The birth of Adeline Ellery

I can't believe that it happened. Not that I thought I would be pregnant forever...but, after you hit 40 weeks, you are pretty much used to being pregnant, I felt like it was just another extension of me, and that I would just be that way because I was so used to it. I am happy that I am patient. That I trusted you Adeline, and my body to do what it was supposed to do. The whole thing really happened so fast...and I want to be sure to jot it all down so I don't forget a single monumental moment.

I had my midwife appointment scheduled for 1150. This was THE appointment, the one that I have been subconciously worrying about. The one where the midwives were going to talk to me about induction.

As I lay there on the exam table, and wait for my check, I wonder what this will all be like. What will happen to our "plan" if I have to do something that I don't want to. I wonder if I say NO, will they say that I went against medical advice? I know that induction is not something that I planned on, but...all of a sudden, I feel ok with whatever has to happen. As long as our baby is happy and healthy, it will be what it is supposed to be. Just then, my water breaks. Just.like.that.

My midwife looks up at me and says "your water broke." I am advised just to go home, I was only about 2-3 centimeters dialated. Luckily, Shannon took me to this appointment. So, we drive home and I call my doula Kelley. At home, I am relaxed, excited, and so overwhelmed with anticipation. It's FINALLY here. Our birth day. I jump in the tub and start to relax, the contractions seem to be getting stronger, and I welcome them. My wonderful husband makes me a nice plate of food, of which I devour. I have to stay strong for this delivery, I can feel that it will be here soon.

By 430PM, my contractions are every 2 mins or so, and Kelley and I leave for the hospital. Shannon stays behind with the kiddos to get the rest of everything ready and will meet us there. On the car ride, Kelley and I talk about what is happening, the day we have all been waiting for is FINALLY here. I am feeling a bit surreal about the entire thing, then the big contractions start. This is definitely not a dream. I am still able to hold minor conversation, to engage in witty banter, and to smile...so, we know it's not time yet :)

We get to the hospital around 545 or so, the midwives are excited to see me, the nurses are amazed that I walked and didn't want a wheelchair...oy. We get set up in the room, and start to talk a bit about what my birth plan will be. My midwives were amazing. Their names are Lisa and Lynette and they were exactly what I needed to deliver our baby. Lisa was strong, and kind, gentle and commanding. Lynette was like a good old friend, you could feel supported and comfortable around her. They advocated for our birth, and made sure that everything we wanted was going to happen. The lights in the room were dim, it was warm in there, and the bath water was running. I took off my clothes and started on the first part of our birth journey. The water feels AMAZING....I am relaxing in between contractions and really submitting to the stronger ones that greet me. Kelley is breathing deeply with me, coaching me along the way, reminding me to keep my mouth open, loose...and make those sounds that need to be made. She is such a strong and amazing woman, and having her eyes to focus on really helped me do what needed to be done. I am so thankful that she was there with me.

We continue in the bath off and on for about an hour...it's 630 now, and the contractions are getting really strong. Shannon gets to the hospital with my Trinity and Tristan in tow. The kids find a spot in the back of the room, Lisa turns the lights down and they are playing together. Everything is as it should be. Then, transition hits. The contractions start to get really strong, Shannon and I are together in the bathroom, he is running water down my back...he takes a picture that will forever embody my birth experience.

We get out the tub and dance together, I feel the baby moving down into my pelvic cavity, the pressure is getting really intense. I begin to vomit. I HATE vomitting. I HATE vomitting and having strong contractions. I peek over and Tristan is starting to throw up, he is dry heaving and I realize that this is too much for him. The nursing staff at our hospital were amazing. They set up a room just for us that he could escape to. A safe room. My mother took him there, and he was safe. I was happy. Time to focus on the task at hand. Trinity is the bathroom with us, she helps pour water on me, puts a wet washcloth on my forehead and tells me that I am doing a good job. She is amazing and supportive. My midwife tells her that she will make a good midwife or doula someday, I think she's right.

