Happy Birthday Trinity!!

Trinity turned 5 years old today. What a GREAT celebration. We threw a Superhero themed birthday party and were the "Super" family...I was Lois Lane at a party LOL. We encouraged guests to come dressed as their favorite crime fighters and we were SO pleased that many of them did. I love birthdays. The gathering of family and friends to celebrate a life well lived.

Trinity, you are SOOO amazing to me. I appreciate our time together. I adore you and am so proud of the little girl you have become. You were so thankful for all of your guests and the gifts that they brought. I love that you kept saying "OH, it's just what I wanted...." or even better "I have wanted this my WHOLE life, THANK YOU!!" it was really fun to watch you open the presents. You looked SO cute in your supergirl costume.

The kids played games and earned prizes, it was really fun to see them enjoying themselves. After most everyone left except for our closest friends, we were excited to find a beautiful rainbow had filled the sky above our house. I like to think that it was my Grandmother wishing miss T a happy day. It was really amazing to see.

Trinity spent the end of her night playing with her 3 best friends, Tatum, Jillian and Tristan. They were racing down the slides...Tristan thought they were hilarious. Then he took his turn.

Jillian stayed a bit and they took a bath, it's times like this that I wish I lived closer to friends and family :( It was nice to see all of you, thank you SOOO much for sharing our special day, Trinity and ALL of us had a wonderful time.

Random Thoughts in this crazy mind of mine....

So, I sit here at the computer...it's 12:30ish AM and I am exhausted and can't sleep. My insomnia is back, YIPPIE *note the sarcasm*....I am thinking again...oh no...when I get in my head, it is SOOO terribly hard to pull myself out. I am fearful. I am worrisome. I am scared. My biggest, or at least one of my MANY biggest fears is that t is taken advantage of because of his inability to communicate. It has been KILLING me thinking about it. I actually think I may try and get some help. I am feeling really depressed lately, and I just want to feel normal again, whatever that is. I never thought I would become "that mom" but sometimes, I feel it urking up on me. I find myself consumed with the conversations of autism. I stay up late...googling all that I can to learn more and try and be the best advocate for my son that I can be. In the midst of all of this, I feel sometimes...and I can't believe I am going to share this with you....I feel that I may be neglecting my other 2 very important people in my life..Shannon and Trinity. I just want so much to be whole...does that make any sense? I know SO many parents have it SO much harder...I don't deserve to be feeling sorry for myself.

In the midst of this cloud I have to share some wonderful news. We were approved for Long Term Care!!! This is H U G E. It means there are so many more therapies and resources at our fingertips. It means that little t does not have to give up his therapies when he starts preschool...it means if I decide to homeschool him, he can still have ST / OT / PT and more! It means Respite. The true definition of respite is this : A BRIEF INTERVAL OF REST OR RELIEF. We are approved for 720 hours of respite by a provider that we get to interview. They will come to the house, on trips if we need help, to doctor's appointments where I would have needed Shannon to take off...it is huge. On those days when I can't even go to the bathroom without worrying if t is getting up on the table to hang on the light....I don't have to worry. Trinity gets to be a normal kid and do things with mommy again. She gets to just finish her coloring instead of "HURRY...go check on your brother!!! PLEASE!!!" She gets to be a kid, not her brother's keeper. I would pay a million dollars for that. We are all feeling so optimistic about this, that hopefully...my hole with start to be a bit closer to the surface. That hopefully, I can move on, move past and look forward at a rate that I am used to. I am hopeful. Please pray for us, pray that everything will happen as it should. Pray that we can find some solice and "normalcy" in our sometimes overwhelmingly crazy lives. Pray that I can find serenity. Thank you for reading...thank you for being here with me on this roller coaster of a ride that I lovingly call my journey. I love you all and appreciate your support.

