Man, she is funny

Trinity cracks me up...constantly. Just about everything that comes out of her mouth makes me laugh...and when she is mad, I am sure that really pisses her off, I know it does me when I am a mad..but, I have to laugh at her. She is so darn cute. Today we were driving home and she was rambling on about bugs and yada yada, then I had said something about a ladybug and used the word "she" then I corrected myself (always trying to be PC LOL..not really) but I said "Or perhaps he, you never really know with bugs." She replies,

T -"You know you can tell really...it's easy."
Me - "Really, how?"
T - "Simple *she likes this word lately...simple and FABULOUS are her two fav words.* "Simple, you just look underneath them."
Me - *smirking, because I already know where this is going...* "What's underneath??"
T - "Well *because she starts off REALLY important statements with a WELL* "Well, you just look underneath, and if it's a boy...there's a wenis, and if there's a girl..well, you know what there is."
Me - *just to be silly, laughing* "NO...WHAT???? What is there???"
T - *crossing arms and scowling at me...* "MAMA!"

Then when I was speaking with his therapist today, I told her that little t was a bit off today...I used the phrase that really best describes his state..."In another world". Then I overhear Trinity telling one of her "therapy friends" as she calls them, that her brother is "Going to another planet." I was cracking up so hard that water came out of my nose. She was so matter of fact about it and serious and the funniest part is that the "therapy friend" who is also autistic just took it for the gospel, *looking SO intensly and seriously at T* "Oooh, wow." Autistic kids ar hilarious...It was great.

I can't make this stuff up...this is a daily occurance. We go back and forth about silliest of things and it is wonderfully funny bantor. I enjoy her so much. She brings a smile to my face and a flutter to my heart on a minute by minute basis. Sometimes she is so smart though that I want to choke her...but, we won't ruin this sappy story with all that.

Random Thoughts and worries in this CRAZY head of mine....

So, today at the dinner table, I sat and listened to Trinity and Shannon talking, Trinity talking to me, Shannon talking to me...Tristan sitting painfully quiet. I realized that he hasn't said ANY new words lately. He has been just that..painfully quiet. I can't even begin to tell you what it feels like to think and dwell upon the idea that your son may never formulate original speech. Spontaneous words that we so take for granted, "please" "thank you" "mama" "I love you"..."hello" "bye"....so far all the talking that Tristan has done has been upon our prompting..so, essentially, he is copying words that he hears. I try everyday to remain positive and know that he will catch up, but, I gotta tell you..today is one of my days. I am having my DOWN day. SO, here I am, I am going to be in my little hole for a bit and then I will pull myself out. I feel a little trapped down here. I feel almost suffocated..I want so badly to help him get out of his "place"...but sometimes I don't think he understands me. It is maddening. I want to just open up all the doors where he has locked himself away and crawl in there for a minute. I wish I knew what it was that he is thinking. Do you think he thinks about me? Do you think he understands what I am saying to him? I want to believe that he does. That he really is just going to catch up. So, lets do that...help me out of this hole for a second....ah, there we go. *dusting myself off* Tristan is going to catch up. He WILL talk on his own when he is GOOD and READY and fuck anyone that tries to say otherwise, including his mama. Thanks for listening, I won't go down there again for a while, but, when I do...because you know I will...please listen again.

A Few More of my Favorite Things!

Lemons - They are really underestimated and undervalued. They have amazing antibacterial properties and are ALL NATURAL. Did you know that lemons PREVENT strains of influenza?? You could completely avoid unecessarily exposing you and your children to nasty flu shots if you just have a little lemon on hand. It is a great body cleanse if taken on an empty stomach with water and honey...I do this in the AM. They are next to free if you plant a tree. You can use lemon for eating, marinating, skin exfoliation, disenfecting, sterilizing, and making your home smell SO summery fresh. Take a few leaves off of the tree, crumple them in your hand and boil them in a simmer pot. Try it...you will like it!