Shannon helped me up and over to the birth ball, I bounced for a bit...moving with my body and allowing the contractions to come. It was a bit too much sitting there, so, we danced. Dancing and rocking we stood together in the labor room, he kissed my head, and I held really tight to him. It felt wonderful to have him supporting me, in so many ways. I started to get dizzy again...she is coming. I hopped into bed, actually, more like clumsily stumbled, but...at any rate, I got my butt back in bed. It felt nice to have the midwife and my wonderful doula there, they helped to keep me focused, to remind me that I could do this. There was a moment when I closed my eyes and said I couldn't do it...Kelley told me to look at her, and in that moment she gave me four of the most inspiring words, "You ARE doing this...." The contractions were really mounting one on top of the other...she is coming. I felt the urge to push. ALREADY??? I thought for sure I was just making something up in my head. My midwife kept prompting me to trust my body, to push if I felt it. Adeline was working so hard to come.

I started to close my eyes and could feel my body arching backwards...BAD IDEA. Both Kelley and Lisa reminded me to curl into her, to feel the contractions and feel Adeline, to trust my body and work together with it, not against it. I did just that. I sat up and started to push, I could feel the excitement of my family, of my midwife, of Kelley...I knew that it was close. On the second push, Lisa told Shannon that he could deliver our baby, he was so happy and excited. I heard him say he didn't want to hurt her, and Lisa just guided his hands to where they needed to be. Last push....she was almost here, Shannon pulled her halfway out and I grabbed her under her arms. Pulling her warm body close to mine was such and amazing feeling, that feeling that you forget all too soon, so I made sure to be present in that moment...to remember it and soak it all in. It felt so great to have her in my arms. I did it. WE did it. Trinity was in complete amazement. She was so happy. I layed there with my new daughter and waited for the cord to stop pulsating. Afterwards, Shannon cut the cord and Adeline was free...she was born and was beautiful.
Holding our new baby feels amazing. It feels real. It feels right. I felt absolutely complete and in love. Having a baby is such an empowering and positive experience and my birth was exactly what it should have been. I was so thankful for everyone that helped to make it that way. That moment after she is born, I am looking down at her.....looking around the room at my family, and am so happy to have the people I love sharing this moment with me.
I watch in wonder as my daughter gives her baby sister her first bath, she is sweet, calm and trusting of her big sister. Trinity is so completely in control. She talks to Adeline, she touches her body and is not fearful of anything that happened. She is proud. I am happy for her.

My mom brings Tristan into the room and he gets to see his new sister for the first time, it's wonderful...everything is as it should be, and she just fits.

I will forever be thankful to everyone who supported me during Adeline's birthday and wanted to be sure to make it known here.
Kelley, my doula and best friend. You are so amazing. You helped me to stay focused, to feel loved and protected, to feel strong and able and comfortable. You took care of me and my family, loved my children and protected our wants and needs for this birth. Thank you so much for helping me do what I sometimes thought would be impossible. You made my birth perfect.

Lisa, my amazing midwife. Thank you for advocating for our natural birth. You and Kelley both worked together to help me achieve exactly what I needed to. You kept my birthplan in the forefront of your mind, and you respected all of our wishes. You made my birth perfect.

Shannon, my wonderful husband and strong advocate. Thank you a million times over for giving me the best possible gift that anyone could, our baby girl. It will never cease to amaze me how you are able to provide me with exactly what I need, regardless of what we can afford, but the love that you give all of us, is worth it's weight in gold. You are amazing. You made my birth perfect.

Trinity, my beautiful Trinity. Thank you so much for being you. I am always in awe of your ability to understand things that are far past your age. You are so amazing, so precious and you are a wonderful light in this sometimes dark world. You made my birth perfect.

Tristan, oh sweet bubbub. Thank you for being patient. You must have been worried about me towards the end there, and yet, you trusted what was happening and did what you needed to do to be calm. I love you so much and am so happy that you were there with me on your sister's birthday. You are incredible. You made my birth perfect.

Mom, thank you for being available to us whenever we need you. You are such an amazing mother and grandparent and I am so thankful for you. You made my birth perfect.

And finally, Adeline. My dear sweet Adeline. Thank you so much for choosing our family. We love your spirit, your calm and collected demeanor. The way that you smile and laugh in your sleep. You worked so hard the night of your birth, and I am so proud of you. Thank you so much for being you. You made OUR birth PERFECT.

