew what that mom wonders.

She wonders what she can do to get him to stop screaming. Sometimes it lasts all day, and lately, it's been almost every day. Then, while you put your kids back in the car, she wonders if he'll keep his seat belt on for the entire ride. You will get them home and they'll head right upstairs to play together nicely. She wonders if he'll decide it's time to begin switching the lights on and off repeatedly, or throw to everything that's on the desk onto to the floor.

When your kids fall down, you can ask them where it hurts and they can tell you. It hurts the other mom that all she can do is hold her little boy and wonder when he'll stop crying. Later, while you wonder what story you will read to your child tonight, the mom you know nothing about will once again cry herself to sleep in her husband's arms.

You wonder later why God would give any child to "that kind" of parent, yet she's thankful that God chose her. You judge the stranger based on that one incident, while she wonders why you didn't just ask if you could help. She probably wouldn't have taken it, but she would have appreciated the gesture.

Your four-year-old has mastered the art of conversation. She find's it triumphant that her son mumbles, "go school" and "want eat." You already wonder what your child's high school prom will be like. Meanwhile the other mom wonders when her four-year-old will potty train.

You wonder who your little one will marry some day, while the mom with the rambunctious son worries that he may not graduate from high school. You plan to send your child to the best university, and the lady that you
never met wonders if she'll have to care for hers as an adult.

While she's not jealous that your kids obey, talk and dream, she does wonder what it would be like to be able to call her son "normal." He is who he is. There's no altering that, and his mother wouldn't change him for the world. But feeling your eyes burn through her melts her soul. She does the best he can, and wonders why you judge them both.

She doesn't ask for your sympathy, just your understanding. Her family puts a lot of time and effort into helping him become the best somebody he can be. You don't see it, but that's all right, because his mom sees it every day. She sees the victories as well as the defeats.

You cast your judgment based on the one day you saw the unruly child in public. No one faults you for that, because the other mom used to do the same thing, back before her son's diagnosis. All the mom asks of you today is compassion and consideration.

Tonight, when you tuck your kids into bed, be thankful for the children you have and for who they are. Understand that, while you are getting butterfly kisses from your little angel, there are parents wondering when theirs will be able to say the words, "I love you."

Kids can be so cruel...

2010-08-12T10:14:00.001-07:00

Trinity and Tristan go to a little playgroup at the gym called "Kids Club". It's usually a good mix of kids, varying in ages and abilities. Backtracking a bit, Tristan had a food compromise (which means he ate something that he is allergic to, thus affecting him nuerologically/sensory and it just makes him act "wonky" as sister says). At any rate, he still went to play, and we asked that Trinity just help him a bit more than usual. I broke down at dinner last night...I found out some things that made me so sad...so much so that it stuck with me through-out last night, and into today, it will most likely stick with me forever.

Tristan was trying to play with some children, and Trinity said they were forming a circle around their toys and with arms spread out in front of them, saying things to Tristan like "NO, you can't play with us...you have germs!" when I asked T why they were saying that, she said it's because he sticks toys in his mouth. She said that they hide their food because he tries to eat it...and they call him names. What the hell? Where are the attendants? When did this become OK behavior? I didn't think that ganging up on a special needs child was something considered acceptable playground behavior. She said they continued to do things like this the whole time they were there. They used chairs as a barrier to keep him out, locking themselves under the table...that they were afraid of him. WHAT? My boy? I don't understand where this is coming from, and I am so saddened to think that these children have such a skewed reality of what and who Tristan really is. Trinity defended him, and said "He's a nice boy...he just is different." Why did she have to do this? Why didn't any adult step in?

This, my friends...this is my nightmare. I am fearful for my boy, for the judgement, the ridicule, the lasting affect that these words and actions can and will have on him. Shortly after the "attack" Tristan proceeded to destroy the room. I am sure he was lashing out of sadness, frustration...I can't say that I blame him. How else is a child that cannot talk supposed to have his words heard? He knocked down an entire bookshelf of toys. He even managed to escape from the room, and get all the way up two flights of stairs to run to the sanctuary of his dad. HOW DID HE GET OUT OF THE ROOM??? WHERE WERE THE ATTENDANTS? I am so fearful that this will be an ongoing problem...that children will continue to be mean, that adults will continue to get frustrated, that Tristan will continue to be ignored.

Happy 1st Day of 1st Grade!

2010-08-09T11:08:00.000-07:00

It's amazing what a year can do...I remember when we sent Trinity off for her first day of Kinder...I was a wreck. She was a little ball of nerves, which quickly settled, but me...all day long trying to keep myself occupied, phone at my hip at all times, checking the clock and her schedule to see what she was doing at any given time. A wreck...a complete and utter mess. This year, totally different. We went through the usual motions, buying school supplies, picking out her outfit, packing her lunch, getting all her items ready for class. This year she will use "the big kids" restroom, whereas in Kinder, they had a private room...so, we had the potty talk "now, Trin, you know nobody needs to go in the potty room with you right?" We took a little family photo before walking her to school.
Everything was simple, no anxiety...relaxed. We took her to her class, she gave us both a quick kiss, then handed her bag to her teacher and sat down to get to work. So proud of her independence, her even temper, and her joy of learning. She has definitely come a long way from that little apprehensive Kindergartner that we once knew. Way to go Trinity...you have made it to 1st grade!!!!

Hello Belly...

2010-07-23T00:08:00.000-07:00

...so nice of you to finally show up.

Bye Bye Pump...

2010-07-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

...and the words from the great (or not so great) Donald Trump "You're Fired" *pretend to do the cobra hand thingy he does". I have officially, as of today, completely weaned off of my zofran pump *doing the happy dance*. I am sooo excited to be done with that damn thing, you have no idea. I was so sick of injecting myself EVERY DAY...my skin started to breakdown and I had to change the site every morning. I hated how I was woke up at odd hours in the night to refill a syringe, replace a battery or check on dosing. I disliked not being able to walk around without something on my shoulder, in my leg and always on my body. Now I am free. I have no cords holding me down. I don't have to be careful when pulling up my jeans for fear of ripping out my IV. I can have spontaneous love making with my husband and that is a wonderful thing. Today is a milestone, an achievement that I wasn't sure I would hit by now...but thanks to my nurses, I was able to slowly dose down, and here we are. No more pump...what a wonderful thing.

No one can see autism....

2010-07-21T11:25:00.000-07:00

I found this on another website, had to post it here....very good description of how Autism functions and how it is viewed by the general public.

