....Tristan is 3. He is THREE.....and though I have always had dreams of having more children...I feel like...well, I feel like I can't really go anywhere with that until we help him with his diagnosis. Sometimes I feel like I am being selfish in feeling this way, like...I am not wanting to take on another challenge, when a life is such an amazing thing to welcome into your world. I want more kids...I do, but, I worry that, this is going to sound horrible..but, I worry that the next one may have Autism too...and I really am not sure how well I could handle that. Don't get me wrong, I love my Tristan and all of his attributes, and very honestly, I would not change how everything has happened in regards to his situation...I want to help him work through his challenges, and to lead a life that makes him happy...but, I don't want to change him...does that make any sense?
I guess I battle with the idea that Autism sucks, but, he is who he is because of it. He is this amazing, sweet, mild mannered, even tempered, sensitive, caring and bright child....would he be different if he were "normal"? I don't know. But, I know that I would miss the person he is now if things were different. I am all over the place here. It just hit me today...I cannot believe that he is 3. I remember when T was this age, and they are SOOOO different. It's just a bittersweet thing I suppose, especially when sometimes it seems like time is against us. There is this window of opportunity to get in there and help him break out...and I am racing, let me tell you...and, I have to be thankful that we are making good time, just need to stay in the race.
....Tristan is 3. He is THREE.....and though I have always had dreams of having more children...I feel like...well, I feel like I can't really go anywhere with that until we help him with his diagnosis. Sometimes I feel like I am being selfish in feeling this way, like...I am not wanting to take on another challenge, when a life is such an amazing thing to welcome into your world. I want more kids...I do, but, I worry that, this is going to sound horrible..but, I worry that the next one may have Autism too...and I really am not sure how well I could handle that. Don't get me wrong, I love my Tristan and all of his attributes, and very honestly, I would not change how everything has happened in regards to his situation...I want to help him work through his challenges, and to lead a life that makes him happy...but, I don't want to change him...does that make any sense? 
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