Adeline Ellery Hydeman

8lbs 10oz 20inches long

Born 12/06/2010 at 9:41PM

Pep Talk

Tonight, I lay in bed...a horrible case of insomnia once again plagues me, I am trying to think about what it is that is keeping me awake at night. Despite the obvious reasons, still pregnant..I am otherwise worry free. I have decided to take this time and really have a pep talk with baby girl. I wonder, when will you be born? What will it be like? Will I need to be induced? I want you to stay in there until you are ready, but....I want you to be a healthy little baby, I want you to thrive and have the best first chance you can. I have to be smart, to be proactive, and to be respectful to what you want too. I know that our birth will be exactly what it should be....but I am still overwhelmed with the idea of needles, medicine and too much intervention. We want a natural, and medical free-birth, I hope that can be acheived, even if I am induced. I am sure these worries are the underlying culprit of this damn lack of sleep...4 days now, and I have had MAYBE 6 hours tops.

The house is so quiet...I hear the dogs breathing, Tristan is flipping around in his bed, but not waking. Shannon is snoring quietly, and the cricketts are chirping outside. The neighbors annoying dog finally went to sleep around 2 AM, I was seriously about to poison him. I am laying here, in a froglike position staring at my "getting bigger everyday" belly. I wonder what contribution you will make to our silent symphony? Will you sleep well? Will your cries wake us up at night? I wonder about your temperment, will you be more like your sister or your brother??? Or perhaps, just you? It's time for that talk.

When are coming out to meet us? We had our appointment on Friday, and you are definitely ready. The Ultrasound pictures showed you with beautifully plump cheeks, full lips, and you even opened your eyes a few times. Everyone thinks you will be 8 lbs, I beg to differ...you feel so huge in there! I want you to know that we are ready for you. You are so anticipated, and are strong and able to make this journey with us.

I love to feel you in my tummy, but I so much want to hold you in my arms. I love you little baby, can't wait to meet you.

Officially taking the plunge

I have gone back and forth with the idea of becoming Vegetarian. I have NEVER liked the idea of eating an animal, it disgusts me really. But, my body has craved meat and I have provided it. But, now, I am ready to finally take the plunge and devote myself to being vegetarian. It's so much healthier to eat a meat free diet, especially this day in age where our meats come from unreliable sources, riddled with hormones, pesticides, vaccinations and God only knows what else. I can grow vegetables in my own yard, I can't grow a cow and eat it...let alone kill it. The hardest part in this all is going to be Tristan's diet. I am not forcing the rest of the family to become veggies too...they can decide to do that on their own if they wish...but, I will not be cooking red meat, and Shannon is ok with that. So, here we are, day 4 of my "journey into vegetarianism" wish me luck.

Due Date, Schmoo Date

So, my due date has come and gone. I am 40w+1, and honestly, I kinda had a feeling. Though I had been having pretty strong contractions, there was this unnerving feeling I had that baby would wait until the last minute, or most inoportune time to make her entrance. This just goes to show me how little control we actually have in all of this.

I am not new to being a "postdate", Tristan was born just before his 43rd week in utero. Really, it's not all that uncommon. The due dates are set based on a 28 day cycle. So, if you are anything like me, and are super duper irregular...well then, here we are.

Just to clarify for those who have asked me, and yes...they have already started asking me despite being only ONE day past my due date. Here are some answers to commonly asked questions.

"Are you going to induce?"
Um....not yet, the baby SHOULD come when she is ready, and I would like to give her that time....

"WOW, aren't you worried about the baby getting too big?"
I guess, but then again, Tristan was 10 lbs, so...I should be alright.

"Are you going to schedule a C-Section??"
This one especially kills me....NO.

"Is it because you are using a Midwife??? My doctor would never let me go THAT long."
Well, your doctor would probably also schedule your induction early so he could make it to his golf tournament too. And, no...it's not because I am using a midwife.

"Aren't you soooooo uncomfortable?"
No different than yesterday, when I was at my due date.

"Have you had that baby yet??"
LOOK at my stomach....what the hell do you think? Einstein.

So, hopefully this will clear up a few cloudy questions for you all...and for those who just wanted to check in, I appreciate it...but PLEASE stop asking if I had the baby yet, trust me...YOU WILL KNOW!!!!!