***How an Autistic Child Thinks:
Nobody can see my disability. I look just like every other kid-attractive, walking, making sound's. They can't see how my neurons are scrambled in my brain. They can't see the misconnections between the left and right brain. Nobody can see I have autism.
Nobody can see that my body is sick. No one can see that my stomach is in knots from my digestive system not working. No one can that my body and mind are starving because my cells don't make the right enzymes to digest food. No one see that I suffer from low blood sugar because I can't properly metabolize nourishment.
No one can see that my body is attacking its own nerve cells from auto-immune dysfunction. No one can see that mercury lead and arsenic cannot be excreted from my body, so it keeps building up in my brain. No one understands that my body cannot tolerate normal enjoyments for children, like bright, vivid colors and loud noises. I desperately want to be a kid and enjoy these things, but my body just won't let me.
But everyone can see how inappropriate my behavior can be when I am out in public. Everyone can see how immature I can be compared to other kids my age. Everyone sees the 2-year old tantrums when things have been too overwhelming for me. Everyone sees my frustration from trying to cope.
Everyone sees my screaming and fighting. Everyone just assumes I'm being bad, not that my body hurts, my eyes are in pain from colors, my ears ring with loud noises not heard by others.
Everyone sees my tantrums when I don't get my way. No one sees that I can't explain my fear when I think I'm not being understood. Everyone may see my screams when my mom takes something away from me. No one can see that having something of comfort can keep my fears under control for me, and taking it away makes my nerves explodes in anxiety.
No one understands how hard I have to work to keep my behaviors from reacting to the chemical imbalances in my body that makes me feel horrible. No one can see that, no matter how hard I try, sometimes I cannot control it. No one can see the shame I feel after I've had a meltdown from my body's problems.
What they don't see I am a person. I have feelings and want to be loved and accepted like everyone else. What they don't see is that, when they look at me like I need a good spanking; I understand that I'm not capable of controlling my body.
What they don't see is that I scream because I don't know how to say "HELP ME"
What they don't see is that I hear every ugly word they say, but for the life of me, I can't make my mouth say what I'm feeling. But they don't see that as a disability. They say I am unmanageable. They say I am a problem.
But I am not a problem. I HAVE AUTISM. My mom has taken me to more doctors and specialist than you can ever imagine. She's read more books and done more research on my disease than parents would ever want. She has tried special diet, supplements, drugs and various metabolic therapies. She has PRAYED for GUIDANCE and asked for discernment on how to help my body. And behaviors, OH YES, has she tried everything to help my behavior.
Stop telling her all I need is a spanking. If spanking would stop all this, my mom would gladly exchange my disability for a spanking. She knows better than all of you what I need to help me, and what we both need is your understanding, not ignorance.
I just want to be accepted and understood. No blamed and ashamed, I want to be appreciated for my gifts. I do have some if you look more closely. I want to be cared for as a person. I want you to care, even when I act like I don't.
I want to be respected, just like you do. I want you to respect my mom and dad for all the hard work they have done to help me try to lead a normal a life as possible. I want you to respect my family and all the struggles we have to endure because of our love for each other.
I want to be LOVED like any other child. And need you to role model respectful behavior for me so I can be respectful too. I want you to love me just like God would.

22 is a great number.

2010-07-19T19:36:00.000-07:00

Soooo much yummy goodness in the number 22....it was the day that I was born, is the estimated due date of baby #3, is my lucky number and is where I am at in this pregnancy. 22 weeks already! It is really moving by fast. More good news...today, I dosed down for the 2nd time since starting the Zofran. This is a HUGE step towards weaning completely off the medication and having NO MORE PUMP!!! I get very excited at the idea of that. I have my midwife appointment on the 28th, and they will be doing another ultrasound to check weight/fluid/movement of baby. I am excited to get another sneek peek in there. I took some really nice belly pictures, but they were inadvertantly deleted from my memory card *EEK* so, hopefully this week, we can snap a few more. So far in this pregnancy I have realized a few things:

1-Pregnancies over 30 are much harder on your body then when you are a young gal
2-My ass thinks it's pregnant too
3-"The rules" of pregnancy kinda go out the window when you are chasing around 2 children..."don't lift anything heavier than 50 lbs...." yeah right.
4-People assume you are just fat, because the idea of you being pregnant again just seems crazy
5- Keeping track of how far along you are takes skill. I remember when I was pregnant with my first two, every week I updated a blog, I had a pregnancy ticker, I took pictures....now, when someone asks me how far along I am...I have to stop and count the weeks, so...I just say "5ish months".
6-My skinny jeans have officially kicked me out.
7-Decorating a nursery is a waste of time. In my experience, the baby sleeps in our room most of the time, so why bother, save money for more important things...like a good carseat.
8-I am so much more relaxed this time around. I have learned that pregnancy is to be enjoyed, and cherished, because honestly, we really don't know when it may or may not happen again. It's such a wonderful blessing, and I am thankful to be living it again.

Halfway there....

2010-07-05T19:22:00.001-07:00

Time really has flown by. As of today, I am 20 weeks and halfway through this pregnancy. I can't believe that I will be a mama again in November. We are really excited about the new baby, and can't wait to learn more about her/him. I have another U/S scheduled the end of this month to monitor baby's weight gain, etc. I will share that with you when we have it. *I do have belly pictures, just need to upload them...when I have a chance, I will update that as well!*

Midwife appointment today

2010-07-01T09:56:00.000-07:00

We had our checkup today. The last appointment ran over, so we only got to do the U/S but no meet with our M/W. Here are some of the stats from my appointment.

I have gained a total of 5 lbs in this pregnancy so far....lost 5 since my last appointment :( Baby is right on track for their birthday of between 11-22 and 11-28. The heart rate was in the 160's again today, and was very loud. Baby was super active which was fun to watch....I am getting SUPER excited about the new birthing rooms that are opening the end of summer at Phoenix Baptist. They will have birthing tubs, no restrictions, real beds, and the total care of midwives. I am also excited because as long as nothing is wrong with baby (ie. meconium, low birth weight, low apgar, or gbs+) we can go home in 6 hours after baby is born *cue the angels singing* they also do not care if both siblings are present, regardless of time of year.

Baby is REALLY consistent on their wake/sleep cycle already. Tristan was this way too, and it seemed to transfer over into his real life after he was born. Baby is always awake at 930PM, for around 10 mins, then drifts off to sleep. We time it, and sure thing...there it is "thump, bump...thump, thump." I love that feeling by the way.

My legs are starting to run out of spots for my iv...and that sucks. Today my midwives discussed whether I need to move it to my tummy *scared face* OUCH. Hopefully the infusion sites will heal up and I can continue to put it in the fatty part there...because, let me tell you..the thought of peircing a needle in my belly really freaks.me.out.

We have another ultrasound scheduled on 7/28 since I continue to lose weight and have horrible vomitting episodes. I will update you then on how it all goes.

18 weeks pregnant...and feeling it (in a good way)!

2010-06-26T22:16:00.000-07:00

18 weeks have passed since we first started this journey so I thought it was time for a REAL pregnancy update, not one talking about a stupid pump or vomit or medication! I am going to try and do these monthly, so...here is month 4.

