Hitting the Bottom - Getting back up...

A long journey...a super long exhausting road. The type of road that you travel that has no shoulders, rest stops or pull overs and all you really need to do is take a shit. We have all traveled long and windy roads. The bumpy, make your mouth water from an impending vomit types of roads that take us to places that we might not have otherwise traversed...but eventually...had to. Taking the left turn instead of the right. Turning around and going in a different direction than what that lady on your GPS instructed us to do. We are all on a quest to get to a certain place that we might not have known we were expected. I was expected to be here...right here where I am right now. It's been an enduring and difficult few years for us. Between failing finances, foreclosures, job lay offs, health issues, death,
bankruptcy....we are finally pulling ourselves out of any of that obscurity, and pressing on. We have an amazing support system around us. We have family and friends that love and think of us often. People ask, "how the hell do you do it?" well, it's simple really...the one thing that has remained constant through all of our trials and tribulations is our love for each other. Every one of us has an amazing amount of love, respect, devotion, and admiration for one another. This is not to say that we don't get ugly...yes, we disagree, we cry, we put on our arguing faces, we get angry, we scream, we yell...but, as naive as this may sound, John had it right...love really is all you need. I truly know that in my heart of hearts, that we are sometimes knocked flat on our asses when change needs to be made. We are awakened to what is truly in store for us, and sometimes, because we fail to listen, it hurts like a mother fucker. We were hurting for a while, but slowly, the hurt has faded and we are on the path to healing.

Happiest of Birthdays to you....

7/15/2013 - All the people that matter are here, there's a rustling, not too crazy, just enough to know that we are surrounded by the one's we love and are loved by. He is happy. I love the look on his face when he see's something, or someone for the first time again after a long while. It's Tristan's 7th birthday. 7 years have already progressed since the time I was faithfully laboring for my boy. My amazing and sweetly powerful boy. I am so blessed. Our life is different. Indeed....it is different than yours, just as your life is different from others, but, all the imperfections are perfectly blended to create something that is truly our own. I love my life. All the cracks, blemishes, bumps and rockiness lend to something completely different and beautiful all in it's own. I am lucky. He's getting slightly excited now, the presents have been opened, some by his own hand, some by his sister's and he is having a difficult time focusing. I am ok with it all. We decided this year to break up his party into 2 separate entities. Every other year, for one reason or another, I thought having a party for him was what he needed...it is afterall, the norm...but make no mistake, we are not normal. We are so far from the norm that being normal is abnormal for us. Every other year, he would escape to the confines of his room, his sanctuary, where we would pry him out, to try and get him to let us in. You see, each other year before this one, we thought we were trying to help him be with us on his birthday, when really all we were doing was forcing him to conform to what we thought was "normal". He was so uncomfortable. I remember sitting there, trying to help him attend. People all around us, way too many for his comfort level, clapping, singing, having conversations in the background, in the foreground, plates clanking, cups and food and wrapping paper filling up the space. He was overwhelmed, and we allowed it to happen...how could we allow this to happen? Not this year. This year is the beginning of his birthdays. It's his day, to do with it what he wishes. I am so happy this year. It's calm, he is calm, it's imperfectly perfect....just like my little man. Happy Birthday Tristan. You have changed our lives so much, have truly opened my mind to the powers of difference, the ability to love, and how to change the world. I love you forever, I like you for always, forever and ever, my baby you'll be.

Whoa.

When did this happen? Looks like the last time I was on here was June, and here it is November and my sweet, sweet Adeline is turning 11 months old. This year has most definitely run away from me...hell, it's driven 65 mph in the opposite direction. Lets see if I am able to catch up. Please forgive the jumble of posts you are about to barraged with, regardless, I hope you enjoy.

Catching up

Gosh...where to start. Tristan graduated preschool, Trinity moved on from first grade, our rental house is being foreclosed on, we took a trip, we had a baby...wait, you knew that....what else. We are constantly in a state of perpetual motion, but we are moving right along with it all, enjoying and soaking up each moment..even the bitter ones. I will post separate posts highlighting stuff that is Hydeman Family, and keep you all in the loop...I kinda promise this time...ok, maybe I won't stay as "on track" as I would like to be...but, I will try. That's all I can promise at this point.

WTH???

Holy shit...I suck at blogging.

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate

Me no likey the spanking of kiddos.

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

My shannon....we have been together almost 17 years, more than half of my life, and he and I have been through everything. I love him more than words could ever say.

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh

This was from a montage that we took back in '08 when Trinity was shaving off his beard. You can read the whole post here....but this picture...oh man, it makes me laugh.

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item

I am thinking that this is referring to a material thing...and I actually had to sit and think about this for a minute, because honestly, I think I could do without everything as long as I have my family. But, for the moment, I suppose I would have to say this, my house. Though it is not mine persay, I do inhabitant it, and I do appreciate that it keeps me and my family warm and safe from the elements. I appreciate the laughter that rings in these walls, the happiness that dwells in this place, and the security that my little one's feel being here. I am thankful for our landlord, that she is patient and kind, and that we are able to live here comfortably. I love this house, and the family that lives here.

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

I would love to know what is going on in that mind of yours.....to feel what you have been feeling, to know what you know...and to see things how you see it. I am amazed and in awe of you everyday Tristan...every second.

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

Would I pick any other night? April 13, 2001, our wedding night. I loved everything about this night, especially who I was marrying. I remember when I first met Shannon, I told my best friend Steven that I would marry that man one day, and everyone thought I was nuts, lovestruck and out of my mind. I just knew that when I first met him, that we would be together forever....here's to forever!

