5 going on infinity

You have heard me talk about how insightful and wise Trinity is? She is, so much wiser beyond her years. When I was pregnant with her, I had a reading done. When I walked into the room the intuitive started to say how "SHE" (this is before we knew we were having a girl) how she was going to change the world, one person at a time. She went on to say that she was an extremely old soul, and that she was one of the brightest energies she has experienced. That she would leave a positive impact on all those that she met. I believe it, whole heartedly, that she is all of these things. We started to see it very early on.

When she was only 4 days old, we went to the store close to our house, everyone kept stopping to see her, EVERYONE...it was kinda weird at first, but then we saw the joy that she brought in everyone and we welcomed it. She has always had an interest in people. She has NEVER been shy or afraid. Through out toddlerhood, she would always bring smiles to peoples faces, she would talk to people like an adult talks to another adult and we were constantly being told how she is so comfortable and enjoyable to be around. She is really artsy and senstive, and we just love her personality. Don't get me wrong, she is HIGH energy, but, I think a lot of that stems from how bright of a light she is.

Now, into childhood, she has developed a way to read people, good and bad. She notices and discusses injustices, she tells me about the people that she thinks are not "happy" and though she attempts to make them feel "happy" again, she knows when to move on. Last night, Shannon and I were discussing the proposition regarding same sex marriages...Let me start by saying, I know a lot of people have different stances on this, we believe that love is love....and no government has the right to define that. Trinity chimes right in and says something that amazed us both. "I feel really sad for the people that can't get married. They love each other, the State (YES, she said THE STATE) has no right to take that away from them....who has the right to say who we can love and be married to???" WOWZA. It was deeper than we could have imagined.

Autism. I swear, she knows more about this than me. She understands it, knows her brother is not retarted, not slow, or even disabled. She pushes him to try his hardest, she is his best therapist, let me tell you what. She is proud when he accomplishes a task that he has been working so hard at. She stands up for him when others are mean. She is not embarassed by or even put off by his challenges, rather, laughs it off by saying in a cute voice "TRISTAN!!!! You silly bubbub."

We continue to watch her change and grow into a completely amazing person. From the time she said DADA to Shannon at 3 months, to these very deep conversations that we find ourselves having, we are excited to see what she will come up with next. She is definitely wiser than most adults I know, ok, and cuter too!

Oh,, I just love her....

I just get this "I wanna eat you up" feeling everytime I see this face.

I just love her. SO much. Thank you to everyone who has been praying for us, for her....she is feeling SOOOO much better and is back to her old sassy self. The Lord really does challenge us in ways that we may not understand, but the end result really brings us clarity. I am thankful to have such great friends and family and such a strong support system.

T is amazing. She is smart, witty, compassionate and wiser than she will ever know. She talks SOOO much, but I love it. Whenever I find myself getting the least bit annoyed by her endless jargon, I think about my Tristan, and how he is wordless....I remember to be thankful for her voice. We are so very thankful to have her in our lives, and will forever be greatful to be her parents.

Having some fun in the sand!

Shannon and I have been working FURIOUSLY on the backyard. We have put in a border, rocks, seed and even a SANDBOX!!! T and t are so happy to have an outdoor space to play that doesn't involve dust and dog poop...I don't blame them, do you? Albert came over to help out and they dumped load after load in the pit, and even some on T! Tristan took it as an opportunity to play "King of the Mountain".

T's Observations

I love children's observations, how that little brain works. Trinity's brain FASCINATES me! She recently lost a peice of paper, and her remote...she comes in and says

T: "HEY, that's weird..."(very concerned look on her face)

ME: "What's so weird baby?"

T: "First, I can't find the silly pamote (AKA REMOTE), now, my peice of paper is missing....weirder and weirder"

ME: (with a smile) "What do you think happened to them???"

T: "If I had to take a guess what it is, it would be, like a ghost sneeking in our house, grabbing our remote and paper and hiding it....HEY, maybe they took your keys too?? You know, how you are always losing those!"

So, keep your eyes open for ghosts coming in and hiding your things...Hey, maybe that's where that missing $200 from our account went??

Prayers, Prayers everywhere....send us some if you have to spare!