The baby is moving A LOT...boy do I feel it. Shannon has also felt baby move, and he was so happy...it was a great moment to share together. As a mama, here we are feeling all these amazing things, moment by moment, that at times I am sure that most dads may feel a bit left out...I think once the baby is at a gestational age that their tiny movements can be felt from outside the womb, it seems like it feels realer for the dad's when they can feel it too.

I am finally not as tired as I was in the very beginning, and let me tell you...that is an awesome thing. I am still in my regular clothes, only a few of my jeans have started to get tight..for now I refuse to let them kick me out. My solution to the tiny tightness is by ghetto rigging my jeans and using the rubber band method, works GREAT, and costs NOTHING! Total weight gained so far...about 6 lbs, feeling great overall, and loving this baby bump. I will try and post some pictures, haven't really posted any before, because...well, there wasn't anything to show yet!

Cravings...not many. I have been trying to eat as much as can be tolerated, mostly raw foods, slushies, and fruit. Just recently, red meat has been a HUGE turn off, so, holding off on that for the time being. Seafood is something that I am surprisingly able to tolerate really well..YUMM.

Being pregnant in the summer SUCKS. I wish it was about 10 degrees cooler, and that I could go swimming :( My solution to staying cool...popsicles, and lots of them. I also make fruit slushies and smoothies and that REALLY helps. I guess my favorite "snack" of sorts is frozen lemonade...soooo good.

Trinity is super excited about her new baby sister or brother. We have gone through the video of when she was born, and pictures of Tristan's birth to refresh her memory. She can't wait to hold baby, neither can I.

I will keep you updated on baby 3 as change happens. Stay tuned for more Hydeman family news!

Update on my pump and pregnancy stuff

2010-06-22T12:33:00.000-07:00

It's been a month since starting the zofran IV medication, and let me tell you...night and day people, NIGHT and DAY. Before being on the pump, I was sick all.day.long. Not fun. I would wake up in the middle of the night, vomitting uncontrollably, I couldn't eat or drink anything unless I wanted to see it again in 10 minutes. I lost weight, bunches of it, and I felt so sick. Baby did so good during all of this, he/she stayed strong and stuck around...boy are we happy about that. I can't express how much happier I am to be able to function semi normally (because we all know I don't really do "normal" all that well anyway ;) But now that I have raved about how well I feel, I thought I should mention the darker side *cue the scary voice*

A few Con's to the pump so far:
-Site changes SUCK. The thought of having to plunge a needle into my thigh every 2 days just makes my tummy turn.
-THE BURN! When I have really bad days, there is something called a "bolus" or "demand dose" it's basically 4 hours of medication in 12 minutes. This burns at the infusion site, you get used to it over time...but there are occasions that it hits me...OUCH.
-Forgetting about the pump...OK, this one, SUCKS. The pump comes with a handy shoulder strap, and when I sit down, I take it off and put it on the back of the chair (think purse, hanging on chair back). But there are times I forget it's attached to me, get up, and the IV comes ripping out of my leg. Not fun...let me tell you.
-Site infection. This has only happened to me a handful of times, but, it's something worth mentioning. Sometimes the spot where the infusion is will seriously irritate the muscle/skin tissue, and nice size knot remains. My nurses tell me to alternate hot and cold compresses, but I have a bump from a 12 day old site and I don't see it going away anytime soon.
-Headaches. This is one of the few side effects from the medication, so naturally, I would get it. Headaches and me go way back, and these are pretty severe.
-Dizziness. Another lovely side effect that I could do without. BUT, there is a lovely drug called "BONINE" it's for motion sickness, completely safe during pregnancy, and TOTALLY takes the dizziness away....make a note of that.
-Skin breakdown. I have ridiculously sensitive skin, hence the skin breakdown. Luckily, they sell a lovely product called "skin prep" and you wipe it on in lieu of an alchohol pad, it puts a barrier between my skin and the infusion site adhesive. I hope it helps soon, cause at this rate, I won't be wearing shorts or a swimsuit anytime soon.
-Just being attached to a device 24 hrs a day. It makes simple things seem so difficult. Such as: sex, baths, showers, playing tag with the kiddos, swimming, laying on the side with the site, working out, sleeping in general, driving....

But even with it all...at the end of the day, feeling that amazing baby growing inside of me...it's all worth it.

In my fake shopping bag(s) right now...

2010-06-22T12:10:00.000-07:00

I know, I know...we have been over this. WHY do I torment myself with the thought of purchasing such lovely things, when I know that I can't and won't afford it. I think it's so freeing to click away, placing those little treasures into a virtual shopping cart and then just leaving it. I don't have the guilt, I don't suffer the blow to my pocket book, and I don't really need the stuff...ok, the diapers I need, but, not yet. For now, Fakeshopping is it.

...no, not the girl...just the girly outfits.

I am - June

2010-06-22T11:28:00.001-07:00

thankful for my husband
happy for my awesome family
enjoying my pregnancy
still hopelessly in love with turqoise and orange, and even yellow too
absolutely addicted to fake shopping
liking this ever growing baby belly of mine
proud of my photography
wishing for cooler weather
in disbelief that Tristan is going to be 4 next month
dreaming about when I will have enough land for chickens and a fat garden
happy where we are in life. we have little, but some have none
optimistic
loving my messy house
saddened by the oil spill and all the life that has and will be lost
sewing and stocking up my cloth diaper stash
still wishing on stars and hoping for miracles

Another picture to share

2010-06-20T11:10:00.000-07:00

Another picture of baby 3.

Not sure if you can see it, but baby is kicking back, one leg up on knee and arm behind head....pretty relaxed!

Very Happy

2010-05-30T15:02:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to say....I'm very happy.

Pump it up!

2010-05-27T17:00:00.000-07:00

Not like the dance. No, no...this is nothing that Salt n Pepa could have written, this is something FAR different. Welcome, to my pump. I had my Zofran pump installed" today. I have been upgraded from "regular mommy" to "cyborg super mommy". All kidding aside, this is a lifesaver. *if you are interested, I can upload a picture, otherwise, here is a stock photo of the unit*

For those who have been emailing and asking, let me clarify what is going on with our pregnancy right now. I am currently 15 1/2 weeks pregnant, and have been diagnosed with late onset hyperemesis gravidarum. It happens in about 1% of pregnancies, and though the cause is unknown, most health care profs think that it can be attributed to hormonal changes during pregnancy. This HG is nothing new to us though. I had a very severe case when I was pregnant with my Trinity. To sum up what it feels like, I can only explain it like this...think about morning sickness, now, add in the feeling you get when you get off the teacups, throw in the feeling you get when you have food poisoning and just for fun, add in flu symptoms...there you go, Hyperemesis Gravidarum has come a knocking on your door. It's virtually impossible to get anything done, showering, walking, riding in the car, eating, even laying down to rest are sometimes unbearable. So, after trips to the ER, admissions to the hospital, dehydration, weight loss, I.V.'s and major vomitting...our midwife concluded it was time to take the next step.

