Hitting the Bottom - Getting back up...

A long journey...a super long exhausting road. The type of road that you travel that has no shoulders, rest stops or pull overs and all you really need to do is take a shit. We have all traveled long and windy roads. The bumpy, make your mouth water from an impending vomit types of roads that take us to places that we might not have otherwise traversed...but eventually...had to. Taking the left turn instead of the right. Turning around and going in a different direction than what that lady on your GPS instructed us to do. We are all on a quest to get to a certain place that we might not have known we were expected. I was expected to be here...right here where I am right now. It's been an enduring and difficult few years for us. Between failing finances, foreclosures, job lay offs, health issues, death,
bankruptcy....we are finally pulling ourselves out of any of that obscurity, and pressing on. We have an amazing support system around us. We have family and friends that love and think of us often. People ask, "how the hell do you do it?" well, it's simple really...the one thing that has remained constant through all of our trials and tribulations is our love for each other. Every one of us has an amazing amount of love, respect, devotion, and admiration for one another. This is not to say that we don't get ugly...yes, we disagree, we cry, we put on our arguing faces, we get angry, we scream, we yell...but, as naive as this may sound, John had it right...love really is all you need. I truly know that in my heart of hearts, that we are sometimes knocked flat on our asses when change needs to be made. We are awakened to what is truly in store for us, and sometimes, because we fail to listen, it hurts like a mother fucker. We were hurting for a while, but slowly, the hurt has faded and we are on the path to healing.

Happiest of Birthdays to you....

7/15/2013 - All the people that matter are here, there's a rustling, not too crazy, just enough to know that we are surrounded by the one's we love and are loved by. He is happy. I love the look on his face when he see's something, or someone for the first time again after a long while. It's Tristan's 7th birthday. 7 years have already progressed since the time I was faithfully laboring for my boy. My amazing and sweetly powerful boy. I am so blessed. Our life is different. Indeed....it is different than yours, just as your life is different from others, but, all the imperfections are perfectly blended to create something that is truly our own. I love my life. All the cracks, blemishes, bumps and rockiness lend to something completely different and beautiful all in it's own. I am lucky. He's getting slightly excited now, the presents have been opened, some by his own hand, some by his sister's and he is having a difficult time focusing. I am ok with it all. We decided this year to break up his party into 2 separate entities. Every other year, for one reason or another, I thought having a party for him was what he needed...it is afterall, the norm...but make no mistake, we are not normal. We are so far from the norm that being normal is abnormal for us. Every other year, he would escape to the confines of his room, his sanctuary, where we would pry him out, to try and get him to let us in. You see, each other year before this one, we thought we were trying to help him be with us on his birthday, when really all we were doing was forcing him to conform to what we thought was "normal". He was so uncomfortable. I remember sitting there, trying to help him attend. People all around us, way too many for his comfort level, clapping, singing, having conversations in the background, in the foreground, plates clanking, cups and food and wrapping paper filling up the space. He was overwhelmed, and we allowed it to happen...how could we allow this to happen? Not this year. This year is the beginning of his birthdays. It's his day, to do with it what he wishes. I am so happy this year. It's calm, he is calm, it's imperfectly perfect....just like my little man. Happy Birthday Tristan. You have changed our lives so much, have truly opened my mind to the powers of difference, the ability to love, and how to change the world. I love you forever, I like you for always, forever and ever, my baby you'll be.