1 day at a time...going on forever

So, it's been a 2 1/2 weeks since my Grandmother's passing...it still hurts really bad. Seeing my mother so saddened by it hurts even worse. I love my mom so much, and to think that she is in any amount of pain is unbearable for me. I want to just take the pain away, but I am feeling it too. I can't imagine how it will feel when she passes and I don't want to...but I can't help but think about it when someone so close to you dies. I miss her.

Cammie has been gone for 1 week now, it is really taking a toll on us emotionally. She was such a wonderful companion. She was sweet and never put up a fight on anything. She smelled good. She gave the BEST kisses, I miss those kisses...We picked up her ashes yesterday, that was hard, I couldn't go in...I had to have Shannon get them, it's still too painful to be in that office again. They did such a nice job, they included a name plaquard and everything...still unsure what we are going to do with the remains. I mean, on one hand, you want them to have a final resting place, but, on the other, she loved being with us....then you think, it's only her physical remains, and her spirit is already gone...but we as human beings are so connected to what we can see and touch...it is hard to let that go you know?

On a side note, she has been visiting us. She had a favorite blanket that she would suck on, yes, suck on. It was really cute...and annoying all in the same breath. I would put the blanket up, folded neatly, she would come up behind me and pull it down. Well, the day she died, I put her blanket up for one last time, it was still on the floor from before I took her in to the vet. I took a short nap on the sofa that she loved to sit on and look out the window, then, when I awoke, there it was, close to the couch all spread out how she normally had it. Then I heard her coming up the stairs, she had asthma and would breath like she was climbing Mt. Everest everytime she ascended the stairs to our room. The night after she passed, all was quiet, and very faintly, we hear her panting. I miss you Cam, so much.