WOWZA...we have been hit by a lot lately, but, nothing that we can't handle right? It doesn't always feel that way, we are trying to stay positive and appreciate everything that all of our friends and family have done to help. I need to call upon you all again for a special prayer...2 actually. The first...if you could pray for Trinity. She is going through a tough time right now, and she needs all the positive and loving energy you can send her way. Please pray that she can find calm and peace. The next is for Tristan. He has surgery for his ears on Wednesday. He has been being seen by an amazing ENT and we basically found out that he has had blockage for God only knows how long. Coupled with the fluid in his ears, he has been virtually unable to hear us at times...which explains the language delay. This Wednesday..yes, 2 days from now...he has his surgery, they will remove the fluid and blockage and put in tubes. Please pray that he does well before, during and after surgery. I will post more later. Thanks for your prayers.

Heaven's Very Special Child

This poem gets me through some of the ROUGHEST times...I hope you all enjoy it as much as we do!

"A meeting was held quite far from earth

It's time again for another birth,

said the angels to the Lord above.

This special child will need much love.

His progress may seem very slow,

accomplishments, he may not show

and he'll require extra care

from the folks he meets down there.

He may not run or laugh or play

his thoughts may seem quite far away,

In many ways he won't adaptand

he'll be known as handicapped.

So let's be careful where he's sent,

we want his life to be content.

Please Lord, find the parents who,

will do a special job for you.

They will not realize right away

the leading role they're asked to play

but with this child sent from above

comes stronger faith and richer love.

And soon they'll know the priveledge

given in caring for this gift from Heaven.

Their precious charge, so meek, so mild

is Heaven's very special child."

Edna Massimilla

OUTRAGE

Dennis Leary has NEVER been a favorite person of mine...but now, he is definitely on my S*IT list. Read Here and let me know what you think.

Halloween is going to STINK this year!

Happy Birthday Trinity!!

Trinity turned 5 years old today. What a GREAT celebration. We threw a Superhero themed birthday party and were the "Super" family...I was Lois Lane at a party LOL. We encouraged guests to come dressed as their favorite crime fighters and we were SO pleased that many of them did. I love birthdays. The gathering of family and friends to celebrate a life well lived.

Trinity, you are SOOO amazing to me. I appreciate our time together. I adore you and am so proud of the little girl you have become. You were so thankful for all of your guests and the gifts that they brought. I love that you kept saying "OH, it's just what I wanted...." or even better "I have wanted this my WHOLE life, THANK YOU!!" it was really fun to watch you open the presents. You looked SO cute in your supergirl costume.

The kids played games and earned prizes, it was really fun to see them enjoying themselves. After most everyone left except for our closest friends, we were excited to find a beautiful rainbow had filled the sky above our house. I like to think that it was my Grandmother wishing miss T a happy day. It was really amazing to see.

Trinity spent the end of her night playing with her 3 best friends, Tatum, Jillian and Tristan. They were racing down the slides...Tristan thought they were hilarious. Then he took his turn.

Jillian stayed a bit and they took a bath, it's times like this that I wish I lived closer to friends and family :( It was nice to see all of you, thank you SOOO much for sharing our special day, Trinity and ALL of us had a wonderful time.

Random Thoughts in this crazy mind of mine....

So, I sit here at the computer...it's 12:30ish AM and I am exhausted and can't sleep. My insomnia is back, YIPPIE *note the sarcasm*....I am thinking again...oh no...when I get in my head, it is SOOO terribly hard to pull myself out. I am fearful. I am worrisome. I am scared. My biggest, or at least one of my MANY biggest fears is that t is taken advantage of because of his inability to communicate. It has been KILLING me thinking about it. I actually think I may try and get some help. I am feeling really depressed lately, and I just want to feel normal again, whatever that is. I never thought I would become "that mom" but sometimes, I feel it urking up on me. I find myself consumed with the conversations of autism. I stay up late...googling all that I can to learn more and try and be the best advocate for my son that I can be. In the midst of all of this, I feel sometimes...and I can't believe I am going to share this with you....I feel that I may be neglecting my other 2 very important people in my life..Shannon and Trinity. I just want so much to be whole...does that make any sense? I know SO many parents have it SO much harder...I don't deserve to be feeling sorry for myself.