Getting closer to recovery

For those that follow our blog, I am sure you remember our post about Tristan starting on his biomedical intervention journey. We have since paid thousands of dollars, and have seen some improvement...but, those have since tapered off. The DAN! Dr. that we saw before didn't provide us with the appropriate protocol that Tristan so desperately needs to continue improving, so we have been seeing a different NP (Naturopath) in our neighborhood. I am SO excited to report, that we are about to start 2 WONDERFUL interventions that we are hopeful will help Tristan in his day to day activities.

The first of these is Methyl B12 injections. He desperately needs the methly donor that methly-B12 provides to help his body detoxify toxins and chemicals. So, one way to go about providing it is by a shot. Now, most of you may think this is pretty extreme...but, it's really not as invasive as it may sound. The needle is as small as that of an insulin needle, and it's injected sub q into his bum when he is asleep. We have a numbing cream that is applied first, and then the injection to follow. Why are we doing this you ask? Tristan's, along with most children on the spectrum, biochemical processes that utilize B12 is deficient. Their guts are often not healthy, and therefore will not respond to oral forms of the vitamin. B12 is best utilized and absorbed when injected....and so here we are.

We are waiting for our shippment to come in, and will happily report any changes we see soon. Keep us in your thoughts!

38 weeks....and a baby shower! *pictures to come!*

I am 38 weeks pregnant...can you believe it? It's almost time, we are going to meet this little bundle that has been crotch checking me the last 3 weeks. I am so excited, sentimental and happy for this time that I have had to feel her roaming around inside of me. I can't wait to hold her though.

This Saturday I was gifted with a beautiful baby shower. Shannon, my mom and my very good friend Kelley planned wonderful activities, ones that were really centered on the magic of this amazing gift. It was outside at a nearby park in our neighborhood, we had blankets and pillows thrown around the ground to be closer to earth and to enjoy the beauty around us. The food was YUM, and the company was fantastic.


My favorite time was when all the kids painted my tummy. A really beautiful experience and I cherished each moment. Kelley took pictures of Shannon and I together afterwards, and we were very happy she did...I don't know the last time someone took our picture that wasn't Trinity LOL.


I am getting very excited about the idea of my impending birth. I am so blessed to have found an amazing and caring friend in Kelley. She has been here with us during this journey, and has continued to become a very best friend to our family. If anyone is looking for Doula Services PLEASE check out her website. She is a gifted individual, and you will not be dissapointed in her ability to be 100% supportive during your birth.

Don't sweat the small stuff

Today Trinity was playing at the park with Tristan and his therapist, and she decided to play in the mud. The therapist calls me and says "is it ok if she plays in the mud?!" Me, totally unfazed, "yeah...that's fine." The therapist replies, "Ok, just checking...I asked Trinity if you were going to get upset and she said that her mom doesn't worry about the little things, only the big things." NICE...I love that she knows that about me, and it's true, life is too short to sweat all the trivial things. Think about how that mud playing will impact her later, will it cause her any undue harm? Most likely not. Will she be scarred? I don't think so. Will she have enjoyed herself immensly and just felt free to be a child? Yup, and that is what this journey is all about. So, go play in that mud Trin, and do it right...I love you T, and thanks for knowing me so well.

37 Weeks!

ALREADY? Seriously?? How did this happen? I can't believe that baby girl is just a few short weeks away from joining our family. I am so happy and excited, so thankful for this pregnancy, and yet...so tired at the same time. It's this bittersweet feeling, of joy and appreciation, coupled with exhaustion and fatigue.

Last week at my midwife appointment, I mentioned to the M/W's how I have just not been feeling myself. The contractions are still pretty strong, not all the way consistent, but heavy enough that I have to stop walking or talking. I have lost 5 lbs since the last appointment, not had a super duper appetite, and just been a little BLAH.

After the blood draws, urinalysis, NST's (they were being VERY proactive...which I appreciate). Baby girl looked great...mama on the other hand, not so great. My bloodwork came back with extremely elevated WBC's and very low Hemoglobin. Diagnosis, I am fighting off some sort of infection, and I am anemic.

But, I am super happy to report that at today's appointment showed me gaining back 2 of those 5lbs lost. The baby is roughly 7lbs in size, but is posterior right now. I talked with my doula, and she suggested crawling on my hands and knees to flip her...or other things *wink wink*. She said that the only reason this is not a desirable position for baby is because it can cause back labor...mama does NOT want back labor, so, hands and knees it is!