Dear Adeline

You have been teething like crazy, that tonight, you soaked your shirt with drool. I pulled you close to my body, and stared down into your happy sleeping face. The windows are slightly cracked and there is a nice breeze coming in, but our home is like a warm den, and you are my beautiful baby bear. I love you. I love your little body, your perfect little face and hands. The way that you breath and the way that you smile in your sleep. You are wrapped up in your special blanket, all hot pink and fuzzy. Your skin looks like a ripe apricot, I can't describe it any better than that. You are perfect. I am so happy that you are here with us, with me right now...that I can hold you, and love on you forever. Sleep tight baby girl.

Day 04 - A picture of your favorite night

Oooh, this is a tricky one. I have so many favorite nights. So, to make it easier on me, I am going to say, my favorite night in the past year. There...now it's not such a daunting task.

The birth of my beautiful Adeline. This birth has really lifted me into another plane. I felt so accomplished, so strong and powerful, and it was such an amazing experience. I was happy to have shared it with my whole family, and my closest friends. Definitely one of my top ten favorites so far.

My 2 T's

I just love these kids. Through all the trials, tribulations, terror, triumph, tenacity, tantrums, tempers, true heartedness, our t's have treated us well.

Trinity is getting bigger everyday. She towers over most of her 3rd grade friends, and keeps up with all the boys on her flag football team. Her favorite things are still animals, and the count now is up to 8! She takes care of them so well, she loves them and treats them like they are human. We are constantly amazed at her endless capacity to love. She cares for her brother like no other, defending him at any chance. She loves her new baby sister, and I just adore listening to her talk to her in her wee baby voice.

Tristan is doing so well in school. He loves it. His sign language has taken flight, and he is making more strides with his verbal language too. His energy level is through the roof, which is a far cry from the little boy who had difficulty walking far distances. He loves colors, shapes, numbers, letters and learning new languages. He is reading more words everyday and amazes us with his seemingly endless knowledge of things far beyond his grasp of understanding...or at least we thought.

I am happy. There have been a few tests of my patience, tests of my faith and tests of my ability to hold it all together. After everything, I am kept together with the knowledge that I am so blessed. My family is a beautiful full circle. I take the good with the bad, and know that there are much more good days ahead that the other.

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

This one was tricky for me...since I don't really watch television all too much anymore. So, I decided to put my favorite movie instead.

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

My dearest Jackie. This is my best friend from childhood. I have known her since I was 5. When my family and I moved here from Germany , I knew no one. I started school mid year and was very scared. I decided that I would introvert, not to talk to anyone. As I was drinking from the water fountain, I felt a little tap on my shoulder, I looked up and she was standing there, with her arm stretched out, a beautiful hand pushed toward me "Hi, my name is Jacqueline, and we are going to be best friends.". That was it. We have been the closest of friends ever since. Even with her being oceans away, I am and will forever be deeply connected to her.

Adeline - 3 months

How do I love thee?? I couldn't measure it really. You are something so wonderful, it overflows my heart with abundance. I love how you smile at me, and make my heart sing. How you feel pressed up against me, nursing. I love your smell, and your squishy cheeks. You are a wonderful person, and I am so happy to have a hand in that. Your attempts at laughing are hysterical, you will figure it out soon enough little one...You are so smart, and your eyes are so bright, I love how you shine up even the dullest of rooms. Thank you Adeline for being who you are, and for being in our family.

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts

1) I am a hopeless romantic

2) I can't really listen to someone unless I am looking at them

3) I have been with my husband for 17 years this April

4) I grind my teeth in my sleep

5) I can hear EVERYTHING in my sleep. Shannon once talked about a gift he was getting me with Trinity when I was sleeping, and I recalled the conversation almost word for word.

6) My family means everything to me, and I would do anything for them.

7) I wore braces until the age of 22.

8) I have a ridiculous fear of large bodies of water...ask me why sometime.

9) I am ok with messes

10) I am an idealist, a dreamer, and believer that people are mostly good, and that everything will end up as it should be.

30 Day Photo Challenge

My friend recently posted this on their Facebook, and I was immediately intrigued *thanks Krissi!* I implore you to do this if you have time, some of the questions are pretty deep, and you can learn a lot about yourself in the process.

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 - A picture of your favorite night
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
Day 12 - A picture of something you love
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity
Day 19 - A picture and a letter
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change
Day 25 - A picture of your day
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

A different little boy...

Tristan has been taking MB12 injections now for 6 weeks, and we have noticed a DRAMATIC improvement in his cognitive abilities, awareness, eye contact, sleeping, overall happiness. My friend said that he seemed "more present...different" and I agree. You can see it in his eyes that he is more with us than in his special world. He is also more verbal, and will say things unprompted. We left therapy yesterday, there was a little girl playing on the floor, Tristan looked at her and said "Bye Bye" and walked away. Normally, he would never have even noticed she was there. He came up to me last week and actually had a back and forth convo with me...it was hilarious, and it touched my heart

Tristan: "Mama.....kna kna [knock knock]"

Me: "Who's there baby?? (not AT ALL expecting a response.)

Tristan: "Puhple [purple]"

Me: (very surprised) "PURPLE WHO???"

Tristan: (pointing to a purple cat on his book) "Puhple Kaa [purple cat]"

It was awesome.

So, for those of you non believers in biomedical intervention and supplementation, take that. My son NEVER says more than 1-2 words and they are usually prompted. I am a believer.

Just to show you a comparison, this is a picture that was taken 3 months ago...notice the difference in his eyes.