Zofran is the drug that I am currently on. Some women who suffer from HG respond very well to oral forms of this medication, but, not this mama. I have had 4mg every 4 hours, 4 mg every 2 hours, 8 mg every 6 hours, to 8 mg every 4 hours...they take the edge off, let me look like I function like a normal human being, but I still can't keep any food down, only liquids, and in VERY small amounts.

This medication is commonly administered to patients going in for surgeries to bypass any vomitting or naseau that they may experience, and is prescribed to cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy. I will most likely have to be on Zofran IV the duration of this pregnancy. So, here is a little list of Q&A for anyone doing research on Zofran. Hope this helps.

Does it hurt? Yes, but like with anything, you get used to it. I can't start a site myself, Shannon has to do it....I am such a wuss when it comes to injecting myself with needles.

Are their any side effects? To me...welts at the infusion site, redness and itching and hardening at the site. At times, it can make you dizzy, but nothing compared to the way I was feeling before the medication. To baby, there are no known side effects, and having a daughter that was a Zofran pregnancy, I can tell you, there are none...maybe just increased language/chattiness LOL.

Does it work?? OMG....does it ever. Like night and day. I go from not being able to sit up or eat and drink, to functioning like a "normal" (whatever that means) person.

Is it expensive? Terribly. If you don't have insurance, be prepared to pay out the ass...and I mean it. The oral medication runs about $30/pill, and I had to take 2 every 4 hours to be semi-functioning. The pump itself is covered through insurance, but if lost or damaged, the $4995 price tag could really set you back. You have to change your site at least every 2 days, and that means new tubing, needles and biohazard/sharps bags. I haven't gotten the run down sheet from the insurance company yet regarding costs, but 7 years ago when I was pg with Trinity, the syringes of medication ran about $85/syringe, and I had to use 2 in a day everyday. YIKES.

How long will you have to be on it? I was on the IV with Trinity until my 8th month. It's likely that I will be on this medication for the duration of the pregnancy. Most women who suffer from HG early onset, will have the symptoms for the first 20 weeks.

Is it big and bulky? No, about the size of a Nintendo DS, but not as heavy. It's fairly easy to conceal, especially if you have a purse you carry...problem..I don't usually carry a purse and I have a big little boy on my hip.

So, hopefully this answered some questions for all of you, hopefully if there are other mamas suffering from HG they are able to read this and feel some sense of preparedness. Ultimately, I have to say how thankful I am. I am thankful for getting and staying pregnant, for having access to lifesaving medication, and for a supporting family and great small circle of friends. Now, lets just get through these next 5 months shall we!

Hello little graduate

2010-05-25T15:15:00.000-07:00

Trinity graduated from Kindergarten on the 20th. She was so super proud of herself! We can't believe that next year she will be in 1st grade!

She has had a great year with the help of an amazing teacher, a wonderful school and really good friends. She is excited to see them next year, and hopes to have a few of her old classmates in her 1st grade class.

2010-05-25T12:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Little Baby,

When we first found out about you, I was so excited, and I stayed excited for a while...until I started to get sick. We made the choice not to tell anyone about you, and I even tried not to get too attached for fear that we may just lose you like we have other babies in the past. We have had a hard road with pregnancies, and I felt like this was just going to be another one of those bumpy paths paved with misfortune and heartbreak. But here we are, 15 weeks already and you decided to stick around, I am so happy you did.

I got to see a picture of you yesterday...granted, the circumstances weren't the most desirable, but ER or not, I got to see your beautiful profile...and that little flutter, your heart. I hope you don't think that I didn't want to share you with anyone...I wasn't embarrassed, or ashamed, just fearful, but after the doctor said "You have a little fighter in there"....I knew it was o.k. to tell everyone. I hope that in sharing you with the world, everyone can think happy, positive thoughts for you, and keep you fighting in there...keep you strong in there, so you can be strong out here. Stay strong ok?

I remember when I was pregnant with your older sister Trinity...that pregnancy was much like this one. I too was on special medicine to help keep me from getting sick. But even with the I.V.'s, medicine pumps and endless bouts of sickness, I am always so greatful to be pregnant. I know that there are so many others who are not able to be, and I can't imagine what that must feel like. We start the new medicine tomorrow, and I am happy and hopeful that it will give me a chance to not be sick anymore. I want you to know that you are so wanted, so loved and so anticipated already. We want to meet you, and hope you decide to be born. I never imagined to be going through this again, but, here we are, on a new journey together. I can't wait for you to meet your family.

Reading!

2010-05-19T09:38:00.000-07:00

For those of you who Facebook, I added a few weeks ago about how Tristan is starting to read. He has added at least 20 more words to his reading vocabulary, and he is learning more everyday. It started as just a little experiment, we were working on sight words with Trinity on the chalkboard, and here is little bub, standing next to his sister, and before she has sounded out the word, he blurts it out...plain as day, "apple". Shannon and I both stared at each other in amazement. This is the same little boy that has so much difficulty forming any words, and he is reading. We added a few more simple words, "Cat, Dog, Boy, Girl" all of which he recognized and said. Though some of the words don't come out sounding like you or I would say them, they are definitely the words. He is doing so well, and he LOVES it. His home therapist works on adding new words every time they work together, and he amazingly remembers them the next time they play. So far, the words we have introduced and he has mastered are:
Cat
Dog
Ball
Apple
Mom
Dad
Albert
Papa
Boy
Girl
Computer
Go
Car
Star
Blue
Train
Kangaroo
Ball
Stop
No
Moon
Snow
Tree
There are more, but my list isn't right here. I think it is so awesome how he is able to do this, it opens so many more avenues to 2 way communication...I can't wait to see what he does next!

Hello World, it's me, Trinity

2010-03-25T17:20:00.000-07:00

My name is Trinity, and I am 6 years old. I like to pretend. I also like to use my shirt as a napkin. Yes, I know...I am a 6 and I use my shirt as a napkin...this drives my mom crazy. I don't deliberately try and drive her crazy, it's just, sometimes I do. She says so. Sometimes many times in a day. I know she loves me though, so, because of this, I let it slide. I want to be a vet when I grow up. Actually, I think that I will do many great and amazing things with my life when I get big. *yes, I realize that I actually don't speak this eloquently, but, my lovely mother is my ghost writer, so, you can thank her for the smooth read*

I would love to travel all around the world, particularly to California. I have family there. I love it there. It's warm, green, and I spend the whole day outside. I love to play and be silly with my cousins. I love being with my cousins. I look up to them. I hope that I can be nice, and loving like them when I get big. Right now, my favorite color is Pink. But, sometimes it changes. Yesterday, I really liked Purple, I wore a Purple shirt to school, but today, it's back to Pink.

