Trinity, THIS is why you need to put your dress up make up away.....

Tonsils...I hate you

Back in June, Trinity had 2 serious strep infections..she had to miss a good friends party because of the second, and had to be taken to the ER because she passed out from the fever that accompanied it... This is not a new thing, we have been struggling with Strep Throats for about 3 1/2 years now. She has had sleep apnea since she was born, but, it's just something that we have learned to deal with. It was the primary reason she slept with us in the beginning...she would stop breathing entirely then gasp for air. Apparently her adenoids are super enlarged too, which can attribute to her tell tale voice. We were reccomended to her ENT and he still sees the white spots on her inflammed tonsils. Result...remove the tonsils and adenoids. There is a 2 week recovery period, and school starts in 3 weeks! So much for a fancy free summer for Miss T. We will get the appointment date in the next couple days. I will keep you all posted.

Happy 3rd Birthday little man

3 years ago today you were born. It was such a wonderful delivery, at the hands of my amazing midwife, and myself, we pulled you into this world at a whopping 9 lbs 15 oz. You were beautiful. I remember the feeling of such exhileration and pride....I had a hand at making you, and I loved you from the moment I saw you.

Over the past 3 years, we have been through so much together, good, bad and otherwise you have been a trooper. I am proud of your strength, and I cherish your innocence. I love the way you look at us, and the way that you strive to learn more and more everyday...you are one the hardest workers I know. I wonder what you are thinking in that amazing mind of yours. Right now you are not speaking verbally, but you have taught us to know what you need. You are so smart, and I can't wait for the moment you say something to us...I will keep waiting.

You are able to identify all your ABC's and numbers up to 10. You LOVE shapes and recognize the basics plus trapezoid, hexagon, rombus and pentagon. You are addicted to music, a passion that we most definitely share. You are a whiz at colors and sorting and are a big obsessive to say the least, but hey...everyone has their vice. You know red, pink, purple, yellow, green, blue, black, gray, white and brown. You surprised me by knowing that you are a boy and sissy is a girl...a concept that took her a while to know LOL.

Thank you so much for trusting us, loving us, and being such a good little boy. I hope you have the best birthday ever...WE LOVE YOU TRISTAN!

Completely impressed with her....

I can't explain the level of respect that I have for Trinity and her ability to communicate with Tristan. She is amazing. Today for instance, I hear her saying "Come here Tristan, lets play tops" (Tops are his FAVORITE toys of all time...anything that spins is a given, but, when you add swirling colors and music, well...that's just magic.) She has him sit in front of her and she starts playing.
"Tristan, do you want colors or music? [referring to the type of top she can spin for him] "Colors or Music buddy, touch.." He touches the colored top and she says "Colors?? Good choice, lets play". I love that although he is unable to verbally communicate his needs, he can show us in many other ways. I also love that she is able to read his cues and help him out. I could never imagine being 5 and having to morph in all the ways that she has had to over the past 2 1/2 years, I am so completely impressed with her...beyond belief.

Tristan's YouTube Addiction

He loves everything retro...vintage...musical and these are some of his all time FAVORITE youtubes, share with your little ones! *you'll have to pause my music at the bottom of the page first*











http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7-Mh81b6aM&feature=related

Shyanne Sterling 01/02/97 - 07/06/09

Shyanne, our oldest, beloved dog lost her fight with cancer on Monday ....she is so missed already. It's so amazing to me how we can give so much of ourselves to these animals, and they to us...and yet, we are only given such a short time to enjoy that offering. I am so sad that she died...I am happy that she is no longer in pain, that she won't have to suffer, but I wish that she would have lived a life free from any pain. She went through so much in her 12 1/2 years with us.

I remember when we adopted her...she was so pretty and small. She was the last of the girls in the remaining 3 puppies from a litter of 10. Shannon's parents adopted her 2 brothers and that just left her, all alone...I couldn't bear it. We were helping her breeders fix their truck, and I noticed that she followed me out there. She sat on my lap and looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes, she fell asleep on my lap while I sat and watched them fix their '76 Cheyenne Truck....that's part of where her name came from, we spelled it Shyanne, she was so shy in demeanor.

We took her with us to college, she was a HORRIBLE puppy..just awful. She used to chew through anything and everthing in her sight. She jumped, she barked, she dug, she chased the cat, she tried to break through the windows to get out and be with us...she was bonifide nuts. But, we loved her, and she was ours as we were hers...through the good and the bad, we weathered every storm together. She was with us when we lost jobs, lost loved ones, got engaged, got married, bought our first house, had our miscarriages, had our babies, moved, everything...she was there from the beginning, and I had hoped she would stay with us longer towards the end. I miss her terribly, I cry just about every day, and I wish that she was still here.

I will share and interesting story though. My healer friend told me that spirits often show themselves in the form of a butterfly. That butterflies signify transmutation or change, from this life to the next, and when you see a butterfly, it is a blessing. 4 days after Cammie died (Shy's daughter passed 1 year ago in June) we saw a pretty little yellow butterfly..it stuck around a few days, then we never saw it again. Just yesterday, Trin and I were gardening and talking about Shy and how we missed her so much...then, out of thin air, the same yellow butterfly flutters by, and trailing her, is the most beautiful, big red/orange butterfly...it dodged, and darted, flew around Trins face, through my arms, in through my hands, sat on our flowers, was lingering for about 5 minutes then followed the yellow butterfly up and over our house. I believe it was Shy, I feel it with my whole being. It was good closure for me...for the moment anyway.