In the midst of this cloud I have to share some wonderful news. We were approved for Long Term Care!!! This is H U G E. It means there are so many more therapies and resources at our fingertips. It means that little t does not have to give up his therapies when he starts preschool...it means if I decide to homeschool him, he can still have ST / OT / PT and more! It means Respite. The true definition of respite is this : A BRIEF INTERVAL OF REST OR RELIEF. We are approved for 720 hours of respite by a provider that we get to interview. They will come to the house, on trips if we need help, to doctor's appointments where I would have needed Shannon to take off...it is huge. On those days when I can't even go to the bathroom without worrying if t is getting up on the table to hang on the light....I don't have to worry. Trinity gets to be a normal kid and do things with mommy again. She gets to just finish her coloring instead of "HURRY...go check on your brother!!! PLEASE!!!" She gets to be a kid, not her brother's keeper. I would pay a million dollars for that. We are all feeling so optimistic about this, that hopefully...my hole with start to be a bit closer to the surface. That hopefully, I can move on, move past and look forward at a rate that I am used to. I am hopeful. Please pray for us, pray that everything will happen as it should. Pray that we can find some solice and "normalcy" in our sometimes overwhelmingly crazy lives. Pray that I can find serenity. Thank you for reading...thank you for being here with me on this roller coaster of a ride that I lovingly call my journey. I love you all and appreciate your support.

Update on Little t

Little t had his appointment with the ENT today. Backtrack to about 4 weeks ago. He had all but stopped talking in his therapy sessions and we were noticing him being painfully quiet at home too. His therapists spoke with me about it each week, prodding and asking what I thought may be the change. We all put our heads together and came up with a common denominator..his ears. He had just recently been hitting at his Left ear and turning the tv up louder than usual, he was not responding to things that he normally did and was not talking, at all. So, today. We get him into the ENT, this man was FABULOUS. They checked both ears, and sure enough, the Left ear, the one that he has seemed aggitated with, was full of fluid. The Right ear was full of wax. The Doctor wants us to give it 3 weeks, normally, with typical children they will do a trial up to 8 weeks to see if the fluid dissapears, but, with his diagnosis, we don't want to delay him anymore. He asked to see us back in October. IF there is still fluid, we will put tubes in his ears. IF they died out, they will go forward with the hearing test. He couldn't perform the test since it would have to be a special test, and with the fluid on his ear, he would fail. He was also not surprised that he has been quiet, "try putting your head under water sometime and have your daughter talk to you...see how much you hear." It would explain a lot. We have taken him in to his Primary for ear issues and they never seem worried, never really looked in there, just peeked and said how they didn't look red. I am starting to think that this may have been going on for sometime. I will keep you all updated, for now, we are just doing the drops, ear wax removal drops and peroxide to dry it out...wish us luck!!!

It's all I've got....

I know, I am lame, a photographer and all the pictures of I have of my new "do" are those from my mom's phone or ones that I can't seem to retrieve from my phone...argh! But, here is one that my mom took of me after T's soccer game last Saturday.

ID on ME

With little t being non verbal, his allergies, and his tendancy to roam...we ordered a Medical ID bracelet. I didn't want the typical silver and red deals that you see so often on most people, typically elderly or alzheimers patients...I had to find something that A) He would be able to wear B) Something that was not too heavy...he has issues with stuff on his wrists C) That was ULTRA cool...cause that's how he rolls LOL. So, I stumbled upon these...ID on ME bracelets. I ordered one for lil t and one for T...they are really amazing even if you have no medical issues. It is a peace of mind for your child to wear...imagine if you are seperated and they are freaking out...how the heck will she remember our cell phone in that instant?? Or our address?? This ID bracelet has a hidden compartment that is air tight. Inside the compartment you have a strip of paper that you fill out all pertinenet information. You have to get one, keep your little ones safe in this crazy world!

The do....

Everyone is asking about the pictures, I am working on uploading them as we speak! My mom took a few good ones on her phone, so, as soon as I get those, you will see it! It was such a wonderful feeling to cut the hair off knowing that a little girl would be getting a new wig to sport around. I have always wanted to donate my hair, but have just been so attached to it..finally, I just did it. I am a brunette now too...apparently my roots are really dark, and they look especially so without all the blonde ends! So, be prepared for a change...I do look different, that's for sure!

Guess What I Did??

I will post more later, I'll just let you chew on that for now!