Vitamin B12 - This vitamin has helped my son in so many ways, I can't even begin to tell you. When we started supplementing, we noticed a language spurt RIGHT AWAY. Granted, you can't understand half of what it is he is trying to say, BUT, he is trying...and repeating cyllabuls...I know I botched that...anyway. Tristan take a supplement called MPB and it is amazing. Its main ingredient is the B12. A ton of Autistic children recieve B12 shots, and now I know why...this vitamin works. I take it too and it does give my brain a boost of energy when I am feeling like I have another case of "The Mondays".

My Dyson Vaccuum Cleaner...*que the angel music* IT ROCKS! I have to admit, I was a skeptic, I thought..."Why would ANYONE pay upwards of $500 for a vaccuum????" Now I know. That Swedish Dyson guy really means it when he says it NEVER loses suction. The carpet feels so soft and fresh when I vaccuum it. I love to vaccuum...I am enjoying typing the word VACCUUM...it is my way of unwinding. The wonderful thing about the model I have is that it purifies the air as you are cleaning! PURIFIES THE AIR! All Dyson's are certified asthma and allergy friendly. It actually makes it cleaner than when you first started, that my friends is worth $500....We have the Model DC-17 Asthma and Allergy...it is a lovely shade of outerspace blue and BOY, does it rock my world.



Organic Hemp / Bamboo - I LOVE the fact that both of these materials are grown with minimal amounts of water and labor. They are the epitomy of sustainable. Fabrics in Hemp and Bamboo are naturally anti-microbial, are PERFECT for organic toys for children as they are not treated with pesticides and smell divine. They are pricier, but, in the long run, it is SO worth it. I made a blanket for Trinity and backed it with Organic Bamboo Velour...so YUMMY soft.

Britax - WOWZA is all I have to say. They are amazing manufacturers of safety products. Specifically I am talking about the Britax Marathon. I love this seat. My daughter has been in one since she was 8 months old (rear facing of course) and we have 4 total (2 in the Burb and 2 in the Magnum). They are super soft and gushy, have AMAZING safety ratings and can harness up to 65 lbs! That is HUGE considering my 10 year old neice is only like 70 lbs. If you wanted a seat that lasts even longer, the Regeant harnesses to 80lbs. We plan on keeping the kiddos in them until they reach the limit, and yes, that means if they are 7 or 8. Check out this video, and you will understand why.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azgBhZfcqaQ
and
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVVCwZid4To

More to come when I have a free second!!! Stay tuned.

I really love him

I love my husband. I can't say it or think it enough. I really adore him. He is so patient, so kind, funny, energetic, strong, sexy, amazingly smart, awesome, organized, driven, earthy, spiritual, happy....I love being around him. He really does bring out the best in me.

During these past 2 1/2 weeks, there were/are times when I fall apart...literally, like collapse to the ground. He is there, picking me up. He cries with me, he holds me, he loves me and I feel so safe and sound. I love how devoted he is to our family and our relationship. I am going to dote on him a bit here, because he deserves it.

I don't know if you all know, but he does A LOT. He works full time so I can stay home. He drives 40+ miles ONE way to work everyday in that stinkin' rush hour Arizona traffic and puts in 10 hours at his job. He comes home HAPPY and with a smile EVERYDAY. He kisses the kiddos first thing and usually lets Trinity help him drive the car into the garage. He calls me any free chance he has at work, and we chat...we love talking to each other still...even after 14 years together, I could talk with him on the phone or whatever all the time.

He does the dishes, laundry, bathes the kiddos and helps clean the house. He enjoys helping because our family is built upon the foundation that we are equal. No one person has a set responsibility, we both do everything we can to make everyone happy. If you have never had a chance to see him with our children, well, lets just say...Father of the Year award goes to.....He is amazing, and anyone who has met him will agree. Whenever we are invited to parties, events where other families will be there, he ALWAYS ends up with the kids jumping all over him, playing and shouting "Do it again..Pick me up...Watch me Shannon" competing for his attention. He loves to play. He is a big kid. I love it.