The day we took her in, I knew and she knew it was time. The days prior, her breathing had gotten really bad, she was on antibiotics, was coughing and hacking, wasn't eating...it was really not good. She started staying in our room, not following me as she normally did. Sunday night was especially hard, she woke up at 2 AM and couldn't breathe. Shannon and I took turns sleeping on the floor beside her. I told her, "Girl, you have to let me know when it's time...I don't know...I need your help ok?? You let me know when you're ready." The next day, she followed me everywhere...as if to say "I'm ready mama." I told her we were going to make it better for her. We painted her nails, gave her a dry bath, put on her nicest bandana and took pictures with her and her loved ones. Dakota is taking it especially hard. This was is mate, they had Cammie when he was 10 months old. I am happy that he got to say goodbye though. With Cammie, we had no idea...I took her in and then she didn't come back. I told Dakota when Shy was in the truck that she might not come back, but it was going to be ok. It was really hard to do that, but I wanted him to know....I am sure he already knew though.

We pick up her ashes tomorrow, I want to have them, but I am also afraid, because I remember how I felt with we were given Cammies...it's such a bittersweet thing. I miss you Shy, so much. You were such a great dog...you were loyal, loving and patient. You sat by Trinity's co-sleeper and watched her like the guardian angel that we know you are. You followed me everywhere, and gave the best kisses. You had the most amazing personality and no dog could or would ever replace you. Be good up there girl, we will see you again one day.

Shy is sick...

We took her to the vet last week for what we thought was kennel cough...hacking and a lack of appetite. After extensive bloodwork, they prescribed a heavy antibiotic for her and said that should work. It's been about a week and a half and she is not doing any better...I think she is doing worse. We are going to take her in today to get x-rays and see if we can get to the bottom of what is causing this. I feel so sad...she is our baby. Shannon and I welcomed her into our lives in 1997...so, if anything happens to her, I will be crushed...we all will. Please keep her in your thoughts today as we take her in to get her some help. I will keep you posted.

Not aimed at anyone person in particular....

It's been about a week since I had a falling out with some friends of mine. I have had some time to think about the entire situation, and I don't think that faced with the situation again, that I would have acted any differently. I don't know that I would have addressed it the same day...maybe would have waited a few to let it settle, I actually had more to say that I didn't...but, I am human, and I don't think that I did anything wrong, especially given the situation. That in of itself is a totally different thing though, and honestly, I am over it.

What has stuck though, is a response that I received regarding my kids, in particular Trinity and my parenting. Now, we all know that I am very family focused...that I spend just about all of my time with my family, that I put my kids first in every aspect, and because of this, I don't always have time for friends. In my opinion, I don't think this is a fault, especially considering all the time that is spent focusing on Tristan and his therapies. I have to make sure that time is focused and spent on Trinity outside of Tristan's time....she HAS to feel special and important too.

I think that what struck me the most was the onslaught of how my daughter has been mean, how she is bossy *we all know that...hello, she is 5 going on 25* and how my parenting of my children is SOO different, almost as though it is bad. I am very proud and confident of my and Shannon's parenting choice. We DO discipline our children and we do so in a way that they are not meant to feel ridiculed or embarrassed. My kids don't do things that warrant any amount of spanking, and I feel that most people over use that form of discipline anyway. I feel like I have had to defend most of our choices in parenting, and you know what? In friendship, I shouldn't have to do that. What is wrong with parenting differently? Honestly, if we all did it the same, we would live in a communist parenting compound spitting out little robots...no thanks.

I am not sad about what has happened, I think that everyone is entitled to an opinion, I just think that it is sad that if someone has an issue, that they harbor those feelings instead of confronting someone. There is a scripture in the Bible that talks about not keeping accounts. I feel like, I am very approachable...non judgemental and understanding. Everyone gabs in their lifetime, I have done a bit I will admit, but so has everyone else that I have associated with...we are women, it's what we do. I will say, I haven't done that in a while. This life is too short....So, if you have no idea what this is about, no worries...this is the last time I will have a blog post like this. If you do know what this is about, I hope you read it and understand that it is not an attack, not a way to hurt or to embarrass, it's just my way of addressing it in my own public forum anonymously..so, gab away over it...I am sure you will. In the meantime, I will go and spend some time with my fam...enjoy your 4th!

This purple gum DOES NOT taste good...

We went to the lovely dollar store today, Trinity HAD to have the box of Canel's AKA Chickles, so....I broke the bank and shelled out eh .99.99cents to get her some...on that subject, what the heck is up with raising the price of the .99c ONLY store??? ridiculous...anyway, I digress. I bought the gum. Fastforward to 10 minutes ago. She comes walking in the room with a disgusted look on her face and a spit on chewed up wad of purple gum in her hand exclaiming...