I want a small dog. This drives my mom crazy. I know it drives her crazy, because, well...she says so. She thinks I want a small dog because I have big dogs....says something about the grass being greener...NO clue what that means. But, I want a small dog. My favorite food is anything sweet. My mom makes a really good milkshake that I could drink all day. I love milkshakes. I am going to play soccer this Spring and am REALLY excited about it. I am sure my mom will put some pretty rad action shots of me on this thing, you just wait. Well, I guess this is it for now. I have so much more to say, but, have to eat dinner. Talk to you soon.
*Trinity

Interview with a VERY special client

2010-03-22T00:57:00.001-07:00

I love being a photographer is awesome. Everyday I get to meet new people, capture their lives on film, peek into something that maybe I would have never known and hear some pretty wonderful stories. Just before spring break, I had the chance to speak at Trinity's class for Career Week. It was so much fun. I took pictures of all the kiddos in the class, and made them into coloring pages. I sat and talked with them and they got to ask questions. It was so much fun, and to see my Trinity, how proud she was of me, it made my heart sing.

Today, I had the utmost honor to interview someone whom I have admired closely for the past 6 years or so. This person is amazing...I think that everything they do holds copious amounts of merit, and I think that anything they do will be wonderful. I hope you enjoy reading the interview as much as I did taking it.

Me: "Hi there, you ready to take some pictures?"
Them: "Yes I am!"
Me: "Well then, I suppose we should get to it huh?"
Them: "Mom, are we pretending?" *by now you have probably realized, my special person is Trinity.*
Me: "Kinda exaggerating...like, being silly."
Trin: "Oh, I like that...ok."
Me: *while shooting* "So, what do you want to be when you grow up??" *I ask ALL of my little clients this, it's a GREAT ice breaker...unless they say something like "lawyer or bounty hunter..." then, it's cricket city...*
Trin: *she thought about it just a minute or so* "A vet...and a mommy."
Me: "Those are both really great jobs...important ones too."
Trin: "Did you always want to be a photographer mama?"
Me: "I always liked pictures, but no, I didn't think about being a photographer..."
Trin: "Maybe I will change my mind too..but right now, I know I want to be a vet for sure..first a mommy, then a vet."
Me: "Can I see your foot?"
Trin: "Sure" *puts her foot forward*
Me: *sniffing her toes* "PHEW, your feet STINK!!!"
Trin: *laughing* "MAMA!"

Me: "What's your favorite color in the whole world?" *another REALLY good question, because it's one that you can branch off of....and kids love colors*
Trin: "Purple and Pink....and Red....I like all the colors, but mostly Pink."
Me: *smiling* "Awesome, how about your favorite animal?"
Trin: "MOM, you know that....I love dogs. Especially little dogs."
Me: "I think you love little dogs because you have big dogs."
Trin: "I think so too..."
Me: "so, you wanna make some funny faces?" *again...SUPER fun to do with the munchkins...by this time in the shoot, they will have opened up and be really comfy cozy with you...oh, and btw this has turned into a guide to photographing children...just so you know.*
Me:"Ok bugs, I think we are about done."
Trin: "WAIT...I have to take a picture of you!" *if I REALLY trust that the little ones are careful, I usually let them do this at the end of my shoots...and my T knows this....slick little pickle.*
Me: "Ooh, mama is not dressed for photos..."
Trin: *hand on hip* "Mama, you look pretty."
Me: *awe* "Ok, just a couple babe, then we need to be done."
And this, is what she shot....why so serious??? She told me to be.
I love you my sweet, amazing, strong willed, open minded, caring, precious Trinity...may you forever be head strong, and always curious about everything in your world. I am so blessed to have you in my life. You are my favorite daughter.

Man....I missed a bunch of blogs!

2010-02-06T17:09:00.000-08:00

I wanted to make sure that I have been keeping this thing updated, and when I went back...I realized that I didn't post about a BUNCH o' stuff. So, in a crazy whirlwind synopsis...here is your "TV GUIDE" version of the last few months of our lives, and a word you will most likely come to hate by the end of my post...enjoy.

1) My 31st Birthday...I am 31, just so you know. It happened one fine day on the 22nd of November, and here are some pictures of my party. Nothing fancy, just good times with family. Enjoy
2) Trinity's school was visited by Corey from Fox10 News, they did the weather from her school practice field...SO much fun to see the "whirlybird" up close. PICTURES COMING.

3) Went with T to her FIRST school field trip, it had to be the zoo! I love the zoo, no matter how many people try to knock the Wildlife World Zoo, I still think it's the bees knees. Enjoy.
4) Amazing Winter "Home for the Holidays" extravaganza, I had a booth there too! Real snow, Santa, Horse drawn carriage rides, smores and gingerbread making, what more could you ask for? Oh, silly faces...lots of silly faces. Here are some pictures, as always...EnJoY!
5) Decorated the Christmas tree and the outside of the house...Lylah felt the need to get in on the action, I LOVE the shot of her standing on her hind legs by T....
6) Trinity sang at her Kinder Christmas Recital...that was the cutest thing ever. Is it silly that I cried?? Oh man, niagra falls baby...niagra falls. They sang a bevvy of songs, my fav was "Polar Puppy" *imagine in unison, 80+ 5-6 year olds singing off key, all while dancing to a wonderfully simple, yet very involved puppy dance....*LOVED it. But, for the love of Pete, I can't seem to find the disk that has the pictures...No Enjoy :(

7) We sent balloons to Shy on the first birthday after her passing. It was touching to watch them float away. Trinity drew a picture and attached it to them...we miss you Shy.
8) Trinity won the "Great Stare Off", became a tattoo artist, and got some fresh ink herself. eNjOy.
9) Picture of Dakota...just cause I think he is so handsome..

10) Christmas rocked. We spent Christmas Eve at Nana and Papa's house, then Christmas Day was here with Shannon's family. Trinity wrote Santa a nice note, we left out cookies, milk and chocolate and carrots for the reindeer. At night, I jingled bells by her window, and she was so amazed and had difficulty getting to sleep....she thought for sure that they were right outside! The coolest thing, one of the neighbors had a spotlight pointing to the sky, and she looked out her window and said "Mama, Daddy, I see Santa's sleigh!!!!" Very rockin' Christmas indeed. AGAIN...WAITING ON PICTURES!

10) OOooh, we went ice skating...that was fun.
11) I was the photographer at the Verrado Christmas Brunch, Trinity sat "next to" one of what she calls "Santa's Helpers" because we all know the real Santa is much too busy to be bothered with Mall appearances and such. *do you think she is the teensiest bit squished?* e n j o y
12)Tristan decided that he didn't like one of his presents...little guy may not talk, but boy, does he know when he doesn't like something... "what the heck?"
13) We partied out on New Years by taking Trinity to get her ears pierced...she decided she was ready. It was good, she was fine until it was time to really get it done, and she started to psych herself out a bit...but, after she got them done, she was really proud, and she even convinced me to get my ears done too. We are now a part of our own private club called "Light Sapphire Sisters!" (because that is the stone we both got) *jumping up like those old Toyota commercials* PICTURES COMING...

