Trinity and Tristan go to a little playgroup at the gym called "Kids Club". It's usually a good mix of kids, varying in ages and abilities. Backtracking a bit, Tristan had a food compromise (which means he ate something that he is allergic to, thus affecting him nuerologically/sensory and it just makes him act "wonky" as sister says). At any rate, he still went to play, and we asked that Trinity just help him a bit more than usual. I broke down at dinner last night...I found out some things that made me so sad...so much so that it stuck with me through-out last night, and into today, it will most likely stick with me forever.
Tristan was trying to play with some children, and Trinity said they were forming a circle around their toys and with arms spread out in front of them, saying things to Tristan like "NO, you can't play with us...you have germs!" when I asked T why they were saying that, she said it's because he sticks toys in his mouth. She said that they hide their food because he tries to eat it...and they call him names. What the hell? Where are the attendants? When did this become OK behavior? I didn't think that ganging up on a special needs child was something considered acceptable playground behavior. She said they continued to do things like this the whole time they were there. They used chairs as a barrier to keep him out, locking themselves under the table...that they were afraid of him. WHAT? My boy? I don't understand where this is coming from, and I am so saddened to think that these children have such a skewed reality of what and who Tristan really is. Trinity defended him, and said "He's a nice boy...he just is different." Why did she have to do this? Why didn't any adult step in?
This, my friends...this is my nightmare. I am fearful for my boy, for the judgement, the ridicule, the lasting affect that these words and actions can and will have on him. Shortly after the "attack" Tristan proceeded to destroy the room. I am sure he was lashing out of sadness, frustration...I can't say that I blame him. How else is a child that cannot talk supposed to have his words heard? He knocked down an entire bookshelf of toys. He even managed to escape from the room, and get all the way up two flights of stairs to run to the sanctuary of his dad. HOW DID HE GET OUT OF THE ROOM??? WHERE WERE THE ATTENDANTS? I am so fearful that this will be an ongoing problem...that children will continue to be mean, that adults will continue to get frustrated, that Tristan will continue to be ignored.
2 comments:
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Oh Jenn.
Ok, beside the fact that all of those little kids needed a big time out to think about how hurtful they were being to Tristan, how the hell did he get out of the room?! Did Shannon speak to the "attendants"? That is completely unacceptable!
As for the kids... I think naturally children are curious and a little fearful of things that are out of the norm. BUT, it is up to their parents to help coach them through things they experience. Of course, in this case the attendants should have been there to stand in and provide the guidance since the parents were there. But if they lost track of an entire child, chances are they aren't going to be the ones to provide that education.
Anyway, it seems as though those kids' parents haven't sat down with them to explain that we are not all created like robots. We are not all the same. Does that make sense at all? It's ok to recognize that one child is not exactly like the rest, but it is NOT ok to exclude that child, or ridicule them. Perhaps one of those kids was the instigator and the others kind of fell into place after him/her? Kinda of a mob mentality?
You know my mom is physically challenged and in a wheelchair. I used to get so mad when I was younger and we were out in public because people, old and young alike would stand there GAWKING at her in her chair. Sometimes the kids would tell their moms,"Mommy, what's wrong with her?" and the parents would shush the kids. But my mom would encourage the kids to ask questions. She would ask them if they wanted to touch her chair. For some reason the kids thought the chair was like an extension of her body. She would explain that her legs didn't work so she couldn't run and play like we all could. So she used the chair to move around. Mom always said that the only way to get people to not fear her (or her chair) was to be open about it and welcome the other person's fears - so that they could learn by it.
Jenn, you'll come to find that Tristan is going to open so many people's minds, views, and worlds. He was put here for a reason. I don't even think he's made a dent in what that reason is. He'll surprise you. I know he will.
Chin up hon! :)
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