Update on Little t

Little t had his appointment with the ENT today. Backtrack to about 4 weeks ago. He had all but stopped talking in his therapy sessions and we were noticing him being painfully quiet at home too. His therapists spoke with me about it each week, prodding and asking what I thought may be the change. We all put our heads together and came up with a common denominator..his ears. He had just recently been hitting at his Left ear and turning the tv up louder than usual, he was not responding to things that he normally did and was not talking, at all. So, today. We get him into the ENT, this man was FABULOUS. They checked both ears, and sure enough, the Left ear, the one that he has seemed aggitated with, was full of fluid. The Right ear was full of wax. The Doctor wants us to give it 3 weeks, normally, with typical children they will do a trial up to 8 weeks to see if the fluid dissapears, but, with his diagnosis, we don't want to delay him anymore. He asked to see us back in October. IF there is still fluid, we will put tubes in his ears. IF they died out, they will go forward with the hearing test. He couldn't perform the test since it would have to be a special test, and with the fluid on his ear, he would fail. He was also not surprised that he has been quiet, "try putting your head under water sometime and have your daughter talk to you...see how much you hear." It would explain a lot. We have taken him in to his Primary for ear issues and they never seem worried, never really looked in there, just peeked and said how they didn't look red. I am starting to think that this may have been going on for sometime. I will keep you all updated, for now, we are just doing the drops, ear wax removal drops and peroxide to dry it out...wish us luck!!!

It's all I've got....

I know, I am lame, a photographer and all the pictures of I have of my new "do" are those from my mom's phone or ones that I can't seem to retrieve from my phone...argh! But, here is one that my mom took of me after T's soccer game last Saturday.

ID on ME

With little t being non verbal, his allergies, and his tendancy to roam...we ordered a Medical ID bracelet. I didn't want the typical silver and red deals that you see so often on most people, typically elderly or alzheimers patients...I had to find something that A) He would be able to wear B) Something that was not too heavy...he has issues with stuff on his wrists C) That was ULTRA cool...cause that's how he rolls LOL. So, I stumbled upon these...ID on ME bracelets. I ordered one for lil t and one for T...they are really amazing even if you have no medical issues. It is a peace of mind for your child to wear...imagine if you are seperated and they are freaking out...how the heck will she remember our cell phone in that instant?? Or our address?? This ID bracelet has a hidden compartment that is air tight. Inside the compartment you have a strip of paper that you fill out all pertinenet information. You have to get one, keep your little ones safe in this crazy world!

The do....

Everyone is asking about the pictures, I am working on uploading them as we speak! My mom took a few good ones on her phone, so, as soon as I get those, you will see it! It was such a wonderful feeling to cut the hair off knowing that a little girl would be getting a new wig to sport around. I have always wanted to donate my hair, but have just been so attached to it..finally, I just did it. I am a brunette now too...apparently my roots are really dark, and they look especially so without all the blonde ends! So, be prepared for a change...I do look different, that's for sure!

Guess What I Did??

I will post more later, I'll just let you chew on that for now!

little t...updates

So, it finally is REALLY and truly soaking in....Tristan is different. I mean...so f-ing what right?? Yeah, I can tell myself that over and over, but today...just for right now, I am having a moment, bear with me. I hope you all don't get sick of hearing these, because, as it looks right now, I may have a few more...just hang on it will get lighter...I just have to get through this little bit of heavy right now, hope that's ok.

We had little t's meeting with Arizona Long Term Care on Tuesday...ug, I hate these. The entire process is so invasive, you are put on the spot, questions are being thrown one after the other...you have to remember EVERY little thing so some question taker can jot it down and use it against you later...ok, that was unfair..but, really, it's kinda horrible-ish. This was the moment that it all hit me, like a big ole' freight train...BAM...he is different. They are asking questions,

Question Guy: "If your son is holding a ball above his head, and he throws it, does he fall?"

Me: "He isn't able to hold a ball up above his head...and he can't throw...but, yes, he would fall."

QG: "When your son walks up the stairs, does he hold your hand or is he able to do it alone.?"
Me: "He isn't walking up stairs yet."
QG: "When he eats, does he load his spoon?"
Me: "He isn't able to use a spoon..or plate...or bowl...it all lands on the floor, I either put it on the table or feed him."

QG: "Can he jump with both feet off the floor?"
Me: "No." *how sad is that...a little boy can't jump??? I mean, he wants to....just can't.*

QG: "When he takes his clothes off...*me inturrupting*

Me"...he isn't doing that...."