T - "The purple *gasp* does NOT taste good *spit*"
Me - "What does it taste like??"
T - *pushing it my way* "Taste it for yourself"

-STOP- if history teaches us ANYTHING it is to NEVER, ever eat anything else that someone says tastes or smells awful right??? But why oh why do we feel so compelled to do it anyway??? -START-
Me - *weary look on my face*
T - * a little more pushy now* "Come on, taste it...." (can you feel the pressure??)
Me - *putting it in my mouth*...
T - *waiting to see my expression* "DETERGENT" (and she walks away)

So, I am left here, with a spit on, chewed up, detergent tasting peice of purple gum in my mouth all because of my silly curiousity for how awful something tasted....and yes, it's still in my mouth.

What's your definition of romance?

I should start off my adding a mini disclaimer. This email will contain somewhat intimate details of my life, if you are in anyway uncomfortable with reading about that...I would not suggest continuing.

It's funny how our thoughts and preconcieved notions of romance change over the years. There was a time that I thought romance involved the purchase of some "symbol" of love, be it flowers, a small trinket of affection, a date to a new place....I used to believe that romance involved sweeping me off of my feet.

Recently, romance showed it's face in a completely amazing way. I never imagined that a bath could be so romantic...and I am sure you already have ideas of what it entailed, but, prepare to be surprised.

Shannon and I were laying on the bed aside our 2 extremely exhausted children. It seemed so quiet...I was thinking about our very long day....the doctor says "I can't tell you that it is in fact not cancer..." What the hell does that mean? Basically, I have a mass. It started out as a pea sized lump, and over the past 2 years or so, it has grown substantially. It's hard...really hard. The mammogram and ultrasound showed positive for some sort of mass, and they need to do additional testing. The MRI that he wants to do will be impossible until I am no longer lactating. Soooo, we are doing a few other tests first, then, I will need to take meds to dry up my milk.

Back to the romance, because this other stuff is all but that. We lay there quietly and I tell Shannon that I want to take a bath. He draws me a bath, and we get in. I felt so safe and comfortable, and the thing is, there was no expectation of sex. I know that sounds weird, because, don't get me wrong, I love being intimate with my husband, but today, it was just different. We lay there naked, and he is pouring water on my chest, taking his hands and gently rubbing my face and forehead with warm water. It just keeps saying that he loves me....it's all going to be ok, no matter what IT is, it will be ok. It was so relaxing and for a moment, the horrible days of not knowing at the doctor's office just dissapeared. I think it was just as therapeutic for him as it was for me. This was the most romantic day I have had. It didn't have to involve the purchase of a present, and expensive meal, or some other material sign of affection. It only involved 2 people, very much in love taking care of each other.

On the road again....

We are living between two houses, it is going to take some time to get adjusted to, so hopefully, we will be completely out of the old house in a week or so. The purpose of this post is to let you all know that we have not dissapeared. We are here...just on the road again! So, if you need to get a hold of us, please call on our cell phones, we are not anywhere near our land line. Hopefully I can update soon!

My "not my first choice" Earth Day Post

I have this fun little Earth Day post that I prepared yesterday, and have pictures to accompany it, but alas, since having our computer crash just a few short weeks ago, it seems I am unable to upload photos! So, for now, HAPPY EARTH DAY, be sure to pick up any trash you see out there...and, reduce your waste! Also, GDiapers is offering $3 off of their starter packs online! Check here if you are interested.

Don't forget about the sad people mama...

Today Trinity and I were doing some free drawings. She and I both traced one anothers feet and hands and were doodling inside of them. I drew a bunch of stick figures in one of my drawings and they were all smiling. She says

T - "Mama, why are all your people smiling?"
Me - "Because they are happy people."
T - "What about the sad people mama?"
Me - "I don't want sad people in my drawings baby"
T - "Why?"
Me - "Because it's a happy drawing, I want happy people in there."
T - "But mom, you can't forget about the sad people. They need to be remembered too...so, we can find a way to make them happy...you know?"
Me - "Youre right baby...I will draw a sad person right here *drawing one little sad person surrounded by happy people* and they are all making him happy...is that better?"
T- "Yep."

She is incredibly insightful, very deep and often, it makes it hard for her to relate to her peers. Some times, I worry about her, but then...I remember how loving, caring and open she is and accepting. She is so amazing, and I just love her.

Because it's REALLY IMPORTANT to say I love you....

Today a friend of mine lost her father. He passed away out of the blue. So, I just wanted to ask you all to call your loved ones, call your family, call someone that you haven't talked to in a while, because, it's that easy to lose someone. It's so easy to take people for granted, especially in this hustle and bustle hurried up world that we live in. We all to often pay closer attention to the frivilous disposable things that really don't mean anything at all. We tend to push aside relationships over silly things, or do the whole "I'll talk with him about it later...." LATER, that may never come. Do everything you wish to do NOW. Say everything you want to say TODAY and don't ever regret anything. Live your life the way you know you are supposed to, the way that you really really want to...just remember it is REALLY important to say I love you.

Wanna hear and see something b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l.?

Look here *thanks to Melissa from All Buttoned Up.....luckily, we have the same taste in music!