The M/W's checked my cervix and there has been a change!! I am currently dialated to a 2, and about 60% effaced, super exciting news, my body is on it's way. I am excited at the thought of finally meeting our new little girl, and can't wait to finally share her with all of you. Stay tuned for more and more updates.

Bully, bully...and not the song

Trinity has a bully. This is something that has been going on since Kindergarten, and I thought it was all figured out. Let me give you some background info. In Kinder, the little girl was having terrible outbursts in class, was not listening, and having just an overall bad time. Trin's then teacher suggested that we sit Trinity next to the little demon...er, I mean child, to possibly have a positive impact on her. It helped, for a bit anyway. Then, my Trinity started to come home and tell me bout how the girl, let's call her Polly, would say mean things to her. She said that she would push her when they were in line for lunch, that she would yell at her and say she didn't like her. I found out that she didn't have the happiest of homelife's, and talked with Trinity about it. Trin's response was that we would treat her with kindness.

Trinity continued to handle it on her own, always conversing with us about it later that evening. It stopped for a while, but in the last few weeks, stories have been coming home again about how Polly has been unkind to my Trinity. She has started taking Trinity's friends, and rallying them against her. Not all the kids are going for it, because they too have been treated unfairly by Polly, but, the ones that do, boy...does it crush my little girl.

Trinity always tries to include everyone. All the new kids are instantly befriended by my gal. Trin has gone as far as seeking out Polly to be extra friendly to her, JUST because she is mean. I know it may not make sense, but we have always pressed that people act a certain way because of what they are given, and we have to love them regardless of their behaviors. So, it was no surprise then when I was walking her home yesterday, and she shared yet another story of Polly's harassment, that when I suggested "just not being her friend" Trinity responded with "But mama, that wouldn't be kind....I can't do that." Boy, did I have a lesson in acceptance that day.

Today, I saw it happen before my very eyes. Trinity was talking to Polly, and then, she dropped her shoulders and head, had a very defeated look on her face, and turned to go to class....I stopped her and asked what happened. A very sad response, she says "Mama, she just yelled at me, called me stupid and said she didn't like me." That's it. Mama Bear is on the prowl. I gestured for demon girl, I mean Polly, to come over to me. She stood in front of me and I very sternly had a talking with her:

Me- "Did you yell at her?"
Polly- "YES"
Me- "You will stop doing that immediately."
Polly-*Scared shitless look on her face*
Me- "Look at her" *pointing to Trinity* "do you see how sad she is?"
Polly-*nodding*
Me-"You are going to stop yelling and being mean to her or I am going to speak with your Mother and Father, do you understand me??" (that DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME thing works wonders)
Polly- *again, totally freaked out by this point* "Yes."

I hugged Trinity and told her that if Polly ever does anything mean to her, that she needs to tell someone right away. I hugged her and sent her on her way to class. That wasn't enough. I decided to take the next step and called her principal. Apparently Trinity isn't the only child that is being bullied by Polly, not surprised.

The Principal came to Trinity's class today, pulled her out and had a mediation between the two girls. I was so proud at how Trinity handled it. The little girl apologized for being mean, and Mrs. Evan's suggested that they be friends. Trin's response to Polly "I can't be your friend if you are going to be mean to me...." so, Polly responds "I won't be mean to you anymore." Let's hope not little one, because I have a lot more Mama Bear in me that is ready to come out.

Dear Baby,

Today I found myself particularly sentimental about our pregnancy. I caught a glimpse of my shadow when walking back from Trinity's school this morning. In that moment I felt so happy, and thankful for you and this pregnancy, it was overwhelming really. I am so thankful for how beautiful you have made me feel. How much energy I have now, and how I connect with you on a daily basis. I am so happy for this miracle happening inside of me...can you believe that you have just a few more weeks to grow? I wonder how anyone could not enjoy being pregnant. Thinking about being your mama feels good, but, I think I will really miss this time that I have had with you in my womb. Maybe because this may be the last time....or maybe because going from 2 to 3 is such a leap, whatever the reason, I am going to miss it. I love how your daddy looks at me and tells me how beautiful I am. How your sister Trinity kisses you in my tummy each night before bed. How your big brother Tristan rubs you in my belly and says "baby". I love feeling your movements, how you respond to touch and light...how you love music, especially Mason Jennings. I think it's amazing that you have already put yourself on a schedule and you wake an sleep at the same time each day. Your energy fills me up and makes me feel fantastic. Thank you so much for choosing us to be your parents. I will enjoy these last few weeks with you safely inside, trying to remember every moment. Grow baby, get healthy and strong, we have quite a challenge to face, and soon.

