REFLECTING

So here it is...a mere 2 weeks until my baby turns 1, so, I do as any mom would do, I reflect. I reflect on the journey we had with Trinity and Shannon by my side..the entire pregnancy, delivery and labor. I remember how they would rub my back or play with my hair if I were feeling sick...how Trinity would talk to Tristan in my belly, telling him how she would love him forever. When he would move, and it would bump her, she would jokingly say "brother, you kicked me, that is not nice..say sorry!" we would all laugh hysterically. I remember all the midwife appointments and Trinity coming with me to every single one. I am proud of how we handled our pregnancy and the honesty that we had with Trin...she was included in the entire process.

I loved being pregnant, feeling him move inside me, the flutters and the feeling like my stomach bottomed out on a really scary ride...I don't know if any other moms experienced this..but I loved it when he would talk to me...through imagery. It happened A LOT when I was pregnant with Trinity, and some when I was with Tristan...I would get these little fleeting moments that would be images of baby things, like memories of things to come...it didn't seem like something that I was conjuring up...but something that was shown to me. Did that make any sense? Ok, visual...I would see a carousel, or smell baby...I would get glimpses of him, a smile, his blonde-ish brown hair..little hands. It was wonderful.

I loved taking baths with Trinity, she would attack my tummy and hug and talk to Tristan. She would tell me how much she loved me and the baby growing in my tummy. I would nurse her and she would tell me how she couldn't wait to share with brother...I couldn't wait to nurse another baby.

I loved how my labor and delivery took place..that it was all natural, I am happy that I carried to 43 weeks...YES, 43 weeks! He took his time in utero, just as he is taking his time in life now. I used a midwife, Lynette, she was amazing. I didn't take any medication, and she was so encouraging and wonderful every step of the way. Tristan was born on July 15th at 8:45PM after just 9 hours of hard and constant labor. No epidural, no meds...just constant support and love frome EVERYONE in the room...including Trinity. She watched the entire process. I remember when I was screaming, she looked over with concern, and when I would catch my breath, she would have this sense of calm come over here...she would smile, and I would get my strength to do it again. My mom was wonderful, sitting with her the entire time, I remember looking over seeing her play cars with my mom, and stickers, stroking her arm if she showed too much concern. I remember nursing Trinity to help the contractions start...it was really amazing. When Tristan was born Trinity watched him like a hawk, going over with Daddy to check on him. She saw my afterbirth coming, and said very matter of factly "Who is coming out of her now??" I laughed so hard it was hard to feel any pain...I would not have changed anything.

Tristan was a big boy at birth just as he is now...10 lbs....ok, 9 lbs 15 oz (COME ON...GIVE ME THE 10, what is 1 measly oz??) He was so calm and serene, different from his big sister. I loved him instantly. He is the best baby, always has been. I remember reading Trinity stories when we got home, and as we would be reading her a story to sleep, he would be next to me in his cradle, drifting off too. He ate and slept, ate and slept...ok, ocassional poop and pee too! But really, caused no commotion or fuss...Trinity and Tristan are absolute Yin and Yang. She had colic so terribly bad, and reflux. So, we were happy that he didn't have to go through that..or us.

JULY 15th 2007

I am happy to be a mommy to 2...my calm little boy, so inflective, so amazingly smart and a quite thinker. To my little girl, my "Look out world, here I am" little girl...so smart and extroverted...so sweet and complex. I sit her on my son's 1st birthday thinking...will I do it again? Do we want to have anymore children....honestly, I can't say yes or no. I do know that I really enjoy our current family dynamic...I know Trin loves her brother so much and said she ONLY wants brother. I know that my lap is just the right size to hold 2 wonderful little ones. I do know that my heart is big enough to hold many more though, so, we shall see!