I should start off my adding a mini disclaimer. This email will contain somewhat intimate details of my life, if you are in anyway uncomfortable with reading about that...I would not suggest continuing.
It's funny how our thoughts and preconcieved notions of romance change over the years. There was a time that I thought romance involved the purchase of some "symbol" of love, be it flowers, a small trinket of affection, a date to a new place....I used to believe that romance involved sweeping me off of my feet.
Recently, romance showed it's face in a completely amazing way. I never imagined that a bath could be so romantic...and I am sure you already have ideas of what it entailed, but, prepare to be surprised.
Shannon and I were laying on the bed aside our 2 extremely exhausted children. It seemed so quiet...I was thinking about our very long day....the doctor says "I can't tell you that it is in fact not cancer..." What the hell does that mean? Basically, I have a mass. It started out as a pea sized lump, and over the past 2 years or so, it has grown substantially. It's hard...really hard. The mammogram and ultrasound showed positive for some sort of mass, and they need to do additional testing. The MRI that he wants to do will be impossible until I am no longer lactating. Soooo, we are doing a few other tests first, then, I will need to take meds to dry up my milk.
Back to the romance, because this other stuff is all but that. We lay there quietly and I tell Shannon that I want to take a bath. He draws me a bath, and we get in. I felt so safe and comfortable, and the thing is, there was no expectation of sex. I know that sounds weird, because, don't get me wrong, I love being intimate with my husband, but today, it was just different. We lay there naked, and he is pouring water on my chest, taking his hands and gently rubbing my face and forehead with warm water. It just keeps saying that he loves me....it's all going to be ok, no matter what IT is, it will be ok. It was so relaxing and for a moment, the horrible days of not knowing at the doctor's office just dissapeared. I think it was just as therapeutic for him as it was for me. This was the most romantic day I have had. It didn't have to involve the purchase of a present, and expensive meal, or some other material sign of affection. It only involved 2 people, very much in love taking care of each other.
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4 comments:
Oh Jenn. I can picture the entire scene as though it were out of a movie. I don't mean that to sound creepy or anything, and no I'm not trying to picture you guys all nekked but you painted that beautifully. I love reading about you and Shannon because you two always make me reflect on my own life and relationships with my own husband and children. What you and Shannon experienced was something so perfect for the moment. That is true romance. *tear*
On another note... I don't think I knew about this lump! I'm praying that it is nothing. Keep me posted, please.
Also, are you completely moved in???
This was a beautiful story, Jenn. But all I could think about is, "LUMP!?!?! What lump!?!?" I can't imagine what's going through your head with all of this. I will be praying for you until I hear otherwise. And please keep us posted...this is not the type of thing that's good to leave hanging! My neighbor is getting a lump checked out as I type this, so when I think of one of you, I'll pray for the other, too. :)
Wow what a beautiful scene. It is the small moments in life that make life so wonderful. I can only agree how much it is just the small things in life that make things romantic and not the material things.
On another note I am praying for you and please keep us updated as to what the dr says and how it goes!
I am hoping everything is cleared up soon with the lump. I had a lump since I was in high school and my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2007 (currently in remission) and it wasn't until she was diagnosed did I think to get it removed. In Feb 2008, that mass was removed. In fact, during my mammogram, it was viewed as "suspicious"...it turned out to be non-cancerous. But knowing that it was there for so long, I could have removed it earlier...so I just say that take one thing at a time and just breathe. It will be all right...HUGS...
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