So, right now in the Hydeman household, we are just living each day, we are loving every moment, and trying to laugh our asses off whenever humanly possible.

I never thought I'd do it

2010-02-02T15:05:00.000-08:00

...buy jeans with holes in them. I did it, despite my very hesitation and awareness that I am paying for WEAR in my jeans. BUT, to the jeans defense, they are SO stinkin' comfortable, fit fantastic, and make my butt look F A B U L O U S :) Oh, and did I mention, they were only $5? That kinda makes the holes semi ok

p.s., you're about to get bombarded with posts....

2010-01-24T20:39:00.000-08:00

You've been warned.

Trin and her Papa

2010-01-24T19:29:00.000-08:00

I love this picture....I took it last year sometime...maybe even longer, gosh....it's one of my favorites for sure. I love how he is holding her dangling little body, how she is trusting him to keep her safe. I love it.

A Hiking we will go!

2010-01-24T08:40:00.000-08:00

We decided to get out and enjoy this amazing weather we've been having and took a nice long hike last weekend.... it was so pretty out, the skies were clear, the sun was shining through the clouds, everyone was happy. Lovely, lovely day. Now, I just have to figure out where to put all these rocks the kiddos brought back with us.

Hello.

2010-01-01T14:38:00.001-08:00

Hello Beans, it's me...Jenn. I have to be honest with you, I am a bit frustrated with how you handled our relationship last night. We were getting along so well...I thought that we played nicely enough, and yet..this morning, you hit me with a bomb...A BIG ONE. I don't like that very much, and because of how you treated me, I think we are going to have to stop seeing one another. Take care, and hopefully you will find someone else that is better suited for your taste.

I LOVE THIS! Hey, what did you get?

2009-12-29T10:14:00.000-08:00

Isn't that always the case. The whole idea of the grass is always greener. My kiddos both got TAG reading systems from Santa, and they love them, it's just, they love each others more than their own. Which isn't entirely a bad thing, but, when Tristan is more on the wavelength of colors, letters and numbers, he is reading books about long and short vowels and I am thinking that maybe, JUST maybe, it's a little over his head.

And the stupid just keeps coming...

2009-12-22T18:15:00.000-08:00

Today, I was standing in what seemed to be one of the longest lines that I have ever stood in at Target. It was at least 10 people deep...and to think, I was only getting a gift card! There was this woman behind me, with 2 very unhappy babies, so, naturally, I let her go ahead of me. She was purchasing underpants. This is important to know, because it leads up to the stupid that pours out of my mouth, but wait for that, it's coming. So, she checks out and swipes her card...DENIED. She asks the clerk to run it for her, DENIED. Her total was $11something (yeah...some pricey underoos indeed) but all she has is a $10. Naturally, I cover her difference. Then, this happened.

Girl is leaving, very appreciative, waves to me
GIRL: "Thanks so much, Merry Christmas"
ME: "You are so welcome, enjoy those panties."
GIRL: has this happy/surprised/uncomfortable look on her face...as does my clerk...and the rest of the 8 people standing in my line.

Seriously?? Enjoy those panties?? What the heck was I thinking? Well done, Jenn...you definitely have a way with the words.

I did something stupid

2009-12-21T13:39:00.000-08:00

Today I did something incredibly idiotic. Trinity was attempting to make something out of glass DADS CREAM SODA bottle when the stupid act followed.

ME - "Trinity honey, be careful with that...*touching the bottle* it's glass"
Trinity - "I know mama, I'm being careful."
ME - "Good *pointing to the bottle again...this time, getting too close and knocking it off the table* because we wouldn't want THAT to happen."
Trinity - "Uh, mom.....*confused look on her face*"
ME - *blushing...trying to play it off as something I meant to do* "Just trying to show you how terrible glass could end up if we aren't careful"
Trinity - *Just standing there with this "YEAH RIGHT" look on her face.*

Mass Consumerism, Shopaholics and Crazy Ladies....

2009-12-13T15:08:00.000-08:00

What do they all have in common?? Zhu Zhu Pets. Seriously...these things are driving people to act all kinds of crazy. First of all...let's talk about the hoards of people at the mall...OH MY GAWD....I can't believe the way that people are running around like crazy to get "that last gift"....note to all of you out there, avoid the mall at all costs. Now, back to the blog title. Yesterday, I was standing in line at Toys R Us to return an afterthought, when I subtly mentioned to the cashier "So, what's the big deal with these things [pointing to the zhu zhus]" she says "Oh, what...the Zhu Zhu Pets??" and, apparently, that set off some sort of alarm in the lady behind me, because she commenced to jump out of line, and literally, scoop all the remaining crazy magnets off the table....WOW, I wonder if she knows about the "Limit ONE per customer" rule that they have. It was one of the strangest things I had ever seen. Either she was A) The 30 year old Grandmother to 17 children that all wanted a Zhu Zhu pet (unlikely) or B) Crazy. I'm gonna go with B on this one. You should have seen the look on her face. So, beware of the zhu zhu pets, they may try to take over an otherwise perfectly sane person near you.

A little FYI for you...

2009-12-11T22:37:00.000-08:00

It burns REALLY bad when you get ginger in your eye. Just thought I'd share.

Hey mom...look what I did!

2009-12-07T17:51:00.001-08:00

So...I'm a Liar.

2009-12-07T17:46:00.000-08:00

Here I go telling you that I am going to keep you posted on all the ins and outs of everything us, then I drop the ball...again. Geesh. I guess I should of said I will "TRY" to keep this thing updated. Hey, better a little here and there than nothing at all right?

Let's get crafty!

2009-11-27T12:29:00.000-08:00

T loves her crafts, and with t being sick, this is something REALLY simple to keep her busy and having fun. enjoy FUN PAPER DOLLS

t is sicky poo

2009-11-27T12:26:00.001-08:00

t started vomiting 2 days ago...came out of nowhere, no fever, nada. SOOOO, we come to find out that he had a dairy/milk exposure...definite no no in his tummy that's for sure. He is doing much better today, but, yesterday, not so much. He didn't even eat ANY Thanksgiving, at all. Hoping the next few days it will clear out of his system and he will be back to his boyish, crazy self.

UPDATE...almost all clear, he still isn't wanting much food, but, he hasn't puked since late last night. I am hoping this means that he is on the mend.

The Little White Turkey Lie

2009-11-19T17:48:00.000-08:00

My daughter is such an animal activist...so much so, that she decided that she will no longer be eating anything that "sounds" like it might be an animal product until she investigates it further...*sigh*. She said, "They kill the animals mom...it's not fair." After a night of tears just at the thought of how they "kill" the turkey for Thanksgiving, she banned it all together. Ham is ok, since, it doesn't sound like PIG and is in turn not easily associated with the death of an unsuspecting animal. So, in a shameless attempt to save Thanksgiving, we told her that her Grandpa found the turkey from a farmer, he was an old turkey that lived a really good long life...he died of natural causes, and since it isn't good to waste, he will be our Thanksgiving Turkey. She agreed that "he" could enter our house on a platter, but, that she would still have no part of it....alas, my daughter has become....me.

