Today is a good day. I feel a renewed sense of strength to continue on this path to recovery for Tristan. You know when you have those "A HA" moments? I had one today. And it led me to this post. It's all about perspective.
There have been days that I truly feel robbed of a "normal" son, days that I feel "Why us??? Why do we have this???" but then I remember, we were given this for a reason, and we are not given more than we can handle. This diagnosis has taught me that. I also know that Tristan is still my little boy, despite his autism. He is the same little boy that I gave birth to...the same little boy that loves us all unconditionally. I adore him, and want only the best for him and us.....and that means continuing to fight for him and fight for his recovery.
We have a rap sheet list full of tests that we have to get done for him in the coming weeks / months. He has to have a Thyroid Test (which are actually a series of 3 blood tests), CBC, Celiac Panel, RAST Test and another that I can't think of without looking at the order...I feel sad for little t. There are days that I feel like he is the one that is being robbed...his childhood thus far has consisted of doctors visits, specialists visits, weekly therapies and all different people coming in and out of his life..to test him, to evaluate him, to find out what he is and is not capable of. What about just being a kid??? What about Saturday morning cartoons?
I feel guilty. There are days that I feel guilty for taking him to therapy and all these doctors visits. It's exhausting, for all of us. BUT, then I jump back out of my pity party hole and realize the lengths that he has come since having said therapies. I realize that he is growing and learning, and he is happy. PERIOD. Despite all of this crap that he has to deal with day in and day out, the kid is one of the happiest that I have met.
He loves therapy...LOVES it. He enjoys meeting all these "different" people coming in and out of his life...he gets to meet other kiddos that are similiar to him. So, basically it is all about perspective. I have to change my perspective. I think I have had a sunny outlook on this most of the time, and I am proud to say that I have never felt embarassed or ashamed of him. I am so proud to be his mama, despite the outward differences that some may see. I look how he looks at me, and our eyes connect and in that moment I know that he understands me...I talk to him like I do Trinity, and though no words are spoken, his eyes speak volumes. I hope that others will get to know him. I hope that people can be patient and wait for his words, because, they are coming...I can feel it.
There have been days that I truly feel robbed of a "normal" son, days that I feel "Why us??? Why do we have this???" but then I remember, we were given this for a reason, and we are not given more than we can handle. This diagnosis has taught me that. I also know that Tristan is still my little boy, despite his autism. He is the same little boy that I gave birth to...the same little boy that loves us all unconditionally. I adore him, and want only the best for him and us.....and that means continuing to fight for him and fight for his recovery.
We have a rap sheet list full of tests that we have to get done for him in the coming weeks / months. He has to have a Thyroid Test (which are actually a series of 3 blood tests), CBC, Celiac Panel, RAST Test and another that I can't think of without looking at the order...I feel sad for little t. There are days that I feel like he is the one that is being robbed...his childhood thus far has consisted of doctors visits, specialists visits, weekly therapies and all different people coming in and out of his life..to test him, to evaluate him, to find out what he is and is not capable of. What about just being a kid??? What about Saturday morning cartoons?
I feel guilty. There are days that I feel guilty for taking him to therapy and all these doctors visits. It's exhausting, for all of us. BUT, then I jump back out of my pity party hole and realize the lengths that he has come since having said therapies. I realize that he is growing and learning, and he is happy. PERIOD. Despite all of this crap that he has to deal with day in and day out, the kid is one of the happiest that I have met.
He loves therapy...LOVES it. He enjoys meeting all these "different" people coming in and out of his life...he gets to meet other kiddos that are similiar to him. So, basically it is all about perspective. I have to change my perspective. I think I have had a sunny outlook on this most of the time, and I am proud to say that I have never felt embarassed or ashamed of him. I am so proud to be his mama, despite the outward differences that some may see. I look how he looks at me, and our eyes connect and in that moment I know that he understands me...I talk to him like I do Trinity, and though no words are spoken, his eyes speak volumes. I hope that others will get to know him. I hope that people can be patient and wait for his words, because, they are coming...I can feel it.
2 comments:
Great post, Jenn. And WOW Tristan looks so grown up in this picture. You can almost see what he's going to look like as a young adult. Too cool!
That is what I thought when I uploaded it too....I was totally shocked at how much older he looks!
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