He doesn't drink, not a drop, never has. I admire this about him SO much. People think he is a recovering alcoholic or something, but what it is is so much more. He doesn't drink because A) He doesn't like the way it tastes. B) He views his body as a temple, and one that should be treated with respect, so nothing goes in that would compromise that. C) He does not want to be altered in ANY sense. D) Trinity views him as her role model, and what type of a hero would he be if he was inebriated while his very aware 4 year old daughter watched? How do you explain, drinking is bad for you, you shouldn't drink....but let me have another. I admire him. I want to be like him when I grow up. Thank you Shannon for ALWAYS being solid and true. You are an amazing human to which our world is more complete....my world is more complete because you are in it...

1 day at a time...going on forever

So, it's been a 2 1/2 weeks since my Grandmother's passing...it still hurts really bad. Seeing my mother so saddened by it hurts even worse. I love my mom so much, and to think that she is in any amount of pain is unbearable for me. I want to just take the pain away, but I am feeling it too. I can't imagine how it will feel when she passes and I don't want to...but I can't help but think about it when someone so close to you dies. I miss her.

Cammie has been gone for 1 week now, it is really taking a toll on us emotionally. She was such a wonderful companion. She was sweet and never put up a fight on anything. She smelled good. She gave the BEST kisses, I miss those kisses...We picked up her ashes yesterday, that was hard, I couldn't go in...I had to have Shannon get them, it's still too painful to be in that office again. They did such a nice job, they included a name plaquard and everything...still unsure what we are going to do with the remains. I mean, on one hand, you want them to have a final resting place, but, on the other, she loved being with us....then you think, it's only her physical remains, and her spirit is already gone...but we as human beings are so connected to what we can see and touch...it is hard to let that go you know?

On a side note, she has been visiting us. She had a favorite blanket that she would suck on, yes, suck on. It was really cute...and annoying all in the same breath. I would put the blanket up, folded neatly, she would come up behind me and pull it down. Well, the day she died, I put her blanket up for one last time, it was still on the floor from before I took her in to the vet. I took a short nap on the sofa that she loved to sit on and look out the window, then, when I awoke, there it was, close to the couch all spread out how she normally had it. Then I heard her coming up the stairs, she had asthma and would breath like she was climbing Mt. Everest everytime she ascended the stairs to our room. The night after she passed, all was quiet, and very faintly, we hear her panting. I miss you Cam, so much.

Trinity, on touchy and deep subjects....

On Death and Caring for her brother
"Mommy, a long time from now, when you die, then Daddy dies, and I die, who is going to take care of Tristan?"

On Time
"If Yesterday was Today, then would Today be Tomorrow?"

On Autism
I was talking with the neighbor and Tristan and Trinity were outside with me. Tristan is getting better, but he still has NO fear of running out into the street. He kept trying to down off the curb and Trinity kept herding him back to the sidewalk with me. The neighbor, to whom I have just met, says teasingly, but still..rudely..."Oooh, what a naughty boy...look at him, he isn't even listening to you." Trinity responds "He's a good boy, he just has Autism. It's ok Tristan, here, let me help you." Way to go Trin, she is wiser than many people 10 times her age.

To Cammie
We were leaving the store and it was starting to get dark, she says while looking up in the sky, "Goodnight Cammie, have fun jumping on the clouds and playing with the stars."

On Euthenasia
T - "Mommy, I thought that God takes us to Heaven?"

Me - "Youre right baby, he does."

T- "Then why did we have to make Cammie go to Heaven?"