Working Girl

2009-11-19T17:00:00.000-08:00

It's happening. I have become a working mom. When Shannon was laid off in July, he worked painstakingly at sending resumes, interviews and leads in an attempt to find SOMETHING...anything that would help. I sat and watched as he worried about finances, applied for unemployment, and got rejected for being "overqualified" for jobs he interviewed for. I decided to step up to the proverbial plate and start providing the best way I know how for this family...and for him. I worked on advertising my photography, getting new business cards, networking, offering specials until...tada...it paid off. We have been doing really well with just my photography, and Shannon is now staying home with the kiddos. This is our dream, I get to do something that I LOVE...and he gets to spend time with people he loves. Everything really does happen for a reason.

Where are the people?

2009-11-14T12:50:00.000-08:00

With the explosion of the WWW and email, people stopped writing "real" letters and instead just sent mass emails, I will admit, I am to blame for this too. Next on the agenda, blogs. People starting blogging in leiu of calling family for updates, and now, if it's even possible, applications like facebook, twitter and myspace have even pulled us away from our blogging! I too have been lacking in keeping this stinkin' thing updated, it just seems so much easier to post a "status update" but, alas, I vow to do better. Today is the day I blog a bit more.

Absent Minded Blogger

2009-10-30T10:27:00.000-07:00

I have been MIA for a while here...promise to keep you all updated better really soon...but, quickly, my reason for being so absent minded is this head of mine...boy, is it causing me some real problems. Headaches suck. There is no other statement that better explains it than that. This is how I feel,

hopefully, we will see a rainbow. I will post more fun things soon, for now, have a happy halloween!

I wish I had birthday pictures to post.

2009-10-07T19:53:00.000-07:00

Trinity celebrated her 6th birthday on Saturday! It was so.much.fun. She had 5 friends (girls only this time) and they just did girly stuff. We had the parents drop the kiddos off, and they jumped on the couch, read books in her room, played with her toys, decorated cupcakes, painted their nails, played "pin the crown on Trinity" and more. It was by far, my favorite party yet.

I took SO MANY good pictures, she had the best time. We bought her a cruiser for her birthday, and in themorning, took her out to "debut" it for the first time, I brought with me my trusty beloved camera, my work camera, and captured some amazing shots. We went over to the park, played in the sand and tehterball...during this time, I had set my camera down on the bench...only to forget it later. I didn't remember that I had "forgotten" it until many hours afterwards, and by then, it was gone. More than anything, I just want the memory card back, they can keep the camera, if they need it that bad....just give me back those memories.

So, I wish that I had pictures to post for you, for Trinity, but, I don't...hopefully, in a few days, or weeks...even months, someone will have returned it, and I will be showing you the look on her face when she jumped on the couch, or the smile that she wore when we painted her nails..but for now, we just hold on to the faith that all people are good in nature, and someone will return to us what is ours.

More allergies, and some answers too

2009-10-07T19:28:00.000-07:00

You may recall a few months back when we started testing on Tristan to determine what he is allergic to and to what severity. We also performed a Comprehensive Digestive Stool Analysis Test to help us get a better grasp on what nasty little bugs are causing all of little t's tummy troubles. His tests came back, and boy...there are some interesting answers.

First off, lets talk about his allergies. He is ABSOLUTELY, 100% allergic, very severly I might add, to Wheat, Dairy, and now, EGG! He is sensitive to a bevvy of other foods, to include cranberries, but none as bad as the 3 previously stated culprits. So, starting today, he is GF/CF/EF and then soy in moderation. Can you stay, styrofoam dinner?

On to the more interesting part. They found high levels of yeast, specifically, candida albicans in his stool/gut. There is evidence that this form of yeast, may cause autism and may exacerbate many behavior and health problems in autistic individuals, especially those with late-onset autism. INTERESTING. The microbiology returned that t has high levels of BAD bacteria and NO PRESENT levels of good bacteria. Basically, his tummy has been a breeding ground for bacteria and yeast...no wonder the boy has never had a solid stool in his life.

Tomorrow we start the anti-fungal medication Diflucan. This is a blessing, and a curse. Because, with this med, comes the "die-off period"....a timeframe usually 7-14 days (sometimes longer) where all the yeast dies in his body, and is excreted. Some parents report constant screaming, hyperactivity, anger, sleepless nights...and the light at the end of the tunnel you ask? It's huge...many people state that once their children complete a full cycle of the medication, that they have increased eye contant, increased usage of words/language, decreased negative behaviours such as biting, teeth grinding, stimming etc., some parents report that their kiddos RECOVER. WOW. Though we don't expect a recovery, we welcome any positive change. I will just be happy when his tummy doesn't hurt anymore, when his ear infections go away, and when he can sleep without wakingup screaming in pain.

Here's to a new day, a new chapter and new beginnings! I will keep you posted on our progress.

Crazy Hair Day

2009-09-29T13:27:00.000-07:00

Today, was Crazy Hair Day at Trinity's school...I know, totally crazy :)

She wanted it half purple and half pink...she said that she looked like "A rocker girl"....so, we dressed to fit the part. Tomorrow is PJ Day...can't wait!!!!

Bear Bear

2009-09-21T20:10:00.000-07:00

Tristan has a lovey. His name is Bear Bear. Tristan knows how to say "Bear Bear", and he named him this. Each night before bed, when he goes to say goodnight to everyone, he makes sure to say "Bear Bear?" and climbs into bed to get him. It is the sweetest thing ever....he kisses him, takes him to the potty, hugs and loves him so much. This is a huge thing, because to have a "Bear Bear" means that he is understanding abstract thoughts, he is thinking outside of himself, and he is using his imagination...baby steps....thanks Bear Bear, you are helping us breakthrough, even if little by little.

best.day.EVER.

2009-09-21T09:07:00.000-07:00

You know how Tristan is in absolute LOVE with Yo Gabba Gabba? His ultimate dream came true on Saturday when we took him to the Kids Fair to meet D.J. Lance Rock and Brobee. It was fabulous. I tell you, the most amazing thing to see your child in complete and utter awe of something....he was in heaven. The best part, it was THE D.J. Lance...the REAL one from the show. He rocked...majorly. There was a moment, when they were playing the "Family" song, he comes down from the stage, and Shannon runs Tristan up to the front to get a closer view...Shannon got teary eyed, it was the first time that he had a moment with Tristan, doing something that he REALLY enjoyed..they experienced it together, and it was really heartwarming to watch.

After the concert, which, by the way...was AWESOME, he got to actually meet with and take pictures with D.J. Lance and Brobee. He was so cool, he was soft and gentle with Tristan, trying not to scare him, Trinity told him that he had Autism, and he didn't bat an eye, he gave him a high five, wrapped his arms around him and Shannon, and had a picture together. It was a great family bonding experience, and it set the tone for the entire day.

