It's been about a week since I had a falling out with some friends of mine. I have had some time to think about the entire situation, and I don't think that faced with the situation again, that I would have acted any differently. I don't know that I would have addressed it the same day...maybe would have waited a few to let it settle, I actually had more to say that I didn't...but, I am human, and I don't think that I did anything wrong, especially given the situation. That in of itself is a totally different thing though, and honestly, I am over it.
What has stuck though, is a response that I received regarding my kids, in particular Trinity and my parenting. Now, we all know that I am very family focused...that I spend just about all of my time with my family, that I put my kids first in every aspect, and because of this, I don't always have time for friends. In my opinion, I don't think this is a fault, especially considering all the time that is spent focusing on Tristan and his therapies. I have to make sure that time is focused and spent on Trinity outside of Tristan's time....she HAS to feel special and important too.
I think that what struck me the most was the onslaught of how my daughter has been mean, how she is bossy *we all know that...hello, she is 5 going on 25* and how my parenting of my children is SOO different, almost as though it is bad. I am very proud and confident of my and Shannon's parenting choice. We DO discipline our children and we do so in a way that they are not meant to feel ridiculed or embarrassed. My kids don't do things that warrant any amount of spanking, and I feel that most people over use that form of discipline anyway. I feel like I have had to defend most of our choices in parenting, and you know what? In friendship, I shouldn't have to do that. What is wrong with parenting differently? Honestly, if we all did it the same, we would live in a communist parenting compound spitting out little robots...no thanks.
I am not sad about what has happened, I think that everyone is entitled to an opinion, I just think that it is sad that if someone has an issue, that they harbor those feelings instead of confronting someone. There is a scripture in the Bible that talks about not keeping accounts. I feel like, I am very approachable...non judgemental and understanding. Everyone gabs in their lifetime, I have done a bit I will admit, but so has everyone else that I have associated with...we are women, it's what we do. I will say, I haven't done that in a while. This life is too short....So, if you have no idea what this is about, no worries...this is the last time I will have a blog post like this. If you do know what this is about, I hope you read it and understand that it is not an attack, not a way to hurt or to embarrass, it's just my way of addressing it in my own public forum anonymously..so, gab away over it...I am sure you will. In the meantime, I will go and spend some time with my fam...enjoy your 4th!
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5 comments:
I'm so sorry you felt judged for your parenting style, Jenn. There are 1000 different ways to raise children and very few are "wrong." I think people, especially moms, feel that their way is better than yours, mine and most people they know, so anything outside of their viewpoint is worthy of criticizing. I hope you resolve this with your friends and that the issue doesn't leave permanent scars. I know how forgiving you are...things like this are just so hard in friendships sometimes.
Thanks for sharing, though I know that I only have a fraction of the full story by reading your post!!!
XOXOX
Hey Jenn, it's Mags and I just want to say that I understand where you are coming from. Let me just say that ever since I have had Maya & Kira with both of us parents working full-time, etc...the friendships that I once had have suddenly disappeared and therefore I try and treasure the ones that I do have. BUT, the same thing happened to me about 8 months ago. My ex-best friend who I have knows since 1994 took something I said out of context and suddenly she is upset with me and I tried to get her to call me so we can discuss what "went wrong"...finally this past Friday she emails me with a list of reasons she is upset. She calls me selfish and brings up situations from when we were party-goers and conversations we had and accuses me of saying things to belittle her in front of others, etc... To me, she has the wrong person because I can honestly say that I am not who she says I am. AND to me what stuck out is the fact that she says that she thought "I would change when I had my own family but now I am more demanding and selfish"..OMG! Either way, like you said, Jenn, life is too short and if someone harbors feelings for over 15 years and they didn't have the courage to tell me and is suddenly throwing that in my face (although most of them are false), that is their own fault and you have better things to focus on, yes, especially Tristan. SO, just turn the other cheek, walk away and know that you are not the one with the problem...Carry on.... :)
P.S. I am glad she said all those things to me because now I don't have to walk on eggshells around her anymore! I am who I am and I know I am a good person!
Mags
Sorry Jen! This sucks. But you are a trooper ;)
This is what I never understand about people? Tolerance. I don't agree with all of my friends parenting choices and I know they don't agree with mine. We deal.
We parent very different than most also, there is no right way for everyone.
Keep your head up girlie!
I appreciate your words of wisdom, stories of similarity and support. Thanks for being there.
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