Fun Times

She wants to join the Circus, and some day, he'll be an Acrobat. For now...we just have fun at Family Carnivals.

Happy Birthday Shannon!

August 29th was Shannon's birthday and we celebrated at home with family. Tristan has started to really love the Birthday Song, and can hum the entire thing adding in "to you" at the right moment. Trinity made her daddy a Transformers Coloring Book and she was so proud to give it to him. It was such a great day, and I am SO glad that he was born :)

Tortoise??? REALLY??

Yes, we are indeed insane. We rescued yet ANOTHER pet last month, this tortoise that we have affectionately named, Donatello. He is fabulous. Animal count is now at a staggering 12, whereas the people are still steady at 4. Now, to be fair, 4 of those 12 are fish, and 2 are lizards...the cat never comes out to play until the kiddies are in bed, the bunnies are basically small dogs, and the dogs...well, they are basically human. "Next time, on Animal Hoarders"....oy. Keep in mind, this dinosaur cousin stays outdoors, eats grasses and fresh veggies from the garden, and has VERY little upkeep. We do love him so, and he's fun to introduce to the neighbor kids.

We're Jumpin' on the bed....

They LOVE to do this....I don't blame them, it looks pretty fantastic when they do.

Ahoy Matey!

Sunday was National "Talk Like a Pirate Day" and along with that, they had Pirate Day at Trinity's school. Had me and Tristan not had to go to his school for his eval, we would have done it up right! But, I think Shannon and Trinity pretty much covered all the basis, ARGH!

School for the T - Man

It's getting closer....Tristan will be going to school soon, and though I originally had some serious apprehensions, after his evaluation last week, I must say that I am feeling so much better about the entire process.

During the eval, there was the entire Developmental Team (about 4-5 people) to evaluate Tristan's skills (think playing with a purpose and being observed) and to ask me a bevvy of questions ranging from his social development to his psychological. During the interview, the subject of his early reading skills was raised. I talked about how he is able to see a word once, and then master that word and read it whenever he sees it again. They asked about specific words, and were very intrigued with the idea that he was able to recognize everything from "apple" to the more complex "computer". His reading vocabulary has grown by leaps and bounds in the past few months, going from reading roughly 25-30 words to now well over 100.

At the end of the evaluation, we were told that he has a developmental disorder called Hyperlexia. Hyperlexics are often misdiagnosed as Autistics at a young age. When they hit the age 4-5 they grow more out of the "autistic type" behaviours and lead into the developmental disorders associated with Hyperlexia. Hyperlexia is present in about 10% of children misdiagnosed with ASD. They are also extremely intelligent, verging on savant. They have specialized capabilities, and excel at things that require early reading, order and picture associations. We have worked with Tristan on many things, and nothing is more exciting for him than to read.

This may be a new opening in his door of many things to come, but for now, we are going to just take it day by day...treating each new discovery as they come. Our little guy, the "maybe autistic, possibly hyperlexic, showing signs of an appraxic, definitely wonderful Tristan."

Lucy, you got some explaining to do.....

I totally ABSOLUTELY suck at blogging. There, I said, I SUCK. I have so many aspirations to put amazing pictures to a story and share it all with you, my beloved friends....but alas, I don't do it. Instead, I sit and thumb through a large magnitude of pictures stored on my camera and dream up ways of writing fabulous stories, knee slapping one liners, and tales of amazement. Do you see any??? Nope. I haven't been able to blog like I know that I should. BUT, I am hoping soon that will all change. I do have high hopes, let's HOPE that I can stick to them.

Heeelllloooo 31 weeks!