I was so happy that we could do something just for him that he really loved. Something that tapped into his world, and for a moment, we were let in, to enjoy, to share, and to be a "normal" family....it was the best.day.ever.

Radial Head Subluxation...SAY WHAT????

2009-09-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know...what the? It happened to Trinity yesterday. In lamens, or "dummy" terms, she dislocated her radius bone in her forearm *cringe*. The doctor took x-rays and determined there was no fracture *thank you GOD!* but wasn't sure what it was....then he decided "I think I am going to try one more manipulation", and this is when Trinity responds "What does manipulation mean???" We had to hold her down while the doctor proceeds to pop her bone back into line *double cringe*....you should have seen her eyes. Imagine when you are watching one of those action packed shows where the leading star dislocates his shoulder, then someone has to force it back into the socket, theres a really loud POP, TONS of pain and screaming, and then, as if nothing happened, all is good.

So, I suppose you are wondering how this all happened? I beat her. RIGHT...like that would happen. She was standing on the cart at Walmart, back where the handle is, and had her arm lodged in between the handle and the area where the child sits. She saw a toy and jumped down, but failed to move her left arm out of the lodged position, and it hyperextended thus popping the bone out of place *YUM!*. I am happy to report, that she is doing lovely.

Take this as a lesson, no lodging of extremeties in carts, it's just not worth the pain!

I love Kindergarten

2009-09-05T17:11:00.000-07:00

It seriously rocks. Trinity is excelling in and LOVING school. She is reading her sight words with no problem, and is according to her teacher, "amazing". I love seeing how proud she is after a days work. She brings her folder home, goes over all her assignments with us, and gets started on any new homework she has. She finishes everything before beginning to play. We read 2-4 books with her everynight, and it is paying off big time.

Shannon and I are Parent Classroom Volunteers on Tuesdays, and it is so much fun. Not only do we get to see our Trinity, but we get to see how they are learning first hand. This week we did preliminary tests on the kiddos, and holy cow, they are smart. Counting to 100+, graphs, AAB patterns, number recognition, prepositions, and more. I am so happy that we are here, this school district is amazing, and Trin's teacher is a dream come true. Keep up all the good work kiddo, we are so proud of you!

Pee Pee on the Potty!!! YAY :)

2009-09-02T09:19:00.000-07:00

We have been working with Tristan to go on his little potty before bath time for about a month now...he has been going about 50% of the time which is awesome. But, I have some fun and exciting new news to report! He has woke up dry for a solid week now, and immediately goes pee when we place him on the potty. He is also going after nap and before bath!!!! I am so happy for him that he is grasping this concept. Once we get his gut healed we can begin the process of working on #2.
He does his best reading there....
And thinking....

Even sneeks in a little time for kisses with Bear Bear.

Yay Tristan, we are SOOO proud of you buddy!

If you like Bloody Mary's...

2009-08-25T15:31:00.000-07:00

...you will LOVE this new mix that I found. I usually just make my own mix, I like it really thick and horseradishy...so, on the hunt, and many misses, I have declared Whiskey Willy's to be my ALL TIME favorite. It is made with all fresh ingredients, has just the right amount of horseradish/spice and kick to it...I actually made a ceviche with it too! So, if you are in the mood for a slighty chunky, super flavor packed and spicy Bloody Mary, you HAVE to try this mix.

It just hit me....

2009-08-23T12:51:00.000-07:00

....Tristan is 3. He is THREE.....and though I have always had dreams of having more children...I feel like...well, I feel like I can't really go anywhere with that until we help him with his diagnosis. Sometimes I feel like I am being selfish in feeling this way, like...I am not wanting to take on another challenge, when a life is such an amazing thing to welcome into your world. I want more kids...I do, but, I worry that, this is going to sound horrible..but, I worry that the next one may have Autism too...and I really am not sure how well I could handle that. Don't get me wrong, I love my Tristan and all of his attributes, and very honestly, I would not change how everything has happened in regards to his situation...I want to help him work through his challenges, and to lead a life that makes him happy...but, I don't want to change him...does that make any sense? I guess I battle with the idea that Autism sucks, but, he is who he is because of it. He is this amazing, sweet, mild mannered, even tempered, sensitive, caring and bright child....would he be different if he were "normal"? I don't know. But, I know that I would miss the person he is now if things were different. I am all over the place here. It just hit me today...I cannot believe that he is 3. I remember when T was this age, and they are SOOOO different. It's just a bittersweet thing I suppose, especially when sometimes it seems like time is against us. There is this window of opportunity to get in there and help him break out...and I am racing, let me tell you...and, I have to be thankful that we are making good time, just need to stay in the race.

Meet Rusty...and yes, we are insane

2009-08-13T10:57:00.000-07:00

Trinity has been saving her allowance money for a new bike...then, she had a revelation....A FERRET. First let me start off my saying, yes, we are aware that we already have a bunny, a kitty, 2 bearded dragons, 2 fish and 2 dogs....*breathe* but, even with all of those animals, our 5 year old takes AMAZING care of them. She shows responsibility, kindness and empathy. She cleans their cages, checks their water daily, feeds them all and still has time to play with each of them...ok, not the fish...but, you know they don't like being held. So, when my mom gave her $10 to spend on school stuff, she very politely asked if she could instead put that money towards her allowance savings and pick up a ferret instead. We crazily agreed.

Fast forward to Saturday, we went to Petco to pick up some stuff, and here in the midst of all the "regulars" was a tiny baby ferret. Trinity was immediately drawn to him, and I have to say, I can't blame her. He is sweet. His demeanor is that of a baby, he cries to be held, he kisses her non stop and he sleeps in her arms. This little stinker is pretty darn cute. We fronted her $40 (since she had saved $60 on her own) and she agreed to pay us back with chores or when she recieves birthday money.

So, meet Rusty, our 6 week old boy ferret, he has a musky smell, but gives the GREATEST kisses EVER.

i am

2009-08-09T21:04:00.001-07:00

thankful for wonderful teachers
happy for my awesome family
sick for 3 days now
quite possibly addicted to npr
in love with turqoise and orange
in a vintagey type mood
really stoked on photography
working on an awesome mag project
missing my best friend
remembering when T was a baby
excited for a date with my shannon
struggling with finances
pleasantly optimistic considering
dreaming of cooler weather
loving my house
excited about life
playing hide and seek with t
eating ice cream...IN MY DREAMS
wishing on stars and hoping for miracles
content

Fake Shop Friday, back to school!

2009-08-06T07:26:00.000-07:00

I LOVE kid stuff....all of it, any of it...ok, not BRATZ, but, that's just me. I am a vintage kind of girl, and luckily, my kids are too. When I went fake shopping this week, I found some really fun back to school inspired stuff. So check out what I put in my cart....oh I wish I could hit BUY.