QG: "Does he help you with dressing."
Me: "No."

QG: "Are you potty training?"
Me: "Are you kidding??"

QG: "Does he sleep with his hands open or closed??"
Me: *pausing to think...* "closed...why?"
QG: "It's just a question we have to ask..."

Me: "ok."

QG: "When he lays on his back, can he pull his head up to sit up?"
Me: "No..."

QG: " So, he CAN'T sit up????"
Me: "When he is laying on his back, he only rolls to the side to sit up, his midline and trunk muscles are so weak that NO he cannot sit up by pulling his head to center and using his stomach and neck muscles to facilitate...did that make sense?"

QG: "yes...are you ok??"
Me: *crying a little....trying not to ball my eyes out in front of this stranger..* "mmm-hmm"

QG: "Just take it day by day...it'll all turn out as it should."

We are taking it day by day. But, everyday is just like the last. Today at therapy both his therapist showed GREAT concern over the fact that he is STILL not talking...he has been so painfully quiet these past few weeks. The only sound he is making is 'Ba'. Back to square one. We are going back to basics, just sounds that he is familiar with.

I think about all the milestones that he has yet to hit and how I somehow may have taken them for granted with T. Jumping off of the ground with 2 feet...do you remember when your child did that? I don't...but I can't wait for it to happen with him. Reaching above your head or to be picked up....Waving Bye....Playing Peek a Boo...these are all things he has yet to do. Man, this is hard. I am in this stuck place...I don't want to be stuck. I feel sad and overwhelmed...then, I feel guilty for feeling that way. Today, when we got home, little t was sleeping...T looks at me and says "Mama, he's going to be fine." My 4 year old daughter is reassuring me....I wish I could believe it. She is so sure though. She says "He may not talk mama, but he knows us...he knows what's happening. When he gets older, we can find out what is wrong..but for now, we can just love him." OY, my heart melted, she is so incredibly mature for her age. I love her so much.

He has an appointment with the ENT to see if there is some other reason that he is not talking....possibly a blockage in his ears. I will keep you all posted and please keep his progess in your thoughts, we need all the help we can get.

I am at it again....more favorites!!!

Remember my old posts a few months back "A few of my favorite things" 1 and 2 ...well, I am at it again. Here is series 2 of my favs! I hope you enjoy (thanks Katie for the link parsing info!!)

MH2O

I heart this mop soooooo much! As you all know we have eliminated the chemicals from our home, and this mop is so great because it cleans on 100%PURE H2O!!! It uses the power of steam to blast away all the dirt, grime, bacteria and whatever else is on your floors. I love using it, the floor literally is squeaky clean under foot. You have no streaks and no residue. It cleans out the grout, and you can use it to steam upholstery and carpets too. I can't say enough good things about this wonderful eco friendly workhorse. Pick one up! I got ours at Linen's N Things. It was $99 and we used our 20% off coupon.

CORN BASED PLASTICS

We are trying to eliminate the use of plastics in our home and have stumbled upon a WONDERFUL product. They have straws, bags, plates, cups...you name it. The best thing about these is that they are 100% biodegradable and compostable. I have not yet used these, but they are on order to our home (straws and bags)...stay tuned for an update.

This Website

This is the website that we order the Corn Based Products from.

What Odor?

This is a Godsend for families with pets. I use this product on all facets of our house. If the cat box is stinky, I spray it on there. If one of the dogs had an accident (LYLAH) I spray the spot with this. You can use it anywhere and around anyone...there are no harmful chemicals and it is 100% Biodegradable. Another nice thing is for every product you purchase, a tree is planted!

id Bare Minerals Makeup

Now, you know I am not a makeup girl..BUT, if I have to look super pretty for some "special event"...(cause you know I have a ton of those) this stuff is the BEST thing I have found that helps to add a little "life" while keeping me looking like...me. I don't like makeup, at all. About the only thing that I do use is mascara because my eyelashes are so light. BUT, this makeup helps to clear up my acne too. Try it sometime, really, it's worth the money and it is easy to apply. If you forget to wash your face at night, it is ok...the minerals are actually good for your skin. I picked my set up at ULTA, it was on special for $49 (keep in mind that if you were to use it EVERYDAY...and it lasts ALL DAY...it would last you a year).

