Thursday, January 29, 2009

My wishes and hopes for Trinity and Tristan

I WISH.......

...that you will ALWAYS feel loved

...that you will forever feel comfortable in your own skin

...that you will never compromise your integrity
...that as the years pass, you will have remembered my deep love & adoration for your father

...that you will be happy and healthy

...that you will laugh many times a day

...that you will know God, in any way that makes you feel fulfilled, but, that you will have that relationship with Him
...that you will stand strong for your convictions, whatever they may be

...that you will ALWAYS be mindful of others feelings

...that you will ALWAYS be mindful of your feelings

...that you will celebrate often....anything that makes you feel like celebrating
...that you will find all the happiness that this life can afford you

...that you will cry without fear of ridicule

...that you will love without fear of judgment

...that you will never allow money to become THE priority in your life

...that when the time comes that I am no longer around physically, that you will have remembered me as a loving, happy and gentle mother

...that you will fulfill every dream that you have ever had

...that when you have the chance to wish on stars, rainbows, 4 leaf clovers and eyelashes...that you do it, and believe in your wishes

...that you learn what real love is and hold tight to it

...that you take chances
...that you will see the trees rushing by, the wind in your hair and the sky blue as ever all the while laying in the back of an old pickup truck driving down a long dirt road

...that you will find and keep a best friend for life

...that you will make up your own language and maybe even share it with me

...that you will hold tight to your dreams...really believe in them, and make them a reality

...that you will have children of your own one day
...that you will take care of each other...that you will stand up for and protect one another always remaining as close as you are now...if not closer

...that you will respect yourself

...that you will recall all the great memories from your childhood and share them with your children
...that you will take each day as it comes, soaking it all in, enjoying the life that is yours

...that you will appreciate your freedom and understand what others have given up for you to have it
...that you will enjoy coming home and being with your family

..that you will find your connection to with the Earth, nature and everything she has to offer us

...that you will always know that we love you...more than anything

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Me and You....

...and You and Me....T n t, will always be! The best of friends, they really are, and I am so greatful of how she loves him, protects him, and is proud of him. I love how he kisses her goodnight, every night and before nap. I love that they are so close. As you can see from the picture, he is almost the same height as his big sis...I mean, how much more can he grow!!!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Thrift Store, How do I love thee???

Let me count the ways

1) For the lovely Dutch Apron that you gave me...a bargain at $1

2) For the even more lovely shirt apron that you gave my daughter....
3) And the sweet little pockets that adorn it
4) For these 6 plates from my childhood and the memories that accompanied many yummy meals presented on those simple white plates splattered with avocado green flowers. I can't think of a better way to spend .49cents

5) And the way that they make my fresh berries feel happy
So, favorite thrift store of mine, I love thee SOOOO many times over! Thank you for all the wonderful finds!!!

Monday, January 19, 2009

1 Year of Autism...a look back

January 15th marked our 1 year Anniversary of Tristan's diagnosis. I can't believe it has already been a seems like it's been 3 ! I can tell you, as a single person, I have experienced more emotions in this one year than I have my entire life, and no, I am not being overdramatic. As a family, we have morphed and changed and become stronger than ever imaginable. As a mother, I have challenged myself in ways I would have never imagined, and have come out the victor. I always knew that motherhood would be the most difficult and rewarding job ever..but I had no idea that I would ever have to deal with something like this. I pray everyday that we stay happy and healthy, and so good.
When we first heard the words "Your son has Autism", in that moment, I was ok. Maybe it was a delayed form of denial, but, I told the doctors and therapists that I already knew. Sure, a part of me did know that SOMETHING was wrong, we all did. Having a background in Habilitation and worked with autistic children before, I was keen to the fact that he did share some of the characteristics associated with the disorder, but really...did I think he had it, no. It took about a week to sink in, and when it did, I got angry, I shut down, I stopped answering the phone, and I look back now and realize that I may have lost a few friendships due to it (for those friends that have hung in there with us through this, I love you, and thank you). When things go astray, I have a tendancy to close all the doors and windows in our life and hope that it will just blow over...we all know that the winds continue to pass by us, but, over the past year, I have slowly started to crack the windows open more and more, and have allowed others to help us, even when I wanted to stick my head in the ground and hide.

There are days that are really good, and I love those days...I soak up those days with all my heart, and I try to track every moment in the virtual journal that is my brain. I watch and laugh, I cry with tears of joy in the remarkable ability that both of my children have to love. I hug and tickle and run around like a drunk woman playing "I'm Gonna Get You!"...then, there are the other days. The days that I don't get dressed, the days that I wear the same outfit over and over. The days that I don't shower, or even eat. These are the days that I try to forget. These are the days that I cringe to think about and my heart sinks with saddness for the backward steps that we have taken. I cry sad tears...angry tears and hope that it will all just go away, that I can just go away. That is all I will talk about in regards to THOSE days...because I don't like those days, they suck.
Autism has changed us in the sense that it has made us stronger, smarter, more compassionate, more patient, open to change, accepting of differences. It has opened our hearts to recovery. Autism has made me an even stronger advocate for my children and other children alike.
My marriage, I am happy to report, has weathered this storm....we have had some bumps in the road, but never have we swayed in the our undying love for one another or our commitment to our family and our relationship. You know when you first have a baby, and they are new and sweet...but, then at night, they are up all night, crying, screaming, and after about 5 days, you are both so sleep deprived to enjoy anything else having to do with anything other than the new baby....yeah, that's what Autism is like. Having a child with special needs challenges you in so many ways, and finding that balance becomes even more of a creative process. We are good though, we continue to talk, we love, we stay connected, even through it all...I am so thankful to have such a loving and caring husband to father my lucky.

So where are we now? Tristan is currently recieving OT / Speech / Physical Therapy / Early Intervention / the beginning of Biomedical Interventions / and pretty soon ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis). We are hopeful that I won't have to write "Autism - 4 years later" we are praying that he will recover by then. I believe that he will recover, with my whole heart, it's just a matter of time. For now, we take it day by day, we laugh, we act crazy, you have to have a sense of humor with it all....we will continue to fight for Tristan, to get him all the help that he needs and to always keep in our mind and hearts what we are fighting for, I'll never stop.
If you would like more information on Autism or how to help, visit