Here it is...9 more weeks (give or take a few) and we will meet baby 3! We have been playing around with a few names, but...are going to wait to see her before we decide officially. So, what have I been doing to prepare you ask? NOTHING!!! ACK! This pregnancy has literally snuck up and bit me on the ass (and left a few extra pounds there too). I haven't washed anything, really bought anything, had a baby shower (do you even have one of those on your 3rd?), haven't broken out the co-sleeper, ANYTHING. Now, all of a sudden, I am in nest mode, high gear. I have organized the bookshelves, dusted and purged from our entertainment center, cleaned off the hutch, and have been donating like crazy. My goal is to cut down on the toys here by at least 50% before baby comes. The kids are only really using a handful of them, and we will keep what is most dear, but...the other stuff, has to go, and they are ok with that. I am working on a baby quilt, and will be having the kiddos help make a peice of art for their new sister. We are all very excited and happy at the thought of adding another Hydeman to our family and are cherishing these last few weeks before her arrival. I have taken some more baby bellly pics and will post those soon! For now, NAP TIME....boy, am I pooped.

I am - August

thankful for amazingly supportive family and friends
so proud of my family
getting a bigger belly everyday, and loving it
nervous about Tristan starting preschool
proud of our chemical free home
having a hard time with finances
wishing that it would get cooler....like yesterday
proud of my photography
feeling creative
overwhelmed with the idea of changing t's diet...AGAIN
still wishing on stars and hoping for miracles

This is our journey...we have to stay on track.

Everyday, it's a journey for us. We balance our life with Trinity and helping her to be the happy and well adjusted caring kiddo that she is. We strive to provide all the support and love that she needs and hope that she understands why her sibling dynamic is so different than her friends. We hope that she will always love him the way she does now, and that she will never resent this life or what we expect from her. We love our children. We hope that everything we do for them is seen and felt. I just know that one day, it will pay off...it pays off everyday, little by little...but the jackpot, the big one...I hope we hit it one day and Tristan loses his autism diagnosis completely.

Today...I am a little overwhelmed. We have had doctor's appointments up the wazoo, and now, we have MORE allergens for little t. Tristan has completed another round of allergy testing. We have a whole new list of things he can and can't eat...the bigger list is what he can't eat. He is now on a no Phenol diet...which is REALLY stinkin' hard. Anyone out there that is familiar with this diet, help me out please, cause I am overwhelmed. I stumbled across a great blog today, one of another mother who has and is traveling through this journey like we are. She posted a letter that I wanted to share. It touched me, to my core really, and I hope that you read it, if you are going through a similar situation, that you can absorb it, and move on to help your little one. We are trying, everyday, to find a way to help Tristan the best we can. I hope that we will find that one thing that does it for him, but I know it's not going to be that easy...until then, we will keep searching.

Thank you to all our friends who have offered help, to family who is understanding and accommodating...thank you to everyone who loves us, and our children for who they are. We think they are pretty great, and will only get greater with time.

An Open Letter
By Jon Gilbert

The other day that mom with the little boy who was making so much commotion in the fast food restaurant noticed you staring at her. He was a handful, wasn't he? His screaming was incessant

and the way he was challenging his mother: unacceptable. It's understandable that you would never allow your own child to holler at you like that, or bounce between the booths. You found yourself wondering what would possess her to bring an unruly child like that out into public in the first place. As your respectful children stood beside you in silence, you wondered when he would just be quiet. And you wondered what kind of mother she must be.

If you only knew what that mom wonders.

She wonders what she can do to get him to stop screaming. Sometimes it lasts all day, and lately, it's been almost every day. Then, while you put your kids back in the car, she wonders if he'll keep his seat belt on for the entire ride. You will get them home and they'll head right upstairs to play together nicely. She wonders if he'll decide it's time to begin switching the lights on and off repeatedly, or throw to everything that's on the desk onto to the floor.

When your kids fall down, you can ask them where it hurts and they can tell you. It hurts the other mom that all she can do is hold her little boy and wonder when he'll stop crying. Later, while you wonder what story you will read to your child tonight, the mom you know nothing about will once again cry herself to sleep in her husband's arms.

You wonder later why God would give any child to "that kind" of parent, yet she's thankful that God chose her. You judge the stranger based on that one incident, while she wonders why you didn't just ask if you could help. She probably wouldn't have taken it, but she would have appreciated the gesture.

Your four-year-old has mastered the art of conversation. She find's it triumphant that her son mumbles, "go school" and "want eat." You already wonder what your child's high school prom will be like. Meanwhile the other mom wonders when her four-year-old will potty train.