Ok, so, that is all I can think of at the time...it is really flippin' early in the morning, so, I will just leave you with this! Let me know if you try anything and what you think!!!!

Vegas Baby

For Labor day weekend and Shannon's birthday we took a trip to Vegas...it was so much fun, but really...exhausting. We are walkers, and we didn't realize just how DIFFICULT it is to walk the Vegas strip...the cars, the people, the sun hitting us from the blaring skyscrapers...damn Wynn Hotel, I curse you. But, we had a great time. The vacation was ALL about the kids, pretty funny considering we were in a city with the name "Sin" in it's catch phrase. Being the frugal king and queen that we are, we decided to partake in one of those "Resort Time Share Presentations." It was an ordeal, but, after all was said and done, we walked away with $150 in Visa Gift Cards, 2 Tickets to The Secret Garden, $40 Cash, and they provided Breakfast and Lunch and VARIOUS coupons.

My grandmother was a gambler...she loved the slots. She was a winner, she ALWAYS won. When she passed away in May, her slot machine (yes, she had HER OWN slot machine in the local tavern that was dedicated to her....only she played it, others would play it when she wasn't around, but if she was in the bar, you had better not touch it!) Any way, her slot machine had a MAJOR malfunction. My mom and grandpa were in the bar and it started to go off like it won, then the screen went black and the ticker tape started spewing tape out....it still is inoperable. I think it was her way of saying, "If I can't play you, NO BODY CAN!!!!" Well, getting to my point. My mom gave me $5 to play in a slot for my Grandma. On the second day in Vegas, I had Trinity pick out a machine for me. It was a tall, flashy machine with a huge red circle and big pull on the right hand side. Perfect. I walked over, put in my money, and told my Grandma that this was for her. I won $100 on my single pull. Thanks Grandma. That $100 paid for our fun that you are about to read about.

We loved visiting Cesar's Palace...FAO Schwartz was a hit. We spent half the day there, just meandering through all the toys. We discovered that little t LOVES vintage tin toys just as much as his mommy and that Trinity is addicted to stuffed animals. I also discovered that some parents will pay insane amounts of money to impress their children....ridiculous amounts of money. I am a SAVERS kinda girl, so, the price tags made me want to poop in my pants. Luckily, I refrained from looking at them, so, no worries in that department.

The M&M store was an amazing chocolate overload, all 4 STORIES of it. I swear, I opened our suitcase, and the dirty clothes bag smelled like chocolate...I guess it could smell worse. We caved and bought a bag of mixed MMMMMs (as t calls them) and they were divine. We also picked up a new tennis ball for Dakota, a lovely green ball with an M on it....it's already been destroyed, so, I would say that was a hit too.

The best time was spent just hanging out in the hotel room. We loved it. We stayed at Circus Circus, in the newly renovate West Tower. I HIGHLY reccomend this place. It did NOT smell of smoke, smoking was not even allowed in the hotel portion of the buildings. They had really comfy beds with luxurious linens. The bathrooms were big, and the tub, albeit small, was big enough for the kiddos to splash around in. They had a flat screen TV, and a WONDERFUL view. We were on the 32nd floor, so it was pretty amazing at night. It stormed really hard one of the nights, and the lightening show was beautiful.

In the lobby of the hotel there is, of course, a casino...but, to the left of said casino is an amazing place called "ADVENTUREDOME!" that word personifies the experience to a t. It was FULL of adventure, but, we just played carnival games. Trinity is quite the little winner, she actually got that glazed over look that you see on the gamblers face...she was addicted to winning...I can't even tell you the amount of stuffed animals that she came home with, and we only spent $20 in games. The carnies loved her....She was playing all the favorites, balloon pop, fishing, the water gun race, it was quite the site to witness.

All in all, this was a trip to remember...I loved our time that we spent together, the buffets, the sites, the lights, the music, the weird people, Trinity conquering the dreaded escalator, all of it rolled into one package made for a really great family getaway...even if just for the weekend.