OUCH :(

More and More

So, As I had blogged before, Tristan's therapist is worried about his progress. I get a call from AZ State Dept. of Health, it's my DDD Coordinator. Apparently they want to get him re-evaluated for Long Term Care, Tristan's OT is concerned now that we are looking at regression in his Autism. WHAT? Am I completely blinded by my motherly instincts that I just imagined he was progressing? I am at a loss on this one. I thought that he had been doing well, he had been making more appropriate eye contact. He had been having more original and spontaneous speech...albeit one word here or there, it was better than NO words. His Speech Therapist is happy with his progress, having NOTHING but good things to say. I am so confused. Could she be off? I mean, maybe he is having behaviours with her? I am so so so confused. I want there to be a day that I go into therapy, and after his session they come out and say..."WOW, he did _____ perfect 100%~ He is coming such a long way!!!" Because I SEE that. I know how hard he is working, how he WANTS to be talking. Who wants to be locked inside of themselves at the mercy of others to try and translate what they need? Who wants to be stagnant, with no progress? I know he doesn't. I talk to Tristan all the time, telling him how much I love him and know that he is doing all that he can. I know he understands me. I can see it in his eyes. I just wish that everyone else could too.

Goodbye my little one...

Cammie Belle Gray Shadow Hydeman

June 12, 1999 - June 11, 2008

Today was a very difficult day for us. We had to say goodbye to Cammie, our youngest Weim. (aside from Layla of course). Cammie started getting lethargic 3 days ago, she stopped eating entirely 2 days ago, and refused food, water, potty today. She seemed so uncomfortable and was having trouble breathing (she was diagnosed with Asthma at birth, but has always known her limits.) I thought MAYBE she got into something, maybe it was Valley Fever, I know this is going around right now. I thought we would take her in, get some blood work, maybe an IV for dehydration, then antibiotics and back home.

They did an xray, bloodwork and total workup. The doctor came back with a grim look on her face. She proceeded to show me the xrays. Apparently Cammie does not have asthma, rather a hernia that has somehow caused her organs to shift and move into the space where her heart lives. Over the years the organs would move up (this would show as an asthma attack) then move down, and she would be fine. Well, they moved up and got stuck, causing her breathing to really become labored. We thought she may have been coming down with a little cold. I had no idea it was so involved. She proceeds to tell me that to do a surgery would require tens of thousands of dollars, a specialist and we would have to move on it right away. She then said, and I will never forget the sinking feeling when she said it, she said "She probably wouldn't make it through the process"......I am so sick feeling, numb and sad. Shannon was at work, luckily Albert came to keep Tristan busy. I asked him to take Trinity out for a walk, the last thing Trin says is "Cammie is going to be alright, right mama...right mama???" At this point I hadn't cried yet, but as soon as she left the room, I fell to the floor. How do I do this? How is it that I have to decide this? I just can't see how it is fair that this decision be placed into a person's hands. I called Shannon and told him the news, he was a shocked as I was. He got off work to come.

Then comes the hardest thing I think I have ever had to do as a mother so far. Explain to my 4 year old that her dog has to go to Heaven. She asks me how? Doesn't God do that? Why mama? and her lip is quivering...her chin is scrunching up and her eyes are welled with tears. I tell her that she needs to go to Heaven now, and that she is going to be in a better place. She lets out a cry that I can't even think about....and hugs her Cammie. I fall to peices. Albert falls to peices. Shannon finally arrives and it's the same thing, all over...we are just so sad. We decided that we wanted to be around her when she went to sleep, we all just hugged her, kissed her and let her know how much we adore her and the time we have been blessed to spend with her.

Cammie was Shyanne's baby, she had a litter of 7 and only 3 survived. Since their birth BOTH of Cammies siblings passed...she was the last surviving child. I felt so saddened since they didn't get to say goodbye. I just took her to the doctor, and didn't even think to have them say goodbye. Both Dakota (Cammie's dad) and Shyanne are a miserable mess. They know. Shy sniffed towards the door for about an hour after we came home as if to say, "Where is my little girl?? You took her out, why didn't she come back?"

Tomorrow would be her 9th birthday. She was such a good little girl. Cammie Belle...you were an amazing companion, such a loving and sweet dog. I don't think that in this lifetime I will ever meet another animal such as mild mannered and wonderful as you. You will be missed and forever in our hearts.

So, I wasn't expecting that...