You wonder who your little one will marry some day, while the mom with the rambunctious son worries that he may not graduate from high school. You plan to send your child to the best university, and the lady that you
never met wonders if she'll have to care for hers as an adult.

While she's not jealous that your kids obey, talk and dream, she does wonder what it would be like to be able to call her son "normal." He is who he is. There's no altering that, and his mother wouldn't change him for the world. But feeling your eyes burn through her melts her soul. She does the best he can, and wonders why you judge them both.

She doesn't ask for your sympathy, just your understanding. Her family puts a lot of time and effort into helping him become the best somebody he can be. You don't see it, but that's all right, because his mom sees it every day. She sees the victories as well as the defeats.

You cast your judgment based on the one day you saw the unruly child in public. No one faults you for that, because the other mom used to do the same thing, back before her son's diagnosis. All the mom asks of you today is compassion and consideration.

Tonight, when you tuck your kids into bed, be thankful for the children you have and for who they are. Understand that, while you are getting butterfly kisses from your little angel, there are parents wondering when theirs will be able to say the words, "I love you."

Kids can be so cruel...

Trinity and Tristan go to a little playgroup at the gym called "Kids Club". It's usually a good mix of kids, varying in ages and abilities. Backtracking a bit, Tristan had a food compromise (which means he ate something that he is allergic to, thus affecting him nuerologically/sensory and it just makes him act "wonky" as sister says). At any rate, he still went to play, and we asked that Trinity just help him a bit more than usual. I broke down at dinner last night...I found out some things that made me so sad...so much so that it stuck with me through-out last night, and into today, it will most likely stick with me forever.

Tristan was trying to play with some children, and Trinity said they were forming a circle around their toys and with arms spread out in front of them, saying things to Tristan like "NO, you can't play with us...you have germs!" when I asked T why they were saying that, she said it's because he sticks toys in his mouth. She said that they hide their food because he tries to eat it...and they call him names. What the hell? Where are the attendants? When did this become OK behavior? I didn't think that ganging up on a special needs child was something considered acceptable playground behavior. She said they continued to do things like this the whole time they were there. They used chairs as a barrier to keep him out, locking themselves under the table...that they were afraid of him. WHAT? My boy? I don't understand where this is coming from, and I am so saddened to think that these children have such a skewed reality of what and who Tristan really is. Trinity defended him, and said "He's a nice boy...he just is different." Why did she have to do this? Why didn't any adult step in?

This, my friends...this is my nightmare. I am fearful for my boy, for the judgement, the ridicule, the lasting affect that these words and actions can and will have on him. Shortly after the "attack" Tristan proceeded to destroy the room. I am sure he was lashing out of sadness, frustration...I can't say that I blame him. How else is a child that cannot talk supposed to have his words heard? He knocked down an entire bookshelf of toys. He even managed to escape from the room, and get all the way up two flights of stairs to run to the sanctuary of his dad. HOW DID HE GET OUT OF THE ROOM??? WHERE WERE THE ATTENDANTS? I am so fearful that this will be an ongoing problem...that children will continue to be mean, that adults will continue to get frustrated, that Tristan will continue to be ignored.

Happy 1st Day of 1st Grade!

It's amazing what a year can do...I remember when we sent Trinity off for her first day of Kinder...I was a wreck. She was a little ball of nerves, which quickly settled, but me...all day long trying to keep myself occupied, phone at my hip at all times, checking the clock and her schedule to see what she was doing at any given time. A wreck...a complete and utter mess. This year, totally different. We went through the usual motions, buying school supplies, picking out her outfit, packing her lunch, getting all her items ready for class. This year she will use "the big kids" restroom, whereas in Kinder, they had a private room...so, we had the potty talk "now, Trin, you know nobody needs to go in the potty room with you right?" We took a little family photo before walking her to school.
Everything was simple, no anxiety...relaxed. We took her to her class, she gave us both a quick kiss, then handed her bag to her teacher and sat down to get to work. So proud of her independence, her even temper, and her joy of learning. She has definitely come a long way from that little apprehensive Kindergartner that we once knew. Way to go Trinity...you have made it to 1st grade!!!!

Hello Belly...

...so nice of you to finally show up.