Today was Tristan's OT Day and I thought he had been making good progress, but today his therapist drops a bomb on me. She says that she is concerned about his safety becuase he exhibits no safe guards. In other words, he will fall straight back and not catch himself, same with forward. She also said that she is not happy with how bad his motor planning is ie. clumsiness. She thinks that there could be a cerebral compromise...lamens terms, brain damage to the back of his head. She thinks that when he had his concussion that this could have just made matters worse. I talked with her about how they performed a brain scan and it came back fine. She wants us to get an MRI with the nuerologist. SHIT. I thought we were past this. This is my fear, putting him throught this again. UG. I just don't know if I can do it, but, if I don't I will always worry you know? I just don't want him to have memories of his childhood and have them consist of being in therapy or at the doctor having them perform some test...I worry. A LOT. I hope that this all passes soon, that he can just grow out of whatever it is that is locking him away. I pray that we can find a peaceful place that he is able to just be Tristan.

These are a few of my favorite things...

Ok, so you all know that I have become somewhat passionate about our environmental toxins...that sounded weird, but, read on, you will get it. Since Tristan's Autism diagnosis in January we have all gone great lengths as a family to insure that our house is a clean and safe house (even cleaner and safer...) For those who don't know, many autistic children suffer from a hyper-sensitivity to sensory stimulus. This means lights, sounds, smells, touch, and rolled into that is CHEMICALS. Environmental pollution just adds to the overstimulation. Tristan is very sensitive to outside pollutants and because of this, we have made our house 100% chemical free and environmentally friendly. This means, NO bleach, NO phosphates, NO sulfates, NO added chemicals to foods, NO food coloring, NO aerosols, NO NO NO!!! We use Certified Organic whenever possible and avoid preservatives when able. So, these are a few of my favorite things. It can take YEARS to compile your favorite lists, so, hopefully you can take a few of these and apply them to your house, they have been tried to be true and we love them. So, without further adue, these are some of my favorite Earth Friendly / Sustainable / Organic products and valuable resources. I didn't have EVERYTHING all together, but, these are a few...enjoy.

BioKleen Products - THESE ROCK. You can purchase them at Sprouts. We LOVE the Produce Wash, it is more like a soap (but the key ingredients are Orange / Lime Peel Extract, Grapefruit seed Extract, and it really gets all the wax, pesticides and dirt off of your freshies. It is also GREAT for cleaning out your fridge, cutting boards, baby tray, etc. BAC-OUT Odor and Stain Eliminator is great for those hard to clean situations that you would normally use bleach. It works by using You can use it for pet soils on carpets, grease stains, tea stains, berry stains, chocolate, ink...poopy clothes on kiddos, as a sanitizer to your laundry, deodorizing trash cans / diaper pails, cleaning potties, it erases mildew and again, contains no bleach or harmful additives, it smells SO GOOD



LIVING WITHOUT Magazine. I love this mag. If you have food allergies, need yummy healthful recipes, most free of Gluten and Casien, then this is the magazine for you (I feel like one of those kids on Reading Rainbow suggesting my favorite book from the library)...but seriously, good read.

Skin Deep Cosmetic Safety Database. This should be a staple in anyone's favorites file. It is a wonderful tool that arms you to be an educated and safe consumer of today's many cosmetic products. You enter the product name and you will recieve a comprehensive consumer report of sorts. You get a brand Summary with charts, ingredient breakdown and toxicity concerns. It's just lovely!!!! Check it out, educate yourself, be a safe consumer, your family and YOU deserve it!
http://www.cosmeticdatabase.com/splash.php?URI=%2Fbrand.php%3Fbrand_id%3D198

Seventh Generation Automatic Diswashing Detergent I love the smell of this, and the fact that it is free of any Phosphates is wonderful. This is a green cleanser that really works. I know that many of you are fearful of using green products because you feel they lack that extra cleaning power, let me tell you...this one is tried and true. It works. What to watch out for when buying Earth Friendly or Eco products? Well, there is an order to how products are rated for toxicity and such. Most green products are not toxic and very safe for skin and such. BUT, some do contain the word CAUTION. I myself avoid these. But, if you would like to know the order of harshicity (yeah, not a word...) in all products here it is:

Caution: Slightly toxic (many green products carry this label)
Irritant: Causes soreness, redness, or inflammation of the skin, eyes, mucous membranes or breathing system
Warning: Moderately toxic
Corrosive: Can destroy material or living tissue
Danger or Poison: Highly toxic

India Tree Natural Food Coloring and Crystals Check out their website http://www.indiatree.com/ , beautiful products that really work! A lot of "natural" or plant based colorings are dull, very muddy, not these! They are vibrant. If you are looking for RED and BLUE and YELLOW in deep colors, good luck, since they are plant based, they are truly more pastel, but still so pretty, and healthy.

Blink Tidy Totes ($3 at Walmart) - These things are WORKHORSES for clutter! Each kit comes with 4 totes, and they are big. The mesh is not the strongest in the world, but, if you have toys, sippy cups, random things rolling around in your backseat, rather than stuffing them in a plastic bag, throwing them in your garage, you can clean your car up in a snap and they are easier to look at. Here is a stock pic, then my pic of the actual bag.

Glass Containers. I love storing my odds and ends in glass containers. We scored these from IKEA, they were relatively inexpensive, and they have an inner seal to lock out air and unwanted dust / bugs. I store trail mix, crakers, nuts, dried fruit, pastas etc. They are MUCH better than their plastic counterparts and really, last so much longer.

Unbleached Cloth Diapers Whenever possible, choose cloth. I am not going to preach the cloth diapering gospel on you guys, again, BUT, I will say, try it, you will see why so many people are choosing cloth to the poison filled alternatives. Aside from saving thousands of trees, sparing your child from the toxicity of bleach and petroleums, you are eliminating thousands of unbiodegradeble diapers from filling up the landfills. Ok, I have said my piece, I will step of the virtual cloth diapering soapbox now.

Seventh Generation Organic Diapers When CDing is NOT possible, I recomend these sposies. They are made from organic / sustainable recycled pulp, contain no bleach or chemicals and are biodegradable. So, give it a try, switch to something that is healthier for your baby and the Earth!

Aromababy Natural Baby Lotion (with Avocado) this product is ALL natural and certified organic. I love the natural smell, not overwhelmingly perfumey, your baby still smells like your baby, but just a bit sweeter. These are NOT cheap, but, I will add that a little goes a long way. Check out all their products here. http://www.aromababy.com/

Toms Natural Toothpastes - for kids or for us...they are good!

SOME of My Gluten Free / Wheat Free Staples. These are some of Tristans FAVORITE GF products that they have on the market. If anyone has tried Rice Bread, you know that there are good ones, and there are BAD ones. GF foods are the same. Sometimes you strike gold and find some really good tasting, awesome textured GF foods, and these are ones that my almost 2 year old swears by *I like them too!*

Perky O's - Just like Cherrios, but they are wheat and nut free! They taste like sunflower seeds to me, but I like them!

Enjoy Life GF Cereal Bars - This brand makes AMAZING desserts, cookies, brownies, cereal bars etc. They are moist and dense and taste like the real deal.

Kinnikinnick Products - ROCK! That is all I have to say! We really love the Chicken Coating mix, I cook up chicken breast and make our own nuggets...so yummy.

Happy Bellies Rice Cereal with Probiotics - Probiotics are SO vital to a healthy intestine. This cereal contains all the right "belly bugs" that you need to keep things moving healthily along!

Don Pancho Gluten Free Wraps - GF's idea of a tortilla, it is yummy...also, Corn Tortillas are awesome, so, we do a TON of that here too!

Sooo, thanks for reading this REALLY long post! I will be adding more sequals as I find more of my favorite things!

The Kids Rooms...for you Katie!

A friend of mine wanted some pics of the house, specifically the kiddies rooms and such, so, here you go Katie! I hope this gets your creative juices a flowing. We are working on new pictures for Trinity's room, adding new bedding to both rooms, and constantly moving things around. The organizational chaos in the playroom works great, although, we desperately need to scale down the amount of toys (though, it looks like a LOT more than there really are, we spread them out about the cubes so the kids can see everything.) We rotate the upper toys with the lower so they get play. We have a play table in the loft sitting area and have different themes each week (ie. puzzles, blocks, trains, little people, books etc.) this way the kids don't get bored with their old toys...I will tell you, I have not bought new toys in AGES. Most of what we have was given by means of gifts, birthdays, Christmas etc. Enjoy the rooms, we love playing in them!

Miss Trinity's Room

Her favorite color used to be pink, it has since changed to red...I am NOT painting her room red LOL..she wanted it pink and still loves it, thank GOODNESS! Shannon spent about 2 days perfecting the trim and beadboard, it looks so pretty, I love it. We painted the pictures for her behind her bed. We are working on a new one, it is large and will take the place of the 4 old ones. She spends HOURS in this room. I made her the small quilt that is on the edge of her bed, she loves it and we will be making much more to go with it.

Lil' Tristan's Room

Vintage Aviation / Vehicles Theme. He has Airplanes hanging from the ceiling, Hot Air Balloons on the walls, pictures that sport Vintage Racing and Aviation.

Their Loft

This room started with the 2 Bookcases that are holding all the toys. It just grew from there. The loft space is relatively big, so, we can accomodate a play area and a sitting area which makes it nice when we have a lot of people over. The sofa is red courdoroy and the slipcover washes in the wash!!! They have a bookcase behind the couch that stores all of their beloved books. When we are not in Trin's room playing with the bunny or kitty, or in Tristan's room jumping from the bunks...we are here, pretending, playing school or just watching a movie.

Introducing Lylah Ruby Hydeman

We added a new addition to our family recently. I think with the death of my Grandmother, I felt this strong void, and, well, having a baby takes 10 months, so, we got a new Weimeraner puppy! I am a sucker for a cute face. She is a "Blue" which is just another term for the darker shade of grey. She is lovely. She was sent to me through an email from the Weimeraner Rescue Club that we are a part of. Her situation was that she was a gift for a man from his girlfriend. Sweet? Yes, but he worked long hours and was often away during the weekend, which would not have been bad because the girlfriend was there to watch puppy...well, girlfriend left, so, puppy was left alone...in jumps me! She came to us with the name "Eva", but, Lylah is what we changed it to. Trinity, Shannon and I just started coming up with names that sounded like Eva...and this one stuck. Lilacs are my mother's favorite flower, they bloom on the bushes in front of my Grandmother's house, and Ruby is my late Grandmother's name. SO, heres to you Grandma..your newest Granddaughter, you would be proud to have her carry your name!

How do you say goodbye?

My grandmother passed away on Friday...how do I say goodbye? I just keep turning to our memories together, trying to relive each moment in my mind. I miss her. I try not to think about the WHY's...why didn't I go down and see her yet? Why didn't I call her to say hello?

A good friend of mine from high school emailed me and suggested something wonderful...plant a tree in her memory. What an amazing gesture. Life. Plant a tree and give life to a moment of death, give a constant reminder of the positive and loving memories of the person that has passed to you and your family. I can't wait to plant a tree for my Grandma. My mother is hit really hard by this whole thing, they were very close. It makes me think more and more about how much I love my mom. How I won't take her for granted. Life is a very fragile thing. Thank you to everyone that has emailed, we appreciate all your thoughts. Shannon took time off so I could fly to South Dakota, unfortunately, all the flights were booked...we have been keeping up to date through my mother and Grandfather, so, it is like we are there with them.

I miss you Grandma, I really hope that you have found peace, and that you are so happy and pain free. I know that you are near me though. We went to get doughnuts and I started thinking of you, then all of a sudden...there you were, I smelled your perfume. It was so strong, Shannon couldn't smell it...I did though, very clearly. You will be missed. Please know that I think of you everyday, and that I have already started teaching Trinity the songs you sang to me...she loves the stories that I tell her about you. You will live on through my children, forever in thought and in spirit. I love